9 Secrets For Overcoming Conflicts Between You And Your Kids, and You and Others ( with exercises) | Lana Sarky | Skillshare

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9 Secrets For Overcoming Conflicts Between You And Your Kids, and You and Others ( with exercises)

teacher avatar Lana Sarky

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Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Watch this class and thousands more

Get unlimited access to every class
Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Lessons in This Class

14 Lessons (46m)
    • 1. Introduction

    • 2. 1. Start With a Forgiving Heart

    • 3. - Exercises for Secret 1

    • 4. 2. Stop Blaming Yourself

    • 5. 3. Focus On The Relationship and Not The Results

    • 6. 4. Know Yourself

    • 7. 5. Know Your Kids

    • 8. 6. Lower Your Expectations

    • 9. 7. Have a Long Term Goal

    • 10. 8. The Secret Formula

    • 11. - Exercises for Secret 8

    • 12. 9. Understanding The “Readiness Level”

    • 13. - Exercises for Secret 9

    • 14. Last Note

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About This Class

  • This class is full of Secrets that took years of experience, practice, and victory in conflict solving. Relationships are complicated, and we walk into them unprepared, with old tools. Time to get those tools updated and enjoy the intimacy and connection needed to have a joyful relationship with your kids and loved ones.

Meet Your Teacher

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Lana Sarky


Hello, I'm Lana Sarky, I was born and raised in Damascus, Syria. I've been married for 23 years and i am a mother of three children. I have a Bachelors Degree in finance, and a Minor in Graphic Design. I worked as a photographer owning my own studio in Syria for ten years, specializing in children and family portrait.

I came to the united States 7 years ago and pursued my heart passion, Christian Family counseling.  i finished my 4 years Biblical Study and today I'm studying my Masters in this field and working in inner healing and counseling. I'm honored to share with you what worked with me in connecting with my loved ones, especially my kids Knowing that you will find joy and ownership when applying these tools.

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1. Introduction: Hi, everyone. My name is Lana Starkey. I am married with three kids. I was born and raised in Damascus, Syria, and came to the United States, pursued a bachelors and finance a minor and graphic design. Then me and my parents went back to Damascus to get married and how my three Children and open a photography studio for 10 years, family and Children, photography. Then when the war happened, we found ourselves here in the United States again. And I pursued my heart passion with Christian family counseling. So mustering in it and working in counseling and inner healing while, um did a four year biblical study. So I'm here with you today to share my tools, All the tools that helped me with my relationship with my kids, mainly my relationship with my friends. And in these tools, as from my experience, from my self discovery from my learnings, these tools helped me bridge all the connections. They helped me find joy in the intimacy. They helped me just, um, just to realize how important it is to just pull the treasurers and ourselves and all the other people around us. So, um, I leave you peace and thank you 2. 1. Start With a Forgiving Heart: Let me just start by saying congratulations. You are here. You listening to this so you have the right attitude to start. You have the right humble heart that recognizes there's something that needs to be done and you're making that first move. So you're very courageous. I owner that in you, and this is the right way to start. So also, my first secret is to start from a forgiving heart. Now this is the most important state of heart. That conflict solving requires that relationship connection requires. Because once you start from a forgiving heart, you are letting go of the person, um, of the person's offense and not holding justice in your own hands. This is, um, this is a freeing act. Freeze. You freeze the person you are dealing with, whether it's your kids or anybody else. I let go of the offense. I let go of what you did for me. So it does not stay in my heart, so it does not have this bad effect on who I am. So forgiveness is choosing to be grounded and who we are and not letting the offense that came out of the other person's hurt the other person's issue. Change how I want to react, how I want to be. So forgiveness means I'm letting go off that stain. I'm washing myself away from that stain that just came on me. The offense and I'm just being grounded in who I am, keeping the forgiveness for you because forgiveness is a choice. Forgiveness is a choice, and it's a very powerful choice For me. It's the only choice. It's the only choice that keeps me grounded in who I am, and it keeps me clean. It keeps my heart clean. It keeps me, um, it gives me power, gives me the power because it's freeing. Forgiven. This is freeing. I let go of the justice. It's not my place to judge is not my place to have the justice. It's my place to choose how I want to react to the offense. So this is a very, very difficult thing and it takes a lot of practice. It takes a lot of making choices, takes a lot of tears to let go of the offense, but it's the powerful choice and also with unforgiveness, you're basically drinking your own poison and you're feeding the relationship poison, so no one can just go into reconciliation with an unforgiving heart. I believe that that they need to totally clean up just to start this phase. Also, unforgiveness is the root, and forgiveness is the strong route for fruits of anger, for fruits of resentment and for fruits of just judgment. So, um, I would I would save like from my end, I take the route from the beginning to just have everything go smoothly. Also, unforgiveness confuses us. It helps. It just keeps us focused on us. Us on our pain, on our anger on our offense. It just blinds us to the wider, bigger picture. We don't know. We don't know so many things. But once we, we un forgive, were trapped and that pain were trapped in that anger. So I would encourage each one of you, no matter what the offenses to let go for you, for you number one and for the relationship number two. So letting go remember is not forgetting the fence, and it's not giving the person back the favor because favor and trust is earned. Your heart is so precious, so favor is very important and trust is very important, so it has nothing to do with those two things. Forgiveness is for you. Also, um, forgiveness releases us and gives us that peace and clarity, which is the most important thing. Once you are grounded and peace and clarity, then you can just take care of everything. And that's why I would really encourage you to start the conflict solving from a forgiving engine for giving loving heart. Because otherwise I don't think you can go on to number two. Ah, Secret number two or Secret Number three or go on. So so I would strongly encourage you to do that. 3. - Exercises for Secret 1: No, I've included some exercises, questions to see to question where your heart is that question number one as. How easy are you to forgive those who offend you? Do you find yourself letting go easily or you find yourself just clinging to to the pain? Onda anger and disconnecting. And the second question is, Do you find yourself getting power from forgiving offenders or and forgiving them? And this is a very important point because sometimes when we think when we hold that and forgiveness in our hearts, we think we're are like it empowers us while it's on the contrary, it's exactly the contrary. What and forgiveness does. It's an illusion of empowerment. It's an illusion that by me, taking my own justice, I have, like, power over that. And it's exactly the big lie that a lot of people believe for a long time, and they find themselves just in pain and they lose their peace. So this question is very important to pond your own, and, um, that's it for Secret number one 4. 2. Stop Blaming Yourself: My second secret is to stop blaming yourself. You would be surprised at the amount of negative thoughts we feed ourselves, especially when we fail. So it would be very nice to remember that relationships are very complicated and that conflict is inevitable in relationships. So I would recommend that you be kind on yourself and whatever you feed yourself, help like notice. Are they empowering thoughts or they're not empowering thoughts. Also, I noticed that self condemnation is paralyzing. It does not empower you at all. And at this point of solving conflict, you need to be empowered because you need toe launch you to be all going full blast into solving this conflict. So by you, feeding yourself bad thoughts is just not gonna help you, and its gotta go for sure. And also, um, it's in your design. It's in your design as a mall. It's in your design as a dad watching this, and it's in your design as a human being just to be relational. So so solving conflicts are in our design. So by just condemning ourselves, we're just feeding ourselves lies to our original design. So I would recommend whenever you start feeling that you're you're just thinking bad thoughts about the conflict, about your failure, about how bad this is going on and on every bad thoughts. Just toss it on the side and have yourself just set in the right mindset. Tow launch positively now. I included a few questions for you to ponder on. They would help you with that. The first question is, what are the things you tell yourself when you fail? This is very, very important because, um, people who are hard on themselves, they just they tend to be, um like whenever they tend not to accept that failure is part of life, and it's part of just experiencing. So whenever they fail, they just feed themselves very bad. Bad feedback. So I would recommend you ponder on this, and also, what do you think of yourself? This is also a very deep question, because how you think of yourself determined on what you feed yourself, like the thoughts you feed yourself. So, um, take time and invest in these questions would be very nice 5. 3. Focus On The Relationship and Not The Results: my secret Number three is to focus on the relationship and not the result. This was a huge one for me and once I started seeing that the relationship is way more important than the result that I was expecting at that moment. And I was disappointed and not getting it. Despite all the effort, despite all my expectations, that shifted for me and it created a very peaceful atmosphere between me and my kids. So I would recommend you to remember that results need time. The results need time. You guys do not rush things because sometimes is just things need time to to simmer to change. And we have different paste, each one of us, then just to remember where we came from, that we were just to remember that it took us time also to get here. It took us time to mature to to to get to this where we're at also and this is very, very important is we need as parents, we need us friends to create a safe atmosphere for others to open up to because, um, friendship or parenthood, they need a They need a vulnerable atmosphere. They need a peaceful, relaxed atmosphere for others to grow its kind of parenting. It's kind of coaching. So if you if, if I focus on the result and it's not met and that's all I'm focusing on, I kind of like bypass the relationship. And I get agitated because the result is taking longer than I expect. And therefore my agitation could come out as disappointment as anger as, um as pain felt by my kids. And this might create just very and safe atmosphere for others for my kids to open up to, and therefore they will not be vulnerable, and they would just put on their wall and just the skin neck. And the conflict is not solved, and the relationship is just cut off. So, um, I also notice that people who are hard on themselves usually are hard on others. So I would recommend that you give yourself kindness. And once you start sinking in that kindness and accept number two, that failure is not a failure. I would recommend you change the word from failure to experience, because experience has, um, has, like, a challenge added to it. It has a joy factor that it's OK. It's okay to not succeed all the time and it's OK because with it, then I am growing and I'm experiencing. So I think once you get the number two, um, secret, then the number t three will just come naturally and you will be kinder on yourself. Therefore kinder on others. Some of the questions I included to think about our what do you do when people don't meet the results you are expecting of them? This is very important for you to notice that What is your reaction when your expectation is not met? And then you know, if you fall short in this one or if you already have this one, figure it out, and then the 2nd 1 is Are you a safe person to speak to? Do you listen, when someone's heart is open to you, do you overreact? You get offended. So this is also it falls along the same line that, and it helps you to see from the last conflict you're having. What's your reaction to your expectations not being met? Our 6. 4. Know Yourself: So my fourth secret is to know yourself, and sometimes we think that really know ourselves. But we'll be surprised because I believe that every human being is a treasure box, and I would recommend that you dig deep into your treasure box. So ways to know yourself I included in this teaching is a lot of personality tests. They helped me a lot to know, like the strength finder, like the love language test, like many other disk tests. So, um, try to invest some time in that so to know, your strength, your weaknesses, what are the things that you're personality you have strong characteristic in that would benefit you and solving that the conflict and and being that strong person in the relationship and your weaknesses? What are what are your your characteristic weaknesses? We all have some. It also helps to know your love language. So, you know, if the other person is speaking to you the way you feel loved and you know if they're speaking another love language or they have another love language, you would put your hand on it, and you would not feel misunderstood or not loved, even though they're trying their best. So there are five love languages. It's very nice to be aware of them and to know what's yours are. There's a word of affirmation. It's by words, and there's acts of services by just somebody doing something for you. There is gift. If you receive gifts, you feel loved. There's touch if you get hugged. If you get your hands, hell, you feel loved. And there is quality time. If the other person really spends, like takes, puts everything inside and spent quality time with you. So this is a very important tool. If you know it in yourself, then you're start recognizing that and other people. So also, um, it's very important to know your triggers. Once you know what triggers you, what bothers you, then you know how to react to it and to just be one step ahead. One they appear, and this is a very strength, and it helps you with self control because knowing what pushes your button, is it injustice? Is it, um ah, just pride. Is that other things or just whenever you notice, then you know how to, oh, time to control myself. And another thing also is to know what empowers you. What reinforces that positive positivity in you and this is also very important because a lot of things usually out of habits, out of just old lifestyle that do not empower us, even people habits people thinks we just got accustomed to. There were good at one point in our life. But now they're just a drag and their disempowerment. We need to let go of those. And we need to just recognize what is good for us right now. What is not good for us. So I would recommend to understand that about yourself too. So, um, I include few X. I included few exercises for you. How much time have you invested on yourself? This is good question. Because sometimes we give a lot of people more time than we give ourselves, so I would recommend to know yourself. Do you know the point? I mentioned your strength, weakness, love language triggers enforcements. And I also included a lot of personality tests and some of the books that really, really like relational books that really helped me connect with others. So, um, enjoy doing those 7. 5. Know Your Kids: No, my secret number five iss to know your kids to know those people you're trying to connect with and solve the conflict. Now that you invested the time and knowing yourself, put some time in knowing those people knowing your kids. It's a very good investment. It's good to know their strength, and their weakness is to notice. You can notice, can ask questions from your past history. It's good to know their love language kind of easy to figure out. It's the way they usually express themselves to you. It's usually their love language, even though it's not yours. It's good to know what empowers them. What triggers them. You sure don't want to be there, trigger. So it's really important to know the people you're dealing with for my kids. I give them the personality test, some of them and they tested and it was a very excitement adventure. It was really mind blowing to find out some of the strength, their weaknesses and stuff. So So I would really encourage you to invest some time in this and, um, how fun would that 8. 6. Lower Your Expectations: No, my secret number six is to lower your expectations. I know it's it's it seems sad for somebody to lower their expectations, But what I'm asking you for you to do here is that to remember that at this time and this era, where technology is all over, where everybody is holding a tablet everywhere and we're starting to get accustomed on just being in our own thing, just watching all the time, the screen on the Internet, the computer, the TV that it's so hard for us to connect that it's very challenging for us just to find time and to do the effort just to to have that intimacy, vulnerability, the things I talked about before. So So I want to encourage you just to be easy on yourself and to lower those expected stations and to recognize that a lot of things are changing as technology advances and as it is easier for us just to be in our own little world. So this is one thing, and then the second thing is just to put yourself in your kids shoes because, um, they're just coming from a different generation from a different a technology era from a different everything. So by putting yourself in their shoes and how hard it takes for them to connect harder than you on their maturity and everything, it would give you less like hard expectations Teoh to come up with also with conflicts. We kind of forget that it took years for our habits to develop and therefore for the conflict to arise. So sometimes the conflict has ah lot of variables and it's too complex. So by lower in our expectations, we just are more realistic in solving the conflict. So it could be not just one issue. It could be many issues. It could be something generational is that we drag from our parents have it. It could be something in our childhood. It could be something that happened now or old trauma. So sometimes by just just being kind on the conflict on the situation and lowering our expectations, that gives more of, ah, peaceful atmosphere, not tell me to lose the vision, to expect it to be resolved. I'm just saying that that just be kind on you end on others taken into consideration all these variables that took years that is just might surfacing right now as we doing relationship. So, um, that that when taking that into consideration, it creates, ah, more relaxed atmosphere, I believe. And then, um, it gives the situation some time to be solved. Now, some of the exercises that include I included are Do you expect results to be magically changed? The moment you're thinking has changed. Now, I said that because some people have a very fast paced and, um, they there, they expect others to change really quick with them. So as the conflict arise, like I change fast. So as the conflict arise and with all these personality, different personalities, different way of doing things, things are just not gonna magically be solved. So just give it sometimes. And then second, you expect people to change around you because you changed. Do you expect the change to happen at the same rate it happened with you. This also, um, like I mentioned before, like question number one. So, um, it would also help you to see what you did in the last conflict. 9. 7. Have a Long Term Goal: No, my secret number seven is to have a long term goal. Now, I like I mentioned before to be patient is very important here because you're not focusing on now, Onley. You're focusing on this precious relationship that you want to keep. So patience is very important in here And also to start picturing in your heart and your mind set Start picturing what you would say what you would do, how you like the relationship to be so have, like a long term vision of like that that generates hope in your heart. And it also gives you, like, kind of, like prepares you on what to expect on the long term. And it gives you patience and endurance if you don't get the feedback right away. Also. The third thing is, I want you to remember that you are reprogramming habits. You are dealing with many generational stuff. You are resetting minds. So there are many things involved. What knee? What waas the normal For a long time, the conflict is bringing to the surface. The conflict is when two people are just not agreeing anymore. On what used would they used to be agreeing about? So So now that you're changing or the kids are changing, things just happen and you're changing just everything. You're changing everything. So growth, when there's growth, there are many things evolved and by reprogramming, resetting. Doing all these things is just takes time. It takes time. So it's good to set ourselves into a long term goal that takes, uh, very realistic view of it. And also, if you think of conflicts as opportunities, if you think of conflicts like don't, a lot of people get scared when conflicts arise because they don't like the tension. They don't like the the argument, or they feel scared that they might lose the other person or being misunderstood or something like that. The way I see it, I see conflicts as opportunities for growth, opportunities to change, opportunities to reconnect on a deeper level. So with that attitude, walking in a conflict whenever it arises, you feel like you. You own it, you own it and it doesn't overwhelm you. It doesn't like, and it's easier for you to overcome it. So I would recommend also when the conflict arises, just to think about it as a opportunity to connect on a deeper level. Some of the exercises I included on this secret is, Do you expect change overnight? It also has a patient's factor. And how many issues are you dealing with that are causing this disconnection? Are you given that the time needed to deal with one issue at a time? Are you putting a time stress on yourself on top of the issue you are dealing with? So it's good to take into consideration all the factors involved. 10. 8. The Secret Formula: secret Number eight is one of my favorite secrets, and it's called the secret formula Now. Once I realized this and not so long ago, I when I started implementing it, it changed a lot of things in my life. So the secret formula goes like this. You have first the truth, and that's what you want for it to be, um, translated into your kids and what you want the kids to give you also. So you have the truth. But it's how you give that truth. How you you put that truth into action, you sandwich that truth with honor and would love and what I need, what I mean by honor. Let me define it for you. Here is when you project honor you project a gratitude, your project appreciation. You let the other person feels that they are heard and that you appreciate their time into this. So let's say you have a conflict and you want to tell your kids the issue. What you start with by example is honor, truth, love. It's sequential the steps. So the kid comes and you start by saying, I really appreciate you coming here and putting the time into this. I know that today you had this this this and you know, you just give them that honor, that appreciation, that respect. And then by starting the conflict like the conflict solving like this, it kind of lowers their defense wall, and it kind of opens them up for the truth. That comes second. And that's what you want. You want things to change. There's a conflict because you don't want the old stuff to be happening anymore. So you just say the truth is I felt misunderstood. I felt, um this respect that I felt neglected, like my chores were neglected or whatever. So what I'm saying is you start by saying I and then the feeling if you start by saying I and then the feeling it also continues dis arming their protective wall. So because if if you go ahead and honor them and then you start attacking you did this. You did this. You did this. Their ears are gonna be shut down. So So what you gonna say? You're just going to say I felt this this and it comes also from a humble heart from vulnerability. And it's the truth because whatever happens, made you feel like this. And then you start after this. You just ended after present. The truth. You ended by saying I love you and I love what you've done in the past. And I would recommend here to grab on a point and two or two that you love about them. Just sometimes you got to think hard. No. So just grab on whatever you love about them in particular, that particular person kid of yours or friend And then you just say, I love this about you and I love our that I'm your mom when I'm your dad or I love that that we have this together and lets your heart just pour out with love. This how you get the change happening by the secret formula. Now what I'm telling you is easier said than done. And it takes a lot of practice, but it's not impossible. And it has done wonders for me once I just practiced it and I started doing it 11. - Exercises for Secret 8: so I included the few exercises also here regarding the secret 1st 1 is how do you start your conversation with people When giving a remark or expressing your hurt? Do you lose the first step to start it with respect and honor? Do you lose the last step? Do forget to end it with loved. You start like by blaming. You did this. You did that. So I would just recommend you look at your last conflict and see what went wrong in this, uh, area. Also, have you been treated with honor and respect? This question, um, is opens doors, actually, to a lot of stuff that sometimes we need to face. And this question I noticed that people who have not been treated with respect usually they lock the tool to treat other was respect. So, um, you like we need to get to that point where we value and respect and appreciate our kids, our friends, our loved ones. So if we have been lacking that in our upbringing, I would recommend you go and you just face it. You don't deny it. You face it. You forgive whoever did not give it to you. Whether it's apparent whether it's it's an atmosphere, whether it's school and you just go on, you just open your eyes to it because it's very important now for you to change and focus on the present. And it's the future is in your hands. The present and the future is in our hand to change. So whether we hade respect and honor in the past, whether we did generate it in the past or we couldn't generate it because we were lacking that respect, it was not given to us. So we came in the wrong tools into the relationship. It doesn't matter now that we see now that we see we can work on it and we can get empowered and we can change and shift and we can have the present the way we want to. And also we can have the future, our destiny, the way we we want to. We are a big part in making that, so I would recommend you face that you deal with it and you shift into projecting honor no matter what it takes, because it's the key for the conflict change 12. 9. Understanding The “Readiness Level”: No, My last secret is a very exciting secret. And I kept it for you for the last secret because it really also changed a lot of things on how I see my kids and recognizing things about myself and that is recognizing the readiness level of your child or your friend or your loved one. So there are six different readiness levels, and by you recognizing which level your kid is into and you're coming from, you find a better way for you to connect and change happened much easier. So, um, I'm gonna mention each one and what our role as a conflict solver is at this level. So the first level is the pre contemplating readiness level. And in this level, if you have a kid in this level, he is not seeing the problem. He's not even recognizing that there's a problem. He doesn't want to change because he doesn't see. So our role here as conflict solvers is for us to create value in that change. So we can just bring up the problem that there's a conflict. We have a problem in this. Things are changing and creating value in the change because they don't see it, and there is no value for them if they don't see it. So this is the 1st 1 The 2nd 1 is the contemplating readiness level, and this is when their eyes are open, that there is a conflict. But they are resisting the change. So here, what would help is to add more values and start thinking and projecting for them the pros into changing and the cons, the cons and the pros, and adding more value. So they make that decision into facing that conflict and doing some action into change in it. Now, the third, um, readiness level is determination. This one is very, very crucial one. Because in this one, in the determination and the step number four is where the windows of opportunities are so on. The determination is there determined to change So and here you start suggesting suggesting , like what? As much as they give you permission without, like bombarding them on what? Some of the tools, what? Some of the possibilities into the change, and then, um, the 4th 1 is also the window of opportunity, and that is the action. And that's where they are totally open to change and they're taking those steps. They're applying their determination and their taking those steps into change. So that's where you just, um, offer them more tools, more help be available and, um, help them up now. Step number five is maintenance and in maintenance. A lot of people fall short in that in maintenance. It's very crucial just to maintain and to monitor those last those new tools, those new habits, those new changes that happened for you and for them to determine this new relationship and to develop that change. So maintenance is just going back periodically and checking. Okay, So what happened here? What did we do, right? What did we do wrong? What's going on? This is very, very important. Now the last readiness level is relapse and and relapse. Just Things just don't work out and they fall. Ah, part And this one. It's It's very realistic because you're applying new things to this conflict solving to this change. So expect relapse toe happen, and when that happens, I would recommend that you be kind on yourself. You'll be kind on them. Go back to the steps again and just go back toe whatever readiness level it requires and whatever change needs to be done. So these are the six readiness level that I found very, very helpful because once they're not applied, we kind of like annoyed each other, me and the kids or me and my friends. We annoyed each other because I would, like, give advice into something to change, but they don't even see the change, so that really helps just to understand where they're coming from and what needs to be done . It's also, um, help in that bridging the connection. It's very, very important. 13. - Exercises for Secret 9: So some of the exercises I included in this last secret is now that you're familiar with these steps for readiness for change, can you recall your last connection failure and see which levels you were both operating from? Did you act and they're ready and their readiness level where you understood. And, um, the 2nd 1 is, Do you know now how to face that conflict with a different plan? Come to come prepared is just enjoyable. So the's steps that would only give you peace into entering the conflict. But it would give you joy because the outcome would be like a connection, a connection between your kids, a loved one, and that's very human, and everybody wants that. 14. Last Note: So sometimes, even if you apply the nine secrets, even if you come with vulnerability, even if you come with boundaries with kindness, with all these steps, sometimes sometimes, uh, other people, kids, whether friends or relatives or whatever, they just need more time. They just need more time, and all you can do is just give them some space for them to get to that point while showing them love while showing them respect. So sometimes it's OK to leave the conflict. I hate to leave conflicts unsolved. I hate it. I hate to sleep with, um, mad at somebody or somebody mad at me, but sometimes you can do all this and not see any feedback from the other person. And that's what I would recommend. You just leave it alone till the other person is ready for for it to rise up to be exposing . Sometimes they may not be ready. I honestly these are mine. I secrets that work 99.9% of the time. But I got to give you that 1%. That is an exception and just have you prepared for it so you don't beat yourself up. Yeah. Then you go back to self condemnation and stuff. So, um, I hope that you benefitted from my steps. They all come from experience. They all have Victoria stories attached to them. And I leave you with blessings. And I leave you with peace and joy into just going and just owning your conflict and bridging that connection and just having the intimacy your heart longs for and your kids and loved ones long for be at peace and God bless you.