4 Principles of Confident Communication | Martin Semerad | Skillshare

4 Principles of Confident Communication

Martin Semerad, Body Language & Facial Expressions

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7 Lessons (29m)
    • 1. Introduction

      2:37
    • 2. 1st principle - Confidence

      3:59
    • 3. The Confidence Exercise

      1:14
    • 4. 2nd principle - Safety & Security

      7:11
    • 5. 3rd principle - Communication

      8:02
    • 6. 4th principle - Encouraging Body Language

      2:13
    • 7. Summary

      3:47

About This Class

Imagine walking down the street approaching a person you are supposed to meet.

Feel it, the nervousness of what is it going to be like to start talking to him or her. You don’t know what to talk about and how is going to evolve so you would appreciate the list of how to act, what to say, how to say or even what to look for to know how is it going.

In this course, you will learn a set of proven steps and skills in the “art” of amazing people and getting them to listen to you. You will learn about  how to increase your own confidence with a simple body language exercise, how to encourage other people to trust you and talk more. You will also learn how to start a conversation with any person out there (the technique is so powerful, you cannot imagine, once you try it...you will be the star).

Body language is a vital component of delivering the emotional part of the message and when we aim to be the most impressive we must aim to master the body language. Because the impression is emotional. So make sure, you raise your head, watch your distance and smile!

It doesn’t matter if you are a mother of two who just wants to deepen her communicational skills and some knowledge or you are a business owner who has to be charming and impressive at the investor pitch. Because both of them are just people and if you know how to talk to the first one, you will also know how to talk to the second or the seventh.

After this course, you will walk down the street heading to meet this stranger not with fear but with the excitement of what a great person you are about to meet because you will know, how to deal with him.

Transcripts

1. Introduction : welcome to the very last session off this course. And in this session, I like to talk a little bit about performing. It's, like, totally opposite way off, looking at the body language. So I just wanted to touch it. So to give you a hint, what is that about? And how to create a theories on this topic. For example, Andi, I will definitely create the next huge course on this topic. So I just wanted to give you a little hint. What is that about? On our what? What should we be? We're off when we are trying to be impressive and use our body language not as observational skill, but as a personal skill to impressing people to communicate properly with people. And so when So So in this session, we're going to talk about about confidence. What is confidence made off on how to but language wise gets to the confidence on you will get a fury, and I will give you great exercise, how to train it on how you could also feel the changes between the two different type of stands. Then we are going to talk about safety and security protocols that our body has and how to get around them so you wouldn't like, touch them, poke them and they wouldn't get angry. Because when you touch the safety protocols, you are not fighting for for impression. Impressive conversation. You are not fighting for a successful communication, but you are more fighting for the bear communication that it's not about the positive impact of the communication, but just the communication. And then I'm going to talk about to talk to people just slightly small things that might give you a hint. What is a conversation onda communication about? From the non verbal perspective on that number perspective in World's kind of wearable perspective. So you will see in yourself on then, at the end last section, the Last Supper part of this off the session, I will talk about encouraging body language because if you want to talk to someone, you want to ask them questions. You will have to encourage them to talk because some people are drying to make you toe, want them to talk to them so they are like, closed on. They are waiting until you encourage them to talk a bit more, More, more, more, more. Yeah, and that's it. Pretty much so. I hope you looking forward to this more section on. Let's start 2. 1st principle - Confidence : Let's start about confidence. Confidence is something that's a crucial for great organizations. If you want to be a successful communicator at some coaches say, if you want to be impressive, if you want to make people fall in love with you. And I'm not talking about the intimate love but foreign lovinyou just to match with someone and you want to spend more time with that person, you have to be confident and confidence concerts from three more sub points, which I'm going to talk about in a minute. But as I say, confidence is crucial for any successful conversations. If you will goto jump interview and you won't be confident, you won't get that job more likely. If you will go on a date and you won't be confident, you have a huge problem because the other person will feel it on. They probably won't be attractive to that, so the confidence is a white lie thing for success organization. It's not the only white ill thing, but it's one off the white all things that has to be there in the personality traits off every single successful and the impressive person. So how to devise confidence? I've divide conference, your three small sub points, which 1st 1 of them is the dominance. Dominance is something that brings the strength that brings the raw strength into that confident dominance. Dominance by itself is, ah, threatening is a threatening is aggressive. It's something that if you are just dominant, you have to open every person that's near you. So you have to have this type of trade in yourself. You have to have a fragment of your personal. I think that is this type that you are about to fight for your place, that you know who you are and you will stand your ground. That is the dominance that brings the strength that brings the action into the confidence. This is against not the only thing that is important there, because if you would be just dominant and you wouldn't have the other through things, you'd be breaking the rule from the second sub point which I've been talking about as, ah, security protocols in our bodies. So the 1st 1 was dominant. The 2nd 1 which is diminishing the aggressive and threatening part off their dominance, is a smile by smile. You are going to tell that you are friendly that you are not there to fight that person, that you are not going to dare that that you are not going that Yeah you are not there to be threatening that you are friend, that you are easy going that you are easy to talk to person on your fun person because everyone to be even fun people. So if you will have a smile, you are rate So the smile is diminishing due dominant, threatening aggressive part from the dominance. So we get a dominance, we get a smile and now we are getting to the throats a point which is also very important. And that is openness by openness. You are working attention from your body to the body off the other person you are, you might say as it is like you. Given that all the signs from body language of intentions that you are opening yourself, you can see a lot of speakers do this type of movement. They are opening their bodies towards the audience. I do it as well, but doesn't matter now. So openness. It's something that's also very important because you are telling by that that you are not hiding something that that you are not hiding anything, that you are therefore that person, that you are going to pay attention to that person that you are going to just listen to. That person on this openness is ah, like a bridge to the safety and security particles. So let's start about these now. 3. The Confidence Exercise : and now it's time for an exercise. How to create that feeling off confidence. Let's start. We have to start with the dominance. Dominance is produced by erecting our head like this, pushing our shoulders forward. And we can, like, strengthen that feeling by having an angry facial expression and clutching our fist. And you can also flex the muscles and just feel the strength Feel that how the energy is flowing in your body. Then with this position with this anger position, with this dominance position, you drop the angry facial expression and smile. Now you don't feel that you want to kill anyone anymore on, but you still feel the strength in your body. And now you drop the clutched fists on. Open yourself towards the people that, like you, would like to explain something. You still feel the strength in the body. You still have the directed. Had you still have the showed shoulders pushed backwards? You still feel that you have. You are strong, but you don't want to kill anyone anymore. Just feel that you are confident that you know where you are. You know what you stand for and you know that that that's it. 4. 2nd principle - Safety & Security: I hope you're not afraid. And now we're going to talk about safety and security protocols. Safety and security protocols are in every single person, and we all have it when there is something that's threatening out there, our safety protocols, Pope in start or how do we call it on? We are fighting for our bare life or flying away to save our life. This is cold response, fight or flight on every single person. Even animals has it when we are scared, when we are surprised by something not nicely, we are evaluating at that moment when we are going to fight that thing that attacked us are we are going to fly away from that, that thing or person. So this is very much the same, even man. We are talking to someone when they are meeting summer for first time, for example, and we are going to scare that person. He's no thinking about, have great we are. But when we scared him, he's thinking about whether he has to fight with us or fly away from us. So what I mean by that when we want to have impressive colonization when you wanna have successful conversation. We can't often that person. We can't show any signs that he might be threatening towards that person. And if we are showing some of these signs in the mind off, that person starts popping up. The question. What's going on there? Do I have to be afraid? Should I be fright at that moment? Or is that all right on At the moment, this inner dialogue is in in that hat as you can imagine, it's no way I'm not talking about impressing. We are not talking about how great is that person. He made me feel afraid. They is amazing. I love him. It's not gonna happen. So when there's gonna be death question, well, why he's standing that close? Why can't I see anything from him? Why is he hiding his hands? Why did he touch me? I didn't want him to touch me. If you have this type of in a dialogue, you can imagine that it's not the positive. So by the security rules we are trying to prevent, we're trying to prevent the colonization from these type off in a dialogue, which I hope we can do. So let's start with the point number one and we're going to talk about hands. You always have to keep your hands on the site off that person, not on the side, like you have to keep it like that so you could touch them. But, I mean, you always have to keep them so the other person could see on them, because when you will hide your hands behind your bag now it's called like more mayor. Walk on. It's very, very superior way off walking. It's also very arrogant on. And that person is missing a huge part off the conversation off the communication because not only that, his brand start asking question. What's wrong with mechanization? There's something missing in there because we are just gliding were just equating a lot with our hands. So that is it on another thing from the evolutionary perspective or from a history perspective since the day one. The hands where the carriers for weapons. So our brain learned that on towards Dad it always has to check if there is any weapon in the hands. So actually, researchers shows Dad one of the first places where you look when you meet someone is their hands, so It's a deeply rooted in our subconscious mind that we have to look at the hands of the people when we are meeting them. So if you are not going to show them your hands, you are going to start one of these safety protocols. Andi in the dialogue will pope in their mind and you screwed. You can do something else at the moment, so this is the first point you have to always show your hands on. Another interesting thing is that that's why the handshakes like wolf, because you are like telling that I don't carry any weapon. You can trust me, so I'm giving you my hand in a Roman Roman times. They were also like giving the hands like this so they could check if they are carrying any weapons here like the hidden blades. So that's just think. That's not very important now, but it's interesting. Another thing in the second point here that you have to show all your body. It's more for the people who are selling something they are like in retail, and they can stand behind the counter, and I'm tryingto have a successful colonization. Successful selling conversation with that person about when your body is hidden from like 60%. Everybody is hidden. You can be impressive very much because it's like the brain. It stores that the body is whole and when it can see the whole body getting problems. So make sure that when you want to talk to someone and you don't know that person while you don't like, you don't have a strong relationship with that person so far. Make sure that you go around that obstacle and you stand so you both could see the whole body off the person on the last thing. This throats a point here is that you have to always Carrie how far she do stand from that person will be already talking about it in the scores, but it's pretty much the same. You can't intellectually, so how far should do stand from that person? Because it's pretty much impossible to do it to comprehend all the datas about that person , which you don't have any way. So we just have to stop at one point and wait until that person comes to you at the distance that person stops from you. It is the distance that is comfortable for that person. So don't do the step forward, because if you will do, that, person will probably go back. And you would be like running like that. So when you are meeting someone and you don't know that person well again, stop a bit further away from him and he will approach you. I'm not talking like to stand 10 meters away from and wait till he come, but like when you are getting on the border, when you start feeling that it's too close to standing with you on, you just stop a bit sooner than he does. And you wait till the the stand. He will choose for this conversation, and you can survive it for that moment. When you do it, can Cheslea And But when we are talking about long term relationships, you have to like work on the compromise and thes things. But that's on long we're talking. So that's it about safety and security on. Let's start talking about something else for a while, 5. 3rd principle - Communication : it's time for talking for a while now the great tips and on how to converse Ate with people s written in a book by Adele Carnegie How to win friends and influence people. So if you would like to know much more about how to talk to people definitely go for that book. It's like a Bible organization. So I would highly recommend you to do it, to read it on, to comprehend all the informations from that, because I'm not even far close to this guy. So I just picked some of the great advice is from that book which worked for me, which I use, and I'm very happy with that. I'm kind of good and using these. So the first step here is ah that you have to ask questions. We eager every single person you're to talk about ourselves. So when you will ask a question when you will of course, asked the right question. You have to find the right question for each person, but it's related with another sub point here, so make sure that you will ask questions more than you will talk if you are going to be asked. That's great But don't forget to ask questions as well, because some people might try to wear to your attention from them by asking questions. What? Make sure that you will always reply with the question. I mean, like you reply for that question that person gave you, and then you ask about on yourself. Then you ask about something on yourself that is very powerful thing. Very, very powerful. I can't even say how powerful is that? And what can you achieve that by asking questions? Just by showing that you are interested in that person, It's It's very powerful, and you have to experience it on your own. I got kind of stories about this as well. I can't tell them here anyway. Go out and ask questions. Ask, ask, ask, and be interested in. People that are standing oppose it off you because everyone, everyone, every single person, appreciate when you are interested in them. We are all kind of a little bit selfish inside of us, so we want to talk about ourselves. We enjoy when someone is interested in us, so make sure that you are going toe ask questions. That's very powerful tape on colonization. Another one. The questions should be related to the topic that it's important for that person again. You can do some ho treating. You can try to find out something about that person, or you just we'll find out with the question. Hi, what's your What's your hobby? What do you do when you are off the work, for example? By that you can you can find out was the topic on. Then when you get home, you can find out something about that topic, and you can ask that person questions and will lead to decolonization. That person will know that you are interested in him, but you don't need to tell him that you search something on that. OK, I'm just giving you tips. But when you will find a topic that that person is interested in, you are almost winning their hearts again because you are not only that, you are given that person and attention off yours. But you are also talking about something that that person love, and not just himself or herself by some topic that he or she is interested in, which is also very important on the crucial thing. When he wanted to have a successful conversation with someone. Another thing is that I wouldn't I highly wouldn't recommend you too often someone by our wards meaning, for example, like unwisely say harshly no, to something that you don't think about how huge impact your words can have, because you're because your words are very powerful and your words has a power to destroy or to restore something. So you have to choose wisely how you are going to react to the subjects to the questions to the things that other people say, because you might destroy that person. I'm not exaggerating that you can destroy that person just by your words, just by the words that you say when you are tired, for example, when you are hungry, you have to be very careful about what you say when that person is a bit more sensitive and you say something routes to that person. You are creating a huge breaks into hiss soul or her soul, so make sure that you will think wisely. What do you say? Because it's your responsibility for what you say. It doesn't work that way, that it doesn't matter how we understand it, I said. What I say, I'm just I'm honest, I'm jobs, I'm trying to. I'm saying always the truth. It doesn't work that way. It's your responsibility when you know that that person is for even plus a bit more sensitive. It's your responsibility to work with that information and notes to harm that person unless it is your aim to do it. So in the most cases, our responsibility is do what we say to other people, so try to not often other people, unless it's it is very necessary at that moment. So just that's another very powerful tape that I'm trying to keep up with, and the last thing is that you can fake it. It's pretty impossible to fake something what I said from the above until you feel it until you are on one, until you like, comprehended and take it as your part of behavior. So make sure that you are going to you are not trying not only going to fake these things that you are going to force the questions, I have to ask 1,000,000,000 questions because summer outside it now just feel it and when it will be on a place just asked that question and how can you feel it? You have to train it. You have to go out and you have to talk to people, train it, enjoy it. Enjoy talking with people, even if we're introverted. I'm enjoyed it as well. I don't need people to be happy. I don't need people to to relax, but I enjoyed when I'm out there talking to them, listening to them, asking questions and all the things I've listed above. I really enjoy it on. I'm trying to not to take it, but I don't feel it at the moment. I'm not asking a lot of questions, but when I feel, I just know how can I do it? So it's great for you. And if you don't know how to come up with some questions, for example, just sit down with a piece of paper, pick some topic. You are interested, for example. For me, it would be body language, and I would write, write down 10 questions about body language on you can train it like this. How to be better at asking questions. You don't need to find an answer for that. At the moment, you can find a person who is interested in that subject the same like you. And you can ask them these questions just if you don't know how to how to come up with questions, just just practice it because you will get much better when you will do it. That's like a law. So that's it. The bark organizations. But communication. I hope it might be teachable for you on Let's move a bit for a way, how to encourage people to talk about what you ask them for, and that's it. 6. 4th principle - Encouraging Body Language : So now we have to encourage people to talk more about what we ask them for what, what we want to talk about with them on how to encourage them, you know, already have a lot of information about deserving but a language. So what do you think? That should be proper way? How to encourage people to talk. You can pause the video and do the list life from the previous section, or just listen what I wanted to say about it. It's not much, but just a little on this topic. So you, for example, could had. Still, you are telling by this that you are feeling nice with that person, that you want to listen to them, that you are not in a fighting mood. So it feels nice. You can smile a bit more. You can smile and to know which is also why you sign that you are expecting that there is something going to happen that that person is going to say something on, and by noting that is also another thing, that but you're noting slowly. It's like patient and not quickly. It might be funny showing it right now for me, but by the quickness. Thank you are sharing patients that you want to turn over and you want to talk, but and you want to talk about when slowly he will like encouraging that other person that you I want him to talk more. The other thing that might be interesting. That might be important, as like showing your attention to the person that all your body is going to be worth is to death Person and you will. He will feel that you are there with him, that you are supporting him and that's it. It's gonna be that short, because I want to leave a space for you to think about it on. Create your own theories on how to encourage people to talk from the information you got about observing. So if you imagine yourself in a position off, asked question asked person, What body language would you expect from the person who plays that question? When you imagine that that person wants you to encourage talking about that question? Andi, I would count to drive here on that 7. Summary : starting to some of this section. What did you find out? Interesting in this section? What did you learn? Do you have anything that you'd like to talk to me about? I'm very happy to talk to you about anything he want toe. Just approach me somewhere where he wants to. It's up to you now. So let's, um let's some of this section We've been talking about confidence, confidence, which causes from three sub points and was dominant smile and openness. You have to bring aggressive and threatening part off your personality. Then you have to diminish the threatening part on and be left only with the power off it by smile. And then you have to open yourself towards other people so you could show on by which you are expressing that you are there with these people. Then we've been talking about security protocols off every single person and dance. When we raised in a dialogue in the person, why is something happening? We are not talking about the successful colonization, So you have to make sure that you will prevent raising this in a dialogue. And you're right. You will prevent it by just regulating by showing hands to that person. Not like that. But you will like natural it talk with your hands on. It will feel nice than when you can be hidden behind the counter. Make sure that you're gonna do that. Many want to build, like, small relationship with the person you are just talking to because it will kill it on and lasts up. Point was that you had to stand on the right distance from that person on how to do it. What do you think then? We've been talking about communication. Have to talk to people how to ask questions, how to talk about a topic, that that person wants to talk about. How to be wise and don't offense. People don't ruin people by just ignorance off someone of you off anyone because we all are . Sometimes Tyra tea or us are sometimes hungry or whatever. And we can say the things that, as I said, good to destroy other persons personality on. We don't want to do it, especially when we love the person, or especially when we care about the mental health off address on justic cultural action ships. It doesn't want this way because it's our responsibility toe what we say. It's not the responsibility of the other person. It is also the responsibility of the other person bar. It's not our responsibility to say that it's their responsibility. So we should care about what can we change and what can we manage on? That's our responsible. Then we've been talking about about not faking it. You can't fake it. You have to feel it. Go out, changed. You go out training, talk to people, enjoy it. Then you can go home, enjoy or long and us as I enjoy as well. When I'm alone, it's not a bad thing to be alone. It's, Ah on the other side, the great thing because not a lot of people can be just by themselves. We don't silence and doing nothing, just enjoying their presence, Darryl. And then we've been talking about encouraging but language how to talk to people, how to encourage them with your body language to open themselves. More on that. You got another task in that south born, so I hope you've done it. That's it on and see you next time