30 Principles For Social Success: How to Win Friends and Influence People | Hamza Ahmed | Skillshare

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30 Principles For Social Success: How to Win Friends and Influence People

teacher avatar Hamza Ahmed, Self Improvement Coach

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Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
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Watch this class and thousands more

Get unlimited access to every class
Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Lessons in This Class

33 Lessons (58m)
    • 1. Intro

    • 2. How to watch this class

    • 3. Never criticize, condemn or complain

    • 4. Give honest and sincere appreciation

    • 5. Arouse an eager want

    • 6. Become genuinely interested in other people

    • 7. Smile

    • 8. Remember their name

    • 9. Be a good listener

    • 10. Talk in terms of their interests

    • 11. Make them feel important

    • 12. How to win an argument

    • 13. Never say 'You're Wrong'

    • 14. Admit your wrongdoings

    • 15. Begin in a friendly way

    • 16. Get them saying yes immediately

    • 17. Let them do the talking

    • 18. Let them feel that the idea is theirs

    • 19. See things from their point of view

    • 20. Be sympathetic

    • 21. Appeal to nobler motives

    • 22. Dramatize your ideas

    • 23. Throw down a challenge

    • 24. Begin with praise

    • 25. Call attention to mistakes indirectly

    • 26. Talk about your own mistakes first

    • 27. Ask questions instead of giving orders

    • 28. Let them save face

    • 29. Praise every improvement

    • 30. Give them a fine reputation to live up to

    • 31. Use encouragement

    • 32. Make them happy to do what you ask

    • 33. Wrapping up

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About This Class

Most of us have went our entire lives without the realisation that social skills are... a skill.

Social skills can be levelled up with effort and intention.

This is perhaps one of the best investments you could make in life.

The ability to manage people, to have beautiful relationships filled with empathy, to have fulfilling conversations with our fellow human beings, is priceless.

This is what a 'successful life' is. Please consider investing in yourself by learning these 30 principles for social success.

In this Skillshare class we'll be learning the 30 principles from Dale Carnegie's book How to Win Friends and Influence People that will skyrocket your social skills, making you a better conversationalist, more empathetic listener and turn you into a leader who can influence positive behaviour changes into your followers.

Watch this class right now and you'll:

  1. Get out of a mental rut
  2. Make friends quickly and easily
  3. Increase your popularity
  4. Win people to your way of thinking
  5. Increase your influence
  6. Handle complaints, avoid arguments and keep all engagements pleasant
  7. Become a better speaker and more entertaining conversationalist
  8. Arouse enthusiasm among your associates

I can safely say that How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie has significantly improved my life in such a short amount of time. I wish I had this book years ago and that is my reasoning behind making this class. I want others to learn these principles so that you are equipped with the best knowledge of making friends and becoming a leader.

My links:

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/Hamza97

Personal Development Coaching: https://www.fiverr.com/share/a746eg

Meet Your Teacher

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Hamza Ahmed

Self Improvement Coach


Advance your self improvement journey with my Skillshare classes.


I've tried and tested many different strategies of improving productivity, mental & physical health, reducing distractions.


I'll skip the bs and only teach you the most important, the 20% the yields 80% of results.


Follow my teacher profile and watch the class that interests you the most right now.

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1. Intro: For this skill share class, we'll be going over the principles outlined in this fantastic book, How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, whether you've read the book already or you get to learn the fundamental social skills. This scale share class is packed follow value and actionable steps that I'll have you making friends faster and easier than ever. You'll improve your coaching and mentoring skills whilst becoming a better entertainer and more empathetic listener. Something for everyone in this class, we'll be going over the 30 principles of social success before we start. Dale Carnegie himself said that there is one magic requirement to get the most out of this book. That is a deep driving desire to learn with a vigorous determination to improve your social skills. He suggests to constantly remind yourself of how important these principles are and how much you would like a richer social life. So here's a quick exercise. Imagine meeting a new person. Imagine this person in your head, what they would look like, what they would sound like. Now imagine that you had put in some work and effort to increase your social skills so that you can better manage your conversation with this new person that you are meeting. Having a conversation with this person that makes them feel appreciated and important. This makes that person feel grateful for you. They would be so glad they met you because you have taken the time to invest to level up your social skills. Your conversation with this person would genuinely make them feel good about themselves. That's amazing. We're spreading positivity here by learning the principles from this book. So well done for taking the first step in improving your social skills. Let's start right away with the first chapter, fundamental techniques in handling people. Principle one, never criticize, condemn, or complain. 2. How to watch this class: Carnegie says that the best way to get the most out of this book is to reach each chapter rapidly at first and then go back and reread each chapter thoroughly. So taking that advice into account, these different ways that you can watch this class to most benefit your social skills. You could binge watch all of the lectures for the next hour or so, just to get an understanding of what we're talking about here. And then slowly over the next month or so, you could watch one or two lectures a day. And then you completely focus your intention on actively trying those principles that you just learned. Carnegie says to stop frequently and to ask yourself how you can realistically use this principle that you're currently learning in your real life social interactions. So as you're watching this class, consider just pausing the video and take a minute or two to genuinely think about the people, the times, the environments that you could use these principles, I hope this sculpture class will be a source of information and value that you can just keep rewatching to just further solidify these principles into your mind. And with that said, let's begin with principle one. 3. Never criticize, condemn or complain: Principle, one of the fundamental techniques in handling people is to never criticize, condemn, or complain. Carnegie says, Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain. And most fools do. Politics, character, and self-control to be understanding and forgiving. He mentioned Abraham Lincoln saying, judge, not that ye be not judged. Lincoln had a whole lot of reasons to judge other people, yet he never did. He said don't criticize them. They are just what we would be under similar circumstances. And that makes sense if all of the circumstances like the lifelong history, the thought processes, the environmental factors were all the same. You must have acted in the same way as them. So we can't criticize someone for doing something we would do if we were in the exact, what a 100% same situation is, then this principle may actually be quite difficult to implement because it's actually much easier to be negative to someone who has messed up. It's harder, but therefore better for us to hold our judgments back and try our best to understand why they do what they do. Following this principle will turn you into a more kind person is the challenge of being kind, not exactly at this moments when our natural instinct is to criticize. So keep this new mentality of not criticizing, condemning, or complaining about someone. And you'll find that you become a more kind, empathetic person. 4. Give honest and sincere appreciation: Principle two of the fundamental techniques in huddling people is to give honest and sincere appreciation. Cunning, he says, we nourish the bodies of our children and friends and employees, but how seldom do we nourish their self-esteem? We neglect to give them kind words of appreciation that would sing in their memories for years like the music of the Morningstar's, he mentions Charles Schwab, presidents of the United States Steel Company in 1921, who said, I have yet to find the person who did not do better work and put forth greater efforts on Neurospora of approval, then he would ever do under a spirit of criticism, humans learn through positive reinforcement. We know that to be true through countless psychological studies. If you want someone to be happy, behaving in a certain way, encourage that behavior to honest appreciation. Tell them and show them that you are grateful for what they are doing. This is gonna make me sound like a bad person, but I never used to say thank you to my mum after she would make me breakfast, I recently started saying banks aren't complimented her on how well she cooks fried eggs and she just seems to enjoy it more. And he certainly made her smile. All of our associates B, that workers in shops, factories or families and friends are human beings and they all have a hunger for appreciation. Carnegie suggests to leave a friendly trail of little sparks of gratitude on your daily trips. So try that. Next time you're in a shop and you see a staff member working hard, give them appreciation. Next time you get a lovely meal or fantastic service in a restaurant, tell them, thank them for it. You'll be spreading positivity around your community, and I bet that person will smile about it. 5. Arouse an eager want: The third and final principle of the fundamental techniques in handling people is to arouse in the other person and ego wants. Carnegie says, tomorrow you may want to persuade someone to do something. Before you speak, pause and ask yourself, how can I make this person wants to do it? He mentions a quote from Henry Ford as some of the best relationship advice he's ever heard. If there is any one secret of success lies in their ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle, as well as from your own instead of discussion or threat when a young child was protesting about goals, kindergarten and member of Dale Carnegie's costs tried something different. Here. His wife site finger-painting and having lots of fun was telling his child about all of the things he would get to enjoy in kindergarten. This principle is all about motivating the other person. Put yourself in their shoes and think about their desires. What do they want? Arousing an eagle ones is very important in business. This is why companies do target market research to see what the customer wants. It's never about what your company wants, its about fulfilling the needs and the wants of the customer. This principle is very similar to law 13 of the 48 laws of power. What asking for help appeal to people's self-interest, never to them. Mercy or gratitude emphasize what they will get out of it. So you can practically implement this principle by being mindful of the needs and the ones of the person in front of you and talking about that, let me give you an example. I always wanted a chimp partner, someone to come to the gym with me and spot me whilst I was lifting weights when I would tell guys that I wanted a chimp partner. Do you think they ever threw themselves at the opportunity? No. But then when I started mentioning what they would get out of coming to the gym with me. And that was increased muscle strength and confidence all whilst training safely with someone who has a lot of experience. I started speaking about the benefits they would experience instead of just what I wanted. And now I almost always have a Guide to go to the gym with. 6. Become genuinely interested in other people: The fourth principle starts the new chapter, six ways to make people like you. And that is by becoming genuinely interested in other people. Carnegie says, you can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can't in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. He mentioned psychologist Alfred Adler. It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow man who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the grievous injury to others is as from such individuals that all human failures Spring. I've been using this principle with a thought that I keep in mind. Everyone has an interesting story, a mystique they've made that I could learn from the success that I may be able to replicate only by becoming interested in other people. Can you find these things out? Implementing this principle will make your conversations deeper. A Rowan poet, Publius Cyrus, said that we are interested in others. When they are interested in us, you'll strengthen quality friendships this way by overcoming the basic conversations that we usually limit ourselves to. Practical way that you can implement this principle is simply by asking the other person more questions, see where the conversation ends up. And you'll probably find something that really interests you. The other person will feel fantastic of the attention that you're giving them. And maybe you'll learn a thing or two. 7. Smile: The second principle of making people like you is to smile. Carnegie says that happiness doesn't depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions. It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it. He mentions telephone customer service training where members of staff are instructed to smile as they talk on the phone because your smile comes out through your voice when you talk. What if you don't feel like smiling? Carnegie mentions a quote from psychologist William James. Thus the sovereign voluntary path to cheerfulness. If our cheerfulness be lost, to set up cheerfully and to act and speak as if cheerfulness were already. They're fake it till you make it. We know that fake it till you make it actually works because it starts a positive feedback loop. You fake the cheerfulness and smile. Suddenly everyone is smiling back at you and the pleasantness of the situation actually causes your smile to become real. Force yourself to smile. And then think about how stupid it is to actually fake smile. And then you'll be finding yourself smiling naturally. Remember to force this mile anytime you see your phone ring, if you force a smile and answer the phone, the other person will just think that you are very, very happy to speak to them. Your energy will become so much more pleasant and then the other person will likely feel the same way. Implementing this principle and smiling more will undoubtedly make other people smile back at you. It will make you feel a lot more connected in your community. And in fact, I personally think this principle has changed my life the most. The images you're seeing on screen right now are a few paragraphs from my own personal journal of the importance of smiling, fake it till you make it and start that positive feedback loop. 8. Remember their name: The third principle of making people like you is to remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest sound in any language. Carnegie says that the average person is more interested in his or her own name than in all the other names on earth put together. Remember that name and call it easily. And you have paid as subtle and very effective compliments. He mentions Andrew Carnegie, who learned the astounding importance people place on their own names. Just the age of ten, he had a whole nest of little rabbits are nothing to feed them. So he convinced his neighborhood friends to go out and pick some dandelions, some fluid for the rabbits. And in return, he would name the little rabbits after those kids, using people's names in the middle of a conversation does feel a little bit awkward when you first start, but you'll find that people do seem way more receptive to you when you do use their name. Anytime I get someone's phone number, I always start the first message of voice notes with their name, Caitlin, it's hums a earlier implementing this principle will make the people you speak to feel more connected, more important to you. Remembering their name is almost like creating a bond between two people. And now you're probably thinking, okay, well, how do I actually begin to remember people's names effectively? And I don't think there's any secret tactic. It just takes a little more intention. Carnegie says that most people don't remember names for the simple reason that they don't take the time and energy necessary to concentrate and repeat and fixed names in their minds. So it's likely that you'll improve the ability to remember someone's name if you just care about it more and you put more intention into remembering their name, remain mindful of the significance that we place on our names and carry this thought around with you. 9. Be a good listener: So the fourth principle of making people like you is to be a good listener and to encourage others to talk about themselves. Carnegie says, if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener, to be interesting. Be interested. Ask questions that the other person will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments. He mentioned Edward Bach, a Dutch immigrant boy living in poverty. He had nothing to his name, but he began corresponding with really famous people. How did you do that? By encouraging them to talk about themselves? He wrote letters to people like Mrs. Abraham Lincoln, asking them about details of their childhood by just being a good listener, a poor boy with seemingly no future became a welcome guest in Distinguished people's homes. Here's the deal. We love talking about ourselves much more than we like to listen. But if you become the person who enjoys listening and gets people talking about themselves, they'll love talking to you. You can implement this principle and you will immediately notice how your conversation is change. People open up about private parts of their life and then they'll probably tell you that they have never really spoken about these things before. If you implement this principle, you're actually do it a fantastic service. Sometimes we need to talk to someone who's a great listener, somewhat who doesn't just want to talk back. And you can become that person for your friends or family, making them grateful for you. There is a downside to this. The people that you speak to may not be great listeners to what you have to say. It might feel on balanced like they're doing all the talking and you're doing all the listening. When is it your turn to do the talking? I've certainly noticed this myself. I think that's because the average person has more of a need to talk and get things out of their mind that they need to listen. Really, the more people who read this book, the more great listeners that we will encounter. That's why I think this book should be recommended to everyone. That is why I made this skill share class. The world would generally be a better place if more people tried to implement these principles. So consider sharing this book with someone, maybe send them a free PDF or even order the book for them on Amazon or send them a link to this skill share class. If they internalize it, then that's your benefit. You've now got someone who has become a great listener to what you have to say. 10. Talk in terms of their interests: The fifth principle of making people like you is to talk in terms of the other person's interests. Carnegie mentions how guests of Theodore Roosevelt were always astonished at his wide range of knowledge, particularly in the things that they were interested in, Roosevelt's admitted his secrets. He would stay up late and read up on the subjects that he knew his guests we're interested in, in Carnegie's words, for Roosevelt knew as all leaders know, that the royal road to a person's heart is to talk about the things that he or she treasures most. I have some advice on implementing this principle, and this is my exact method on how I perform outstandingly in job interviews before the interview or even the initial phone call. Always do extra research on the company and the recruiter. You can always find what they're interested in online. And when you mentioned it in the interview, they're impressed. They appreciate the fact that you took the time to research them and get a bit more knowledge on what they are interested in implementing. This principle is a sure fire way of never running out of things to talk about. If you focus on their interests and use the previous principle of being a good listener and encouraging them to talk about themselves. You won't have to talk much at all, and you'll learn a lot of new knowledge and information about hobbies and activities that you may not have known. You never know where these kinds of conversations could lead to. For example, speaking in terms of the other person's interests, has gotten me invited to parties, barbecues at interesting workup sessions. You'll find that it's quite common for people to briefly mentioned something that they're really interested in in the middle of a conversation. And when you pick up on that and you ask them a question about that interest, their eyes light up like they've wanted to talk about this stuff for awhile, but no one has asked them. No one has spoke in terms of their interests. They don't get to speak about what they are most interested in very often. So pay them that favor, and sometimes they even invite you to join them with that interest. 11. Make them feel important : The sixth and final principle of making people like you is to make the other person feel important and to do so sincerely. Carnegie says, probably the most important rule of all is to do onto others as you would have others do unto you. You want recognition of your true worth. You crave sincere appreciation. So give that to others. Carnegie mentions a restaurant owner in France who used this principle of making the other person feel important, a key employee had sent in her resignation, but the restaurant owner was able to make her withdrawer it simply by making her feel important. He told her that she meant a great deal to the success of the restaurant. And he said this in front of the entire staff. You'll find that if you just switch off your thinking, everyone is in some way a cog, a vital piece to the bigger picture, been man, janitors, receptionist, all play an important role but rarely appreciated. But now that your keeping this principle in mind, you can be the person that makes them feel empowered. Just think about what they're contributing to and thank them for implementing this principle is a straightforward way of making people appreciated for their efforts. If you yourself want appreciation and a feeling of importance in this world, do unto others as you would have others do unto you. 12. How to win an argument: The first principle of the new chapter, when people see your way of thinking is to know that the only way to win arguments is to avoid it completely. Carnegie says, you can't win an argument. You can't, because if you lose it, you lose it. If you win it, you lose it. Why? Well, suppose you triumph over the other MN and whose argument full of holes and prove that he is non-conscious, momentous, then why? You will feel fine, but what about him? You have made him feel inferior. You have hurt his pride. He will resent your triumph. And a man convinced against his will is off the same opinion still, he mentions a member of his course who gave a great speech regarding his transformation in avoiding arguments, the more I argued against them, the more my prospect argued in favor of it, and the more he argued, the more he sold himself on my competitors product. As I look back now, I wonder how I was ever able to sell anything. I lost years of my life in scrapping and arguing. I keep my mouth shut now. It pays. Arguing is addictive. It makes us feel important when we fight for our beliefs and we regurgitate the facts that we've learned, but everyone feels like this. So you really have to think what the point of an argument is. The point of your argument is to win that person to your way of thinking. Ben, arguing is not the right way because member of the example that I just gave said it perfectly. When you argue with someone and they argue their point in retaliation, there just further solidifying their current belief. Carnegie has watched the effects of thousands of arguments, and he said nine times out of ten, an argument ends with each of the contestants more firmly convinced than ever that he is absolutely right. So bear this in mind as you go about your day. They're certainly better ways to win people to your way of thinking, which we will discuss in the next few principles. Avoid arguments as they are a lose-lose situation. 13. Never say 'You're Wrong': The second principle of willing people to your way of thinking is to show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say you're wrong. Carnegie says, if you can be sure of being rights, only 55% of the time, you can go down to Wall Street and make a million dollars a day. If you can't be sure of being right even 55% of the time, why should you tell other people they are wrong? He mentioned the art of subtly proving yourself rights in a way that no one will feel like you're doing it over 300 years ago, Galileo said, you cannot teach a man anything. You can only help him find it within himself. Carnegie even gives you the exact sentence you can use if someone makes a statement that you know is wrong, I thought otherwise, but I may be wrong. I frequently. And if I'm wrong, I want to be portrayed. Let's examine the facts. This principle works. I make YouTube videos and sometimes someone will come in with something that I know is wrong a few times that I've indulged in calling them out and telling them that they are wrong, and argument has started. We now know that you can't win an argument. Do you think after arguing with these commenters based suddenly subscribed to my channel and smash that like button. No offense people, when you outwardly say that they're wrong, instead of Sicily telling them the truth. All of the people I argued with on YouTube and said directly that they were wrong, probably smashed the dislike button. Implementing this principle of never saying your wrong to someone will stop so many arguments from ever taking place. And obviously we just learned that you can never win an argument. So these two principles that we've just learned will stop us going down that rabbit hole of negative conversations with people. We will avoid arguments and hostile disagreements if we implemented these principles. 14. Admit your wrongdoings: The third principle of winning people to your way of thinking is to admit when you're wrong quickly and empathetically. Carnegie says, Sarah by yourself, all of the things you know the other person is thinking or wants to say or intense to say and say them before that person has a chance to save them. The chances are a 100 to one that generous for giving attitude will be taken and your mistakes will be minimized. Carnegie used this principle himself after being caught with his dog loose with our muscle or a leash by a police man for the second time. He didn't wait until the policeman slide talking and instead he beat him to it inside it admitting his wrongs empathetically and apologized kinda he admitted that he had no excuses as he had been previously warned, not to have his dog running loose. The policeman responded in a softer manner and allowed Carnegie to go without any further punishment. That policeman, being human, wanted a feeling of importance. So when I began to condemn myself, the only way you can nourish his self-esteem was to take the magnanimous attitude of showing mercy, might pronounce a nation of some of these older English words and not too great. I'm admitting my rungs quickly and empathetically. It feels quite awkward to start admitting your wrongs, but once you get into the flow of it, it becomes quite addictive. That's because implementing this principle will make you grow as a person. People find this traits of self-reflection so attractive and they respect it because it reeks of confidence. Many, many people can't admit when they're wrong because they've got big egos. And so when you take that uncomfortable step, people appreciate it and then they help you feel better. Like what you did wasn't really that bad, although people will minimize your wrongdoings if you admit them first. 15. Begin in a friendly way: The fourth principle of winning people to your way of thinking is to begin in a friendly way. Carnegie says the friendly approach and appreciation can make people change their minds more readily than all the bluster and storming in the world. He mentioned a cost member of his who successfully got his apartments rent reduced by beginning in a friendly way, instead of complaining about the price of rents like the other tenants who had requested a red reduction. This one tried something different. He greeted the landlord in a friendly manner and started talking about all of the things that he really liked about the apartment. He complimented the landlord on the way he run the buildings and then said that he would love to stay. He just couldn't afford the rents here without the Course member even directly asking for it. The landlord offered to reduce his rents. That's a fantastic story and it's so replicable too many of us today. Next time you have a reason to complain. Consider beginning with a compliments. This requires more restraint, but as we're learning, that's usually a good thing. And example is if you receive a meal in a restaurant that is in satisfactory, you could get loud and you could get hostile, but even if they replace your meal, you've just ruined your own mood. You've lowered the positivity of the people around you. There's always a chance that the waiter or the cork will spit in your free meal. On the other hand, you can start by giving the waiter accomplishments on their service and then just say that the meal wasn't satisfactory. I had a friend who was a waiter for years and he said that this was the exact way to go about it and they will undoubtably replace your meal free of charge, the waiter is much more likely to go back to the kitchen and make it clear to the Coke that you were very nice and that you deserve the best meal that they can possibly make for you all this. And you get to feel like you're in a friendly mood. Implementing this principle will make the conversation with the other person feel like your teammates trying to solve the problem, rather than putting the other person on the offensive and making it a U-verse damn situation. 16. Get them saying yes immediately: The fifth principle of willing people to your way of thinking is to get the other person saying yes immediately, Carnegie says, the more yeses we can't at the very outset induced, the more likely we are to succeed in capturing the attention for our ultimate proposal. He mentioned Socrates, the Greek philosopher whose technique was based on getting a yes, yes response. Socrates would ask questions that he knew his opponents would have to agree to winning one admission after the other, leading to this opponents finding themselves at a conclusion that supported him, getting the other person to say yes, yes immediately is a technique used in copyrighting, which is writing sales texts that you may see in online shopping. It's also how I convince some guys to start going to the gym. First, I would wrongly make it all about me and tell them why I went to the gym and asked them why they didn't go to the gym themselves. This never worked to convince them. Instead using this principle of getting them to say yes, yes has been much more effective. I'd ask them, do you want to be more confident? They would, of course said yes, I think everyone wants to be more confident than I'd say something like imagine right now you had more muscle, more strength, and you had accomplished some fitness goals that you would say yourself, do you think would be more confident after that? Yes. We want them to agree with us because it just means that we're on the same side. And when you're on the same side, it's much easier to influence a behavior change into someone Human Behavior. Professor Harry oversee said a no response. A most difficult handicap to overcome. When you have said no, all your pride of personality demands that you remain consistent with yourself. You may later feel that the No was ill-advised. Nevertheless, this is your precious price. Consider, once having said a thing, you feel you must stick to. Implementing this principle will make you better at sales, either selling a product, an idea, or a belief. If you sell things online, you do e-commerce, Facebook ads, email marketing, all of those things benefit from getting the other person to say yes, yes, immediately. 17. Let them do the talking: The sixth principle in winning people to your way of thinking is to let the other person do a great deal of the talking. Carnegie says, Most people trying to win or this to their way of thinking, do too much talking themselves, let the other people talk themselves out. He mentions a mother's deteriorating relationship with her teenage daughter, who kept on misbehaving. The mother lectured, threatened, and punished, but it never helped. So one day she asked her daughter why why was she behaving like best and end the mother's words had nevertheless into a I was always telling her to do this or that when she wanted to tell me her thoughts, feelings, ideas, I interrupted with more orders. I began to realize that she needed me now as a bossy mother, but as a confidence from that time on, I let her do all the talking she wanted. Our relationship has improved immeasurably. The fourth law of The 48 Laws of Power supports this idea to let the other person do a great deal of the talking. Always say less than necessary. The more you say, the more common you appear. Powerful people impress and intimidate by seeing less. It's easier and it's more comfortable to keep talking, to fill in the gaps of silence, but not a good thing. Confident people who were sure of themselves and their beliefs are not afraid of the silence in a conversation. Keep this in mind if you find yourself over talking, along with letting the other person do a great deal of talking comes the necessity of restraints in interrupting them. If you disagree with them, you may be tempted to interrupt. But dot's, it is dangerous. They won't pay attention to you while they still have a lot of ideas of their own crane for expression, implementing this principle will make you seem so much more confident, especially if you're someone who usually over Talks, confident people say less. And so when you emulate this, it seems like your beliefs are stronger than the person who just keeps talking, trying to convince you of something else. 18. Let them feel that the idea is theirs: The seventh principle of willing people to your way of thinking is to let the other person feel like The idea is his or hers. Carnegie says, isn't a bad judgment or try to run your opinions down the throats of other people. Isn't it wiser to make suggestions and let the other person think out the conclusion. He mentioned Edward M house, who was a confidential advisor for President Woodrow Wilson. After I got to know the precedence, I learned, the best way to convert him to an idea was to plants it in his mind casually or SOAS to interest him in it so as to get him thinking about it on his own account, I was amazed to hear him trot out my suggestion as his own. People don't like to be told what to do. There's an infuriating moment. Sure. We've all experienced how do you feel when you're about to do the dishes or any other chore. And then someone tells you to do that thing that you were just about to do. It takes your free will out of the picture when someone has ordered you to do or believe something. And we rarely dislike that to change someone's way of thinking, you have to do so subtly without making it obvious what your intentions are. They can only truly believe this new way of thinking if they reached that point themselves. As Galileo in a previous principal said, you cannot teach a man anything. You can only help him find it within himself. 19. See things from their point of view: The eighth principle of winning people to your way of thinking is to try honestly to see things from their point of view in Carnegie's own words, at increased tendency to think always in terms of the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as your own. If you only get one thing from this book, it may easily proved to be one of the stepping stones of your career. He mentions Kenneth M. Ud stating the benefits of implementing this principle of seeing things from the other person's point of view, you will have grasped the only solid foundation for interpersonal relationships. Namely that success in dealing with people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other person's viewpoint. This is where the phrase, step into their shoes comes from. You got a fantastic understanding of the motivations or person has. If you just take the time to think about how they feel and how they think, it's a shame that we often don't take the time to do this because it's that small amount of effort that could change how our conversations go. If you could perfectly see things from someone else's point of view, you could get them to do anything. You'd be able to say the right words and convey the right atmosphere to convince them of your way of thinking. So just take the time to really think about who this person is and what their viewpoint as, what are they for and what are they against. 20. Be sympathetic: The ninth principle of willing people to your way of thinking is to be sympathetic to the other person's ideas and desires. Carnegie says that three-fourths of people are hungering for attention and sympathy. If you give it to them, they will love you. He mentions a very interesting points. Cassandra Al Capone, with the exact same body, mind and temperaments, with the exact same environments and childhood. You would then act exactly how he did if we use the previous principle of seeing things from their point of view and putting ourselves in their shoes, it becomes easier to be sympathetic with someone. And Carnegie even gives us the magic phrase that will eliminate all ill feeling and help us act sympathetic to someone. I don't blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you, I would undoubtably field just as you do understand that everyone has a reason for what they do, freewill is not as easy to understand the concept as you may think it is. We think we've got free will. You think that you get to decide your actions? Do you think that you get to decide your thoughts? But is that true? I actually get to decide what you think next. If you're watching this, you've probably got some kind of privilege and decent upbringing to not have the impulse to go and hurt someone. But what if you did? What if that was your thought? Is your thoughts not then determined because you cannot think what your next thought is going to be open Teller happens. You can't exactly control your cravings, but your cravings and your thoughts are definitely influenced by the tape of life and experiences that you've had. So few 100 the same life and the same experiences as someone else, it's very likely that you probably would arc in the exact same way as they did. So in that sense, show sympathy to yourself and to other humans. And so if you want a win people to your way of thinking, consider implementing this principle and the previous one to form a greater understanding of how an watts, a person feels, show sympathy to that. And they will listen to you attentively. 21. Appeal to nobler motives: The tenth principle of willing people to your way of thinking is to appeal to their nobler motives. Carnegie says, the person will think of the real reason. You don't need to emphasize that all of us being ideal ESA hearts like to think of motives that sound good. So in order to change people appeal to the nobler motives, he mentions how Lord North Cliff was able to convince editors of a newspaper company to stop publishing a picture of him that he didn't like. He appealed to the respect and love that all of us have for motherhood. He wrote, please do not published a picture of me anymore. My mother doesn't like it. Everyone has a potential Nobel motif that you could speak about when trying to influence someone's behavior or thought change. For example, I've been able to convince young men to take the time and effort to improve their mental health through practices like mindfulness and gratitude and exercise. However, some guys didn't really feel motivated to help themselves. So my go-to response to that was a form of appealing to their nobler motives. Without me even realizing that I was doing this, I would say, after you learn these practices and you actually take the time to get used to them. You can teach them to other friends and family. They, you know, may have some mental health problems to most people's nobler motives are selfless. It's something that helps other people that they love, their friends, family, or people in their community implement this principle. Appeal class, selfless desire, and they will probably embrace the responsibility of change. 22. Dramatize your ideas: The 11th principle of winning people to your way of thinking is to dramatize your ideas. Carnegie says, This is the day of dramatization. Merely stating a truth isn't enough. The truth has to be made vivid, interesting, and dramatic. You have to use showmanship. The movies do it, television does it, and you will have to do it if you want attention. He mentions how suitors setup a romantic atmosphere and may even get down on one need to propose. You could say the words of love by adding the dramatize Asian adds extra effect. It creates a moment that they will better remember the possibilities of this principle are endless. So I would highly recommend for you to just take a few minutes after this particular principle to think and creatively come up with a few ways that you could dramatize the idea that you're trying to convey to others, ilk, sorry, a more memorable experience and therefore it will probably be more influential. For example, a couple of weeks ago, I met up an old friend and we were just walking around our city. He said that you want it to be in a relationship and that he had slightly been struggling because he would message kills on Instagram or Tinder and he didn't have much success with it. I told him the best way in my opinion is to actually approach girls in person instead of just being another guy in her DMZ on in Syria. Whilst I was telling him this, I stopped mid sensors and walked up to a girl, just approach the and ask for a number. She said no, but it seems to influence him a lot more than if I just told them to do so. He witnessed in his own eyes, just walking up and speaking to someone isn't as scary as it seems a dramatize my idea and I want him to, my way of thinking. Implementing this principle does take a little more confidence by elites. The greater rewards increases the potential to change their minds when they see and remember something dramatic. 23. Throw down a challenge: The 12th and final principle of willing people to your way of thinking is to throw down a challenge. Carnegie says, this is what every successful person loves the game. The chance for self-expression, the chance to prove his or her worth to excel to when he mentioned Charles Schwab, who created an atmosphere of challenging competition by drawing a big figure six on the floor with chalk to indicate a Mills the shift production, the late shift came in, worked hard and change the six to seven. Then the day shift came in, thought they got one upped by the night shift and then worked really, really hard, change the seven to attend this mill in particular started sending out more work than any of the mill. And the entire plan, Charles Schwab himself said, the way to get things done is to stimulate competition. I do not mean in a sordid money getting way, but in the desire to excel, challenge, and competition truly works. And a great practical thing about this is that you can compete with yourself or you could get your clients or customers or staff to compete with themselves. For example, as a weightlifter, eye tracking my lefts. Tracking you left just means taking the time to either use an app or a notebook where you just write down how much weight you lifted in a particular exercise, how many rep, Somebody said, it seems quite simple, but this is an act of creating a competition, a challenge through yourself, through your former self. So every week I see the number and I'm essentially competing with last week me. I tried to beat my previous Highscore and it's actually way more exciting this way, you can convince your clients or staff to compete with their former selves. That's the mentality I've been using with my coaching clients. I constantly ask them to remember what normal behavior was for their previous younger selves just a few months ago. So they remember that a few months ago. They weren't even exercising at all. And then we compare that to now where they're exercising three times a week. I remind them of the version of them from last week, Sigma, he had three sessions and I say, can you beat your previous version? Can you be you from last week and had four sessions this week. This is one of the most influential mentalities I've been drilling in. Challenge seems to ignite a fire inside of us. The axle gets us just moving onto taking action. I think this might be due to evolution. When you create a challenge, a competition, it's like your fight or flight mode kicks in and wants to fight for the resources that are available with the rewards of hard work. Because now someone else could win the reward of hard work. And we don't want that. We want as much resources and rewards as possible. This principle is actually the basis of setting goals. You set a goal that's somewhat of a challenge and you just keep reminding yourself the goal is for workout sessions this week, the goal is to write 1000 words in my book. We set these goals. We constantly remind ourselves because that is our challenge. 24. Begin with praise: The 22nd principle that we're covering at which is now the first principle of the new chapter of being a leader is to begin with praise and honest appreciation. Colony says that beginning with praise is like the dentist. He begins his work with Novocain, the patients they'll get to drilling, but the Novocain is a pain killing. He mentions a branch manager who was a member of his course, who had successfully encouraged a new trainee to increase their performance in an area of the job that they struggled with. The trainee struggled with balancing their cash drawer. Starting the conversation with praise and honest appreciation created a positive, friendly atmosphere. And Ben, the manager, suggested the improvements that the trainee could make. In the manager's words, once she realized I had confidence in her, She easily follows my suggestions and soon mustard dysfunction. We have had no problems with her since then. We want the best in the people that we want to lead. So it's normal to focus on the things that they can improve on. Always bear in mind that the other people would probably improve better if we started on a positive note first. But do not implement this principle of starting with praise and unless appreciation until you also implement the next principle too. 25. Call attention to mistakes indirectly: The second principle of being a leader is to call attention to people's mistakes in directly, Carnegie says that many people begin their criticism with a sincere praise followed by the word, but an ending with a critical statement. We're really proud of you. But if you had worked a little harder, your grades would have been even better when someone hears the word, but after a praise, they might then question the sincerity of the original praise. He mentioned Charles Schwab who instead of calling a mistake of his employees directly, used a softer approach. His employees were smoking just under a no smoking sign. He could have went up. He could have been rude and angry and told them, can you not see beside his employees would have listened to that. They would have followed his orders, but they may have slightly resented him. And this certainly a better way to get adherence from people instead of calling attention to their mistakes directly as we're using his examples a lot, you can begin to realize that this Charles Schwab guy is one-of-a-kind. He walked over and handed each of the employees a cigar and he said, I'd appreciate it boys, if you could smoke these outside. Subtle poets affective. They knew what he meant. They knew they had broken a rule, but rule didn't even come up. But how could you not respect someone who calls attention to your mistakes like that? I think we could all learn a lot from his examples in this book, again, I want to make it clear that the easier route would have been to call attention to their mistakes directly. So far, what we've learned a lot through these 23 principles is that the direct easy approach is often not the great ones that take, just taking the time to think about a softer approach seems to lead to greater adherence with everything that we want. Carnegie says that you can easily overcome calling attention to people's mistakes directly by replacing the word. But two, and we're really proud of you. And if you continue putting in great effort, will see your grades improve as well. I've been using this principle a lot lately and I think it's a fantastic fundamental principle to keep in mind. If you're someone who wants to see changes in people. As I've mentioned, I've been helping young men improve their physical and mental health. And one of the times I've used this principle is when a client of mine did three workout sessions when his goal was for previously, I would've said, Well, don't on hitting three workouts, but your goals for so we're gonna make sure we smash it next week. It's not bad. It's still praising him, but it's not as effective as it could be. Now I say something like, well, don't on hitting three workouts this week and next week we're going to use the same tactics were gonna get increased effort from you. And we're going to have four workouts. Do you think you can do that? It's a subtle difference, but seems to have quite a big effect. Here's something that I realized. I think if you're some kind of leader or influence or someone who just wants to see change in someone you may be able to take away. I've been thinking about keeping the idea of a praise as pure by not contaminating, appraise by straightaway than telling them something that they did wrong, praise them for what they did right, and let that just be a moment in itself. And then later on, after a few minutes, then have the section about what they can improve on implementing this principle will have the people you're trying to lead, crave your praises more. Everyone loves getting praised, but we often ruin it by calling attention to their mistakes directly after the praise. Don't do that and your compliments will certainly leave a positive mark on someone. 26. Talk about your own mistakes first: The third principle of being a leader is to talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person, Carnegie says, admitting one's own mistakes, even when one has N corrected them can help convince somebody to change his behavior. He mentions a father who found out his teenage son and started smoking. He could've made threats or warned his son, but he took a different approach. He told his son about the mistake he made, starting smoking himself. The father had been smoking for many years and he felt like his addiction was impossible to stop. He had an irritating coughed. He told all this to his son, admitting his own mistake instead of criticizing his son's behavior, his son stop smoking himself. This is very similar to the previous principle of calling attention to people's mistakes in directly. But this time we're just highlighting what they're doing wrong by telling them an example about ourselves. If you're trying to change someone, start by telling them what you did wrong in that situation and how that experience was for you. Tell them how you regret it, your actions, and you just wish you had someone telling you something like this. There's a whole lot of mistakes I made when I first got into fitness and exercising. I found that when I bring up my mistake and tell them, oh, I lost months of progress because I did this thing. Way more likely to listen to my idea and take my advice than if I just tell them, wait, don't do that. Because though the person is more likely to listen to your plead, because it may in your own failure is very admirable. We always strive to learn from other people's mistakes to avoid what negative experiences they had. 27. Ask questions instead of giving orders: The fourth principle of being a leader is to ask questions instead of giving direct orders. Carnegie says, asking questions not only makes an order more palatable, it often stimulates the creativity of the person whom you ask. He mentioned Ian McDonald, a manager of a manufacturing plant. He received a very large order which would be impossible to complete. Now, he could have gave orders, he could've increased the time of his employees work, but he didn't. Instead, he just asked his staff questions. Is there anything we can do to handle this order? Is there any way we can adjust our hours or personal assignments to complete this order, the employees themselves came up with the ideas and insisted that the manager take the order, asking questions instead of giving direct orders, put the employees in a weekend, do it attitude. They accepted the order and got it delivered on time. If you give someone a direct order, it's actually quite risky. Either one, they'll accept the order, they'll do the task, but then they'll have some kind of resentment for you because you've almost forced them to do something or to, they will refuse annual leadership has now been challenged. A lot of this book has told us that people don't like to be told what to do and the direct approach is often not the best. And so we know that taking a softer touch, It's usually better. Carnegie even says people are more likely to accept an order if they've had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued. For example, let's say you're a mother with a child who's misbehaving and he doesn't want to put shoes on to go outside. The mother could get really angry, put shoes on right now. We have to go we're getting late. Does that really work with kids? Or the mother could ask the question instead of focusing on the direct orders, you could ask the question. Which pair of your train is, do you want a web? Which pair of shoes do you want to wear today? The child is going to answer which pair of Torreon is he wants to wear? And now he feels like he had a choice in the decision. He had a creative touch almost, and that probably means he's more likely to follow. I originally wasn't direct order involve the people you're trying to lead in the decision. At the very least, just ask them something like, do you think we can do it? Implementing this principle will change it from a U-verse damn situation to a u plus them versus the situation. 28. Let them save face: The fifth principle of being a leader is to let the other person's save face. Carnegie says, even if we are right and the other person is definitely wrong, we only destroy ego by causing someone to lose face. He mentions two completely different leaders. One was a vice president who just lost his temper and started arguing and shouting and berating his supervisor. That supervisor resigned and started working a competitor's company and apparently did a fine job. The other leader was a marketing specialist past when one of his employees had made quite significant errors. This boss thanked her for her efforts. He said he had confidence that the employer could repeat the survey that they were doing and they had faith in that employee. Employee left. I'm meeting with their head open the air, determined to not let that boss down again, hurting a man in his dignity as a crime. And it's a crime that just does not pay off. If we want to be effective leaders, be careful if you find yourself in a position of power, you may actually feel slightly excited to not let the other person save face to highlight their faults publicly or to humiliate them for their mistakes. But none of this will improve your leadership skills and it won't make people more likely to respect you and follow your command if its adherence that you're trying to get from your staff or the people that you're trying to change, take the software approach and let someone save face. 29. Praise every improvement: The six principles of being a great leader is to praise the slightest improvement enterprise. Every improvements BE hearty in your approbation and lavish in their praise. Carnegie says, I can look back on my own life and see were a few words of praise have sharply changed my entire future. He mentioned very well-known psychologist BF Skinner. Skinner showed that minimizing criticism and increasing praise resulted in more positive behavior. We know the operant conditioning works on humans. Praising someone acts as a form of positive reinforcement that strengthens behavior, which means that they're just more likely to repeat that same behavior. So if an employee or clients of yours pulling some great effort, praise that efforts and there'll be more likely to continue putting in the same effort because we crave appreciation. I think this is one of the most powerful principles. You can effectively make someone act our certain behavior with this sole principal user wisely and remember to never give out any hostile criticism or punishments. We strengthen behaviors that appraised and appreciated, and we just weaken behaviors which are ignored. I've been using this principle a lot recently when my clients performed the vital behaviors that get them to their goals. And extra tip I can give you is to make your praise as specific, especially as possible. For example, when I want to praise my clients for completing the week's Jim goal or four sessions a week, I could just send them a few words on the tax and say, Well done, primate a little bit more special by always sending a voice notes when they've done great behavior. That way they get to hear my voice, it feels more personal and the praise is more special. I highly recommend doing a little bit more research on operant conditioning because if you want to see it, behavior change in somewhat, you should learn about positive reinforcement. It's a very powerful tool, probably the only tool of influencing a behavior change in someone in a nice way. 30. Give them a fine reputation to live up to: The seventh principle of being a leader is to give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. Carnegie says, if you want to improve a person in a certain respect, act as though that particular tree where already one of his or her outstanding characteristics. He mentioned how a primary school teacher was able to change the behavior of one of the most mischievous students in the school. She complimented him on his traits as a natural leader and said that she was going to depend on him on making back class, the best fourth-grade class in the entire school. She gave the students a fine reputation to live up to. And of course he lived up to. This principle is like highlighting the best version of somebody, making it clear of their potential, what they could do, and setting that as a challenge. So we're bringing in the 21st principle of throwing down a challenge as well. There's two ways that you can use this principle to improve your leadership skills. One by making them aware of their potential reputation, describing it realistically as something that they could strive for. Or two, setting yourself as a fantastic example, that then is their reputation to live up to. For example, I'm teaching you men how to start exercising. I know that I can teach these things because I've got years of experience. But my influence as a leader has increased tenfold over the last few months because I've gotta myself into the best shape of my life is sets a fantastic reputation for other people to strive for. This gives you more credibility as a leader to influence change if it's a skill or a practice that you've already mastered. 31. Use encouragement: The eighth principle of being a leader is to use encouragement and make the fault seem easy to correct. Carnegie says, and this is probably my favorite paragraph in the entire book. Tell your child, your spouse, or your employee that he or she is stupid or dumb at a certain thing, has no gift for it and is doing it all wrong. And you have destroyed almost every incentive to try to improve. But used the opposite technique, liberal with your encouragement, make the thing seem easy to do. Let the other person know that you have faith in his ability to do it and that he has an undeveloped flair for it. And then he will practice until the dawn comes in the window in order to excel. He mentions a course instructor of his who used encouragement and making false seem easy to correct, which changed the trajectory of his son's life. His son had a rough life. He was in a car accident when he was young and had a massive scar over his forehead. He was behind by two years in school. He was in the special classes for the slow learners at his struggled particularly with mats. So his father started teaching in maths and made a big deal every single time his son got an answer, right? Celebrate when his son had shown improvements, they showed him that learning was fun and it could be easier than it was at school. And soon enough that teenagers tide bringing home significantly improved grades and went on to even improve in other classes. His reading improved rapidly. He started using his natural talents and drawing, and he actually got ponds are the honor roll multiple years in a row. This principle is all about drilling in a growth mindset into the people we're trying to influence. We're making it so clear that they have the realistic potential to improve. And all it requires is effort, but not that much effort. We're not making the behavior seem like a big deal until they have done it. And then we act like it's a big deal and then we celebrate. Implementing this principle genuinely gives you the power as a leader to change someone's life. The growth mindset empower someone into positive beliefs that really make them feel that they can achieve anything with enough effort and a leader, any influencer, any personal trainer or manager should use this principle all the time. 32. Make them happy to do what you ask: The ninth and final principle of being a leader estimate the other person happy about doing the things that you suggest. Colony mentions a Corps member of his improved his employees performance by giving them a new responsibility and job title. There were now the supervisor of price tag posting and they were asked to keep all the shells properly tagged, giving the other person a sense of importance, like we learned in the ninth principle, makes them feel happier and more excited for what we want them to do. This principle is kinda like bribing someone imagined bribing the police. You make that police officer do what you want, which is potentially getting away with minor crime by giving him money, which makes him happy. If you want increased performance from the people you're trying to lead, make them happy to do so. Think to yourself what's in it for them right now, this is actually a very interesting points. Most of the behaviors that we want to influence until the people are forms of delayed classification, like working hard or going to the gym. These activities do pay off in the long run, but right now they are uncomfortable. The beginners don't really feel happy to be there in that moment. So to make them happy to do what we want them to do, we may have to offer some kind of instant gratification incentive. So if you're a personal trainer who's very close to your clients, you could offer to pick them up and drive them to the gym with you. This makes it way more convenient for them to do today's session. If you're a teacher, reward good behavior with some kind of tree, like letting the students leave the room one or two minutes early so that they can get ahead of the lunch break line, think and be creative of waste and make the other person happy right in this moment for them to carry out the vital behaviors that you want them to. 33. Wrapping up: I'm grateful that you've reached this far. I want to say again that this book has positively impacted my life. And if you've reached this far, I'm guessing, has done the same thing for you. Social skills are ever more important and having the ability to manage people, to become a leader, to influence a behavior change in someone, or to make friends and strengthen relationships in your family is priceless. Give that gift to someone else. If you shared this skill, share class to just one friend, you may now have someone to talk to who has internalized these principles. You would've converted your friend into a great empathetic listener, and that would be your benefit. Scroll down and click on the Share button right now, if your friend uses the link that you send them, they get 14 days of skill share premium for free and you get the $10 referral bonus? Yes, you get the referral bonus Even if you share someone else's class. So it's a win-win. I hope you found some great value in this class. I really had fun making this and going through these principles once more, consider going back and rewatching your favorite principles to remind yourself of what to focus on in your next social interactions. You can keep coming back to this class to strengthen your understanding of the social principles. Finally, please scroll down and leave this skill share Class, a review. Maybe more people will be able to find this. And that means that more and more people learn the social principles at one final thing, throughout these classes, I've mentioned my side project. My, my passion, my purpose is to help young men improve their physical and mental health. If that's something you're interested in it, most of the content I post is on YouTube. It's all completely free. If you want to improve your health, you want to get fit mentally and physically, then my YouTube link will be in the description. And if you're into self-improvement, I think you will like the content that I post. Taker.