12 Steps for a Spiritual Solution to Any Problem! | Jerry Banfield | Skillshare

12 Steps for a Spiritual Solution to Any Problem!

Jerry Banfield, Teaches 105 Skillshare Classes

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23 Lessons (3h 17m)
    • 1. Welcome! What can you do with this course?

    • 2. Surrender in my life.

    • 3. Surrender defined.

    • 4. Are you ready to surrender now?

    • 5. Faith in a higher power explained.

    • 6. Being restored to sanity, insanity, and the power of faith.

    • 7. Introduction to trusting in my higher power to direct my life.

    • 8. How does it work to trust the universe and a higher power to run your life?

    • 9. Using trust as a foundation for navigating the rest of the 12 steps.

    • 10. Getting started with step 4 reflecting on what you have done in your life

    • 11. How to do step 4 in writing down your shameful experiences.

    • 12. Getting started with step 5 using confession to purge your shame

    • 13. Diving deep into step 5 in the details for how to confess.

    • 14. Willingness to work on all character defects and problems.

    • 15. What does unwillingness look like? Resistance is painful.

    • 16. Being humble, developing humility, and asking a higher power to remove defects

    • 17. Building a list of people and organizations you have harmed.

    • 18. Make amends to the people and places you have harmed without creating more hurt.

    • 19. Step 9 in action making my own amends to my university today

    • 20. These steps are a way of living that you do every day especially admitting wrong

    • 21. Establishing conscious contact daily with your higher power and praying.

    • 22. Use the freedom you have from your problem to give others the same gift.

    • 23. An spiritual awakening experience I had recently that you might enjoy!


About This Class

Are struggling with any problem that is making your life difficult every day? Do you want to be free of that problem for the rest of your life? Use this course to get a daily reprieve from depression to anxiety, stress, bipolar disorder, addictions, alcoholism, drugs, pain, obsessive compulsive disorder, worry, fear, anger, overeating, insomnia, and any other suffering that is making your life unmanageable!

At 30 years old, I have already suffered from every single problem above at some point in my life. Every day, I use and live the 12 steps I share with you in this course to enjoy a spiritual solution to all of my character defects. You can do this too when you use this course and combine it with a local support group that meets your needs best.


1. Welcome! What can you do with this course?: the 12 steps I give you in this course have been responsible for a miracle in my life from taking me less than a year ago from a life of consistent pain and suffering, frustration feeling out of control all the time. Egomania. It's taken me less than a year to see a miracle through these 12 steps, and I give them to you in this course with the hope that you can use thes 12 steps to affect the same miracle in your life. If you're struggling with something compulsive thinking on addiction Ah, frustration, something you just can't handle. Economic, financial insecurity. Fear these 12 steps have liberation in them. If you want it, you can go through these steps with me. I explained to you what I've done through these steps and share what you might be able to do to get the same results I have now. And to be fair, this isn't something I did all by myself. I have a support group. I go to every single day for help with this. These 12 steps air based on sound spiritually principles and based on programs that consistently work for all kinds of people suffering to transition from liberation. This is on a miracle. It's a great opportunity for you if you'll take it. So I'm honored. You're here with me, and I hope you enjoy going through this with me. It's been a journey that I never would have believed, and I recommend finding a support group locally that you can go to as often as you need to to get more in depth hands on help with all of these 12 steps in to become a part of a community. Executing these 12 steps in the course will have discussions and you'll be able to connect with other students. But there's no substitute for having people around you physically. That air there near you, in your community every day. There's no substitute for that. But this course might point you in the right direction, or this course might give you enough where you can have the miracle happen in your life, even just doing it on your own. Thank you for being here with me. I'm honored. You want to share the spiritual journey with me, I will share with you further reading That's helped me a lot, and the list of programs that might be useful for you just shortly after this. Thank you for going through this time with me. And I hope everything in this course is helpful for you. 2. Surrender in my life.: step one is surrender. Surrender means acceptance. Accepting that your life as it is now is not manageable. That if you were happy with what you were doing, if everything was working great for you, then you wouldn't have all the problems you have now acceptance that you are not God or any definition of a higher power, that you can't do it all alone. This was hard for me. This was the hardest step for me because until I was willing to surrender, I couldn't accomplish anything. It was frustrating because most of my life I went around with the attitude that I've got it , that I can do this, that I am, everything I can rely on myself. I don't need you. I don't need anyone else. That was attitude. I went through most of my life with and you know what? That attitude led me to a lot of pain, a lot of suffering, a lot of misery, and it meant I couldn't do anything. The irony was I went around thinking I was the greatest all the time, and then any time I wasn't thinking that I thought I was the worst. The devil terrible not deserving of love. And what happened then? I got in all this compulsive thinking I couldn't control what I did. If I thought about it, then I thought I had to do a behaviour to support it. I personally had a big problem with drinking because the thought pattern of I can do this. I've got everything that thought pattern went very well with drinking. But absent of drinking. I had all kinds of other problems and with drink at even more problems. But what really got me was, Why was it when I didn't drink, I seemed tohave mawr problems. It was just absurd, and I wasn't willing to admit that I couldn't handle my life as it waas until I finally got so desperate. Then I lashed out with a desperate prayer, saying, Okay, okay, I'll do anything to do a little bit better. I'll do anything to do better, and that's when surrender happens when you're willing to say, OK, OK, I can't do this myself. I can't do it myself. I'll take any thing, any help you're willing to give me. And isn't it strange that I often went through my life is an agnostic and not sure of where any higher power might be. And I say higher power. You can use anything as a higher power, something that's greater than you, Whatever made this universe, whatever set up all the rules of physics, whatever is running all of the things in the universe, whatever energy is controlling, all of that is always there was there before it planned me out being here. And isn't it funny whenever I desperately reached out by some miracle, I got help? I've only prayed before. I started thes 12 steps a very few amount of times, and my prayers were answered. But they might not have been answered in the exact way I thought that should be answered. But they were always answered, and surrender starts with acceptance that you are not the creator of the universe. You are not God, and I hesitate. Use the word God because it's got so many contexts with religion. This is a spiritually course, and if your religion support your spirituality, that's good. And if it doesn't, that's good, too. So I use lots of different terms to relate to a higher power creator of the universe. But a higher power could be anything. It could be a group of people. It could be an inanimate object. It could be nothing at all. That's fine. But anything that is greater than you will work and surrender starts with a giving up, giving up the idea that you are it, that you are all alone in this universe. And when I gave up the idea that I could do things on my own and said, I will do anything to do better That's when I started. Accepting help and surrender is a miracle. And in the all spiritually teachings I've seen, surrender is the beginning of liberation from the mind, from compulsive thinking from suffering. And that's where we're beginning together here by talking about surrender. 3. Surrender defined.: now let's define surrender straight out of the dictionary and then explain it a little more . So in the dictionary. Surrender is to agree to stop fighting or resisting because you know you will not win or succeed. Surrender is often thought of as a bad thing, like when the Japanese or the Germans surrendered after World War Two. Have you noticed that since they surrendered, things have gotten a lot better for both of those countries? That's the exact idea I'm sharing with you. In this course, surrender is often looked at. It's such an awful, horrible thing. But when you surrender to life on life's terms and accept your and my place in this universe, when you surrender, it's a beautiful thing. So a little more about surrender surrender means to stop fighting. It means you don't even play the game at all. You don't try and win, so whatever you're trying to win at that's causing you frustration. Rather, it's an addiction, a relationship, Ah, job or anything else in your life. You keep fighting with surrender is the key to a liberation from that, and it doesn't mean you necessarily just totally give up on it. What it means is you accept your place where you are. For example, if you're a parent, surrendering doesn't mean you just cut your child off and never speak to them again. Necessarily, if you have an addiction, it more than likely might mean you don't engage with that addiction. But surrender takes all different forms, and surrender is stopping fighting. You don't fight with it for me. I had an addiction to alcohol, and I finally surrendered and said, I can't fight with this. So here's how Surrender works and surrenders a daily thing. And to be fair, I've had lots of other addictions in my life because I didn't have a good spiritually foundation. The 12 steps in this course give you a good spiritual foundation. So here's how surrender works and it's a daily thing, because what I did in my life looked a lot like this. I'd surrender one day and let's go before even drank in my family. I'd surrender one day, too. Stop fighting with my family and accept my place in my family and say, OK, I'm just a child. This isn't my house. This is your house. I will just try and be a good son today and then the next dad wake up and want to fight again. Nope. Dammit! Today things are going my way. You're going to do what I want you to do. And then I'd have to fight all over again. So I start my day off with surrender. And the more problems you have in your life, the better surrender is in helping you, for example, even just stupid things. This morning I had to surrender more than usual. I had some little resentments building up all kinds of just small, ridiculous things. And I sit on the couch and pray and meditate in the morning. Now, I never had done that before. I started these 12 steps and I had to give up and say, I'm not going to fight any of these things. I'm OK with life as it is. I'm not going toe win at fighting all these things. And I'm just going to give up and allow my life's purpose to show itself to me and give up trying to dictate to life what I think should go on. I didn't expect to be making this course this morning. It just suddenly seemed like the right thing to do. That's surrender. Give up trying to dictate to life what life will give you and accept what life does give you. Surrender is where the miracle happens. If you have an addiction. Surrender is the beginning of release from the addiction, because here's how an addiction and I say addiction but compulsive thinking, a relationship. There's all kinds of things that can plug right into this. So for me, alcohol was my worst addiction. But I had all kinds of other addictions. I was co dependent. And to say that alcohol is only problem was very far from the truth. But alcohol that's easier to understand and to communicate. So let me do that. So what I would do? I would wake up one day and have a hangover, and I'd surrender. It's okay. I'll stop. I won't drink again. I give up, and the next day I'd wake up and I'd have this little bit of a fight in me. I'd still be thinking about surrender, but I'd have a little bit of fighting me like, you know, maybe that was just a nice late an incident. The day after that, I'd wake up and say, I'm going again. I'm fighting. I conduce this, I will have it my way. I can handle it and that goes for anything. If you're having a relationship that's causing a lot of trouble in your life, it could be the same thing. One day you'll surrender and say, OK, I'll just do whatever And the next day you wake up and say No, this relationships can be how I want it to damn it. That's the same kind of thing going on. And most people's relationships from what I've seen are very addictive. They're very much like an addiction. So surrender is so good and so helpful. And it starts out just like this. A giving up, Ah, giving up in admitting you can't do everything giving up in surrendering and say, Okay, I can't win this And I know that's hard when you're used to winning. I've won a lot of things in my life, especially like video games, academics work. I've won a lot of things, and the more things you've won, the more you've got it in your head that you can win under any circumstances, the harder it is to surrender because you've got this idea in your head that you can win and suddenly winning becomes more important than happiness than anything else in life. So giving up the fight, just not fighting it all that's surrender. 4. Are you ready to surrender now?: The key question with surrender is Are you ready to surrender now? For most of my life, I was not ready to surrender anything mawr than for a brief moment. But all you need is now. If you can surrender now, that's all. Are you ready to surrender now? Have you had enough of what you're struggling with? Being an addiction relationship? A job? A family member? Ah, friend. Ah, Frustration of business. Are you ready to surrender now? Now is the only time you need to surrender. Because now is all time. There's nothing you experience outside of now there are places you go in the mind in the past in the future. But now is the only time you need to surrender. So if you are willing to surrender now, a miracle can start toe happen Now you don't have to go anywhere else. You don't have to do anything else. All you have to do his bow your head down a little bit and say yes. Yes, I'm ready to surrender now. I give up trying to tell life what to do. I admit my life is unsustainable as it is now. And if it even was sustainable. This is not the life now that I want to always live. If I died today, would I be happy with this life? Or is there something else? Is their destiny of purpose? And I'm missing out on you can discover all of that now by surrendering. That's the miracle. So the question before you go any further, are you ready to surrender? Now, If you are ready to surrender now, then you will be open to embracing and learning a new way of life. A spiritually founded, beautiful life. If you're not ready to surrender now though, your old ideas will fight every new thing that tries to happen. You will reject suggestions you get because I got this. Believe me, I know about I got this. I did a lot of I got this. I'm fine in my life when you're surrendered just like the Japanese and the Germans. After World War two, you're open to being reorganized. You are open to having restructuring within your borders. So surrender opens you up to restructuring. And that restructuring There is a formula that consistently works for most all human beings to live a spiritually founded blessed miracle. Wonderful life that's here right now, there is an exact formula. You can learn to do that, this course about showing you the formula that works. And it's not my formula. It's not anyone else's, either. It's there. It's been there since the beginning of human history, and one spiritually teacher, another calling Buder Jesus, er, Eckhart, totally one spiritually teacher or another, has went through and shared their words for trying to point to this spiritually way of living to this connection with one to this understanding of divine unity, of the unity between you and me that ultimately I'm here talking to myself, which is easy enough to imagine with a webcam and microphone in front of me, but also just is easy to imagine seeing you watching this through your computer, your tablet or your mobile device. It's just is easy to imagine we're all one. Surrender opens you up to all of this possibility, but you've got to honestly be willing to surrender at the core, the bottom of your soul. All resistance must give up in cease. Now, if you want what I have in what millions of other people around the world have, you can call it enlightenment. You can call it peace. You can call it stillness. You can call it a miracle. If you want that, you have to begin with surrender and you have to surrender now, Not tomorrow or next Tuesday. Or maybe I'll make a New Year's resolution. Now I want you surrender. Now you are open to receiving the suggestions. They're not things. Anything I'm telling you to do in this course they're all suggestions because you have to find your own way of doing it within yourself. I'm just pointing to what you already have. I'm pointing to what you're already sitting on right now. I'm just showing you where to look in yourself for it. If you're surrendered, you will see where I'm pointing. You will look inside yourself and find it if you're armored up. If your defensive if you think you've got it still my suggestions will bounce right off of you and they won't sink in. And the suggestions of others will bounce off of you and they won't sink in again. This course I'm delivering this as my purpose in life. Me, I don't know who I am. I'm just here talking to you. This body is only relevant in its usefulness to you. So I know this might sound like about me. At times. It's It's all about you. I'm giving you what I have and you have what I have. All you have to do is look for it and looking for it starts with surrender. I appreciate you going through this with me. And I appreciate you starting this journey with me. I'm honored you're here and hope this is helpful for you. 5. Faith in a higher power explained.: Step two is faith faith in a power greater than you? A higher power? That can be. Anyway, you define it. But the fact that you have faith in a higher power is what's important. So, for example, if you have a religious foundation that describes a higher power called God, that might work for you if your power gives God a certain name. Rather, it's Jesus or Allah, or if you have many gods and they have names that can work, even if you do have that using something outside of that might be more helpful if you use an object. Ah, group empty space. Anything can work for you as long as you have faith that that power is greater than your power. That that power has more control over life, that that power is bigger than you. So, for example, if you have faith in a higher power, you might connect that higher power to creation of the universe. Whoever created this universe has infinitely more power than any thing I can do, and ultimately, I feel we're all part off that higher power. But the idea is in step to toe, have faith in something bigger than yourself. And if you've surrendered, you are open to having faith in something more than yourself. I often considered myself an agnostic, going through my life with somewhat of a question as to rather there was a god or there wasn't a God. I didn't stop to look at the higher power aspect of it, I thought, mostly in religious terms. Well, I don't know if the God of the Bible described Israel or not. That all started to be confusing. But let's think about it like this. My wife. I love my wife. She is an incredible, beautiful part of my life who made my wife, who put us together, who made me, who said every little tiny detail up so that I could end up being here with you right now and being married to my wife. How could I love my wife any more than I could love the being the non being the entity, the intelligence, the creator? How could I love my wife any more or less than I could love that which created her? Now, if you get very scientific, you could say, Well, her parents did this. Okay, who said all of that up. Who put all of this into position before anyone was here who was there before there was the universe who sat there at the Big Bang and planned all this out? Who made the big bang happen? Science has no answer for that. They say. Okay. Our universe started out and blew up. Who made it blow up? Who made up all the rules That would happen when it would blow up Who set up everything? Now, if you look at it like you and I are water bubbles floating in a river, who made the river the mountains of streams. Who made all of this? Whoever made all of that must be pretty powerful. Whatever made all of that must have infinite power. That is a hell of a discovery, Because thinking about it like that made me realize Wow, whoever created this universe, whatever created this universe is everywhere all the time. They have infinite power. An idea like all they don't. God doesn't have time for me or God up in heaven. What would he want to do? Mingling down on earth? Whoever made this whatever intelligence runs, all of this is in everything. Um Nipah tint means everywhere all the time. It every second. It's not as if a higher power is some bureaucrat that sits in office somewhere and has employees. They are everywhere all the time, constantly. They've been here before. They'll be here after they've always been here. Always will be. Here are here now, and you and I are part of that higher power because it's everywhere. It's all the time. It's inside in outside losing. My dad helped me have faith and helped me discover these things because the more I wondered about what happened to Dad, the more I realized Dad was in me. Dad's spirit was Justus inside me as it had ever been, and it never left. Never had went anywhere in That same spirit was with God, as I call him. Ah, higher power had always been there was never separate, and that was no different than me foundational e. And that rocked me. Once I realized that, then it was easy to have faith, and that's where my faith was just starting to bud. So however you define a higher power, that faith in something bigger and more powerful than you is crucial because that faith restores you to sanity. That's the purpose of having faith is to get out of the fight. Whatever you surrendered to faith restores you from the need to fight again and restores you from all the other crazy things in your life because I know about having lots of crazy things in my life. The only way out of that is faith. Faith is the foundation built in the ability and the opportunity of surrender. Once you've surrendered, faith is the first thing that comes in and filled that void. Think of where the Japanese and the Germans surrendered in World War Two. They had do then have faith that everything would be okay. And if you look at it now, it's easy. Look back and say the countries have both been rebuilt. They're strong, They're not at war. The people are free. It's easy to kind of look back and say, Oh, that looked out at the time. It was scary, but faith. Those who had faith could go forward without fear and give in and let things happen, as they would for Japan and Germany. The U. S. A. And the other powers in the world were there higher power. You can use whatever you want as a higher power. And if you have faith in that higher power faith in whatever created and set up everything in this existence. If you have faith in that, then everything else that I'm sharing with you is possible. 6. Being restored to sanity, insanity, and the power of faith.: So what happens with faith? With faith, you are restored to sanity. The insanity that brought you into step one. So insanity I look at as an easy way to define inconsistency. So, for example, one day you're on top of the world. You're great. You're the best to the next day. You're so depressed you can't get out of bed. That's insanity, because both of those hide the truth that you're just unordinary person just like I am. And just like everyone else's. You're not God and you are not the devil. You are just in ordinary person. So if you're going around thinking you're way better or greater than other people and then you're thinking your way less than your way below other people you don't deserve love. That's crazy because you do deserve love. You are a great person, and so am I. And so is everyone else. And no one is better than anyone else. Going to. My support group has helped a lot with that. I go there. I see people who are handicapped. People wore very wealthy people who are younger than me older than me. Different genders races were all equal. We're completely fundamentally equal. None of us is better or worse than another. We're all just a person trying to get through the day, and that's awesome. So that's what faith does, is restores you to sanity, put you in your place. You are here with me on earth. Or maybe in the future you're watching this in outer space. You are here with me and everything is okay. That's faith. A restoration to sanity from whatever insanity you are struggling with. So for me, drinking was an insanity. One day, I would swear off drinking forever the next day. It's a great idea, and I'm getting drunk again. The day after that, I'm apologizing to everyone. The day after that, I'm remorseful, irritated and discontent. The day after that, I'm drinking again. That's insanity. Relationships can have that same kind of insanity one day. You love the person. You think that the greatest you're telling all your friends about him the next day you're smearing them behind their back. You're yelling at them, your cussing at them. You're saying hurtful things to them. The day after that. You're apologizing. You're making up. You're trying to make things okay. The day after that they're the greatest. You telling all your friends about them the day after that? They're the worst. You hate them. You don't want to see them again. That's an insanity. Faith restores you to a consistent, peaceful state of being. Here's another insanity. Your job. One day, your jobs the best. It's awesome. You make so much money, you are the most employable on best person in town. The next day you hate your job. You can't stand it. Everyone's disgusting. You don't want to see them again. You don't ever want to go in there again. The day after that, you're back in there and you're sitting there looking like you're happy. And yet you're feeling miserable inside. Here's another insanity situation here with your family. And this was one idea. This was my original insanity. You're with your family, and one day, your nice You're happier all having fun. The next day you're miserable. You can't stand them. You want to be left alone. The day after that, you start off being miserable, and then your parents get you a present of some kind. You're all happy. You're way over excited. You're giddy. You're a pain in the butt to everyone. You love everyone and then the next day you can't stand them anymore. That's insanity, because insanity is being wild all over the place, not in touch with reality. Reality is now. Everything is okay. That's reality. And that's faith restores you to that reality. That's the reality I'm in. Everything's OK. I have wonderful, beautiful life. And the only way I can suffer is do not see that regardless of what happens outside of me and the more bad things that happen outside of me, the bigger opportunity it is for me to have faith. I used to think I could handle my problems all on my own because I had such a good family. And then, of course, I would treat that family bad lots of times. That's insanity. When my dad passed away last year in 2014 then I started to desperately reach out for more faith. My world was shook up. My world now no longer included. Ah, person. I had faith in at least in the physical form, so I grabbed faith out of desperation. I was drowned ing spiritually after a life of barrel of bobbing up and down in the water. I was now drowning and I desperately reached out and grabbed onto faith. That's how I'm here talking with you because I desperately in a state of surrender. I desperately asked Ah, higher power. Please help, Please. I'll do anything. Help! And I done that a few times before. And now I try and do that every day. I try and focus on that higher power every day because if they have infinite power and they're everywhere and they made all of this, why wouldn't I ask for help every day? My brother had a great thing to say about He wants, Ah, a new house and kids and his job to go well. And he's willing to ask God as his higher power is called for help with those things. And I said to my brother, I ask my higher power, which I conveniently called God. I ask God for help with everything, every single little thing, because I want to stay in a state where I am saying, I love appreciating now and not being crazy, the kind of crazy that brought me into a 12 step program and the miracle I'm sharing with you is in these what I'm pointing to you what I'm pointing to in yourself, having faith in that higher power that's inside you. They're not out somewhere else. I mean they are. They are also you. You all you have to do is look down into your heart. That's where you find faith, and that's how you get restored to sanity. That's what faith does for you is give you the chance toe walk through the rest of these steps, and when you take all these steps now, then but it will be now taking these steps. Having faith surrendering gives you the ability to have a spiritually awakening, which will be a miracle in your life, the way it's been in my life and anyone else's life who has done this and thoroughly followed this path. Thank you for sharing this and walking on this path with me, and I hope that this is helpful for you. 7. Introduction to trusting in my higher power to direct my life.: Step three is trust specifically trusting your higher power to direct your life instead of you and especially for me instead of me being the director. Think about it like a play instead of me trying to be the director and move around everyone else in the position I trust my higher power. I trust the faith in my how our power to be delivered through leading me in my life. My higher power guides my life. That's a big difference from, ah, lot of how I lived my life with mind directed life thought directed life one compulsive thought leading to another directing my behavior. When I do this, I do that when I do this, I do that. So for example, when I listen to this song, then I drink when I go out to this bar than I drink. When I go to this classroom, I sit there and daydream about what I'll do in the future. When I lay in bed at night, I can't fall asleep. I have insomnia. When I get up in the morning. I'm aggravated. I hate mornings. I hate getting up. When I play basketball, I'm having fun. I'm really enjoying myself. I'm alive when I'm snowboarding. I'm alive. I'm having fun. I'm enjoying myself when I'm driving, I listen to music. I'm in the car and I'm annoyed by the other drivers. All these things air, compulsive thoughts. They're not reality, except as you engage in and take them seriously. All the things I'm sharing were compulsive thoughts that if I don't trust my higher power to direct my life, I will get all of those to direct to my life. So here's how this works exactly as I'm cheering it with you making this course. I trust my higher power to deliver the message that I will say that you need to hear through me. I have no script. I didn't plan on making this course this morning. It felt right, and that's all that matters. It feels right. My instinct says, Do this and so that's not mental. There's no mind behind it. The mind becomes a tool, so thoughts become a tool to serve you. I'm or getting out of the way toe allow my higher power, which is all higher power. I'm getting out of the way toe. Allow the beauty of the universe, the love to shine through me. And so you recognize that that love shining through me is that exactly that you have in yourself. And so you see yourself. That's what trust is. I get out of the way and let life happen. I trust that life will work out how it's supposed to. I trust my higher power to put me where I'm supposed to be. Here's another example of that. I'm booking a trip to South Korea soon, and of course, the fear of death comes into play. What if the plane crashes and this is how trust plays out? If that's what I'm supposed to do, I will go do it. If I'm supposed to go die in a plane crash, I will go do it. If I'm not supposed to die in a plane crash, I will go do that too. I trust the universe, the creator of the university intelligence that's run the universe. If you use God, you could call it God. I trust God to do with me what I'm supposed to do. Like a pawn on the chessboard. I trust the player to move me into the right spot and use me how I'm supposed to be used. That's how I can create this course here with you, with no script, with no planning and just deliver it straight out of nothing. I love that car. Toll Lee's books and retreats. Audiobooks. That's exactly how he does it. It's the same kind of thing Einstein and Newton were referring to that you could somewhere take straight from the source. There's a spot, a place that's nowhere but everywhere that all knowledge in the universe exists. And if you want to create, if you want to truly create, not copy what's been created, you can simply download from that you can just allow it to come through. You just allow it to come out to not get in the way. And that's trust. So another thing driving is implicit with trust. I trust that I will get from one place to another. If I'm supposed to wreck in a car accident. A then I will do that. I get out of the way of what's supposed to happen. I would guess I'm not supposed to, However, if I am supposed to, I will do it. I will do whatever my higher power asked me to do. I will not fight. I am surrendered. I will not fight now. That doesn't mean I just walk around and be victimized and taken advantage off. It's the opposite of that. I do what I'm supposed to, and it's the idea that you know what the right thing to do is. How many times have you heard people say, Well, I knew what the right thing to do was. But I did something else. I knew I shouldn't have done that, but I did it anyway. How often have you had your parents say? You knew that was wrong. Why did you do it? Or your friends say things like that. Like man, you knew what the right thing to do was. Why did you do something else? We all know what the right thing to do is. All you have to do is surrender and allow the right thing. You know how to do to be done. Don't fight it. And that's hard when you're used to using the mind to make decisions when you used to relying on the mind to tell you what to do when you used to trusting yourself your thoughts to tell you what to do. It's challenging toe. Let go of that. And that's what surrender of is about letting go of using your mind to make decisions and trusting. However, you've defined your higher power to guide you and accept a life where they guide you again , like the Japanese and a German surrendering after World War Two, accepting guidance from the U. S. A. And from other countries that are intervening, accepting the way of life that they set down for them. Now look at the way of life they have today in Germany and Japan. It's a life of freedom. They're not being persecuted and murdered by their own government. That's the same thing. You have the opportunity to get in yourself. You don't have to persecute yourself anymore. You can have trust in faith in a higher power, and I will describe Mawr about how that actually plays out in my life to help you see what I mean by having trust in a higher power. Thank you for going through this with me, and I hope it's helpful 8. How does it work to trust the universe and a higher power to run your life?: so more about trusting a higher power and the benefits of that they're massive. When I'm trusting life Ah, higher power of the universe to put me in my place then it's all about doing my best. Each moment when I trust what I'm supposed to do is already laid out, and all I have to do is follow it. All I have to do each moment is stay in touch with what's going on around me and I will know what to do. So, for example, with my courses, I make courses every morning and I don't plan out exactly what I'm going to do. I trust that each morning when I go sit down to make these courses with you, I will know at that moment what the right thing to do is. I've noticed when I try and force myself to do something. So in other words, when my mind tells me I should or I need to do something instead of doing what feels right , the results are awful and it's amazing how many things in life are set up with mind made forcing. So you write it to do list down, and the next day you get up and you look the to do list like I don't want to do this. So aggravated trusting in your life, in yourself, in the universe in a higher power frees you from the need to look at yourself in these moments, as if a moment before was more holy Mawr important than now. So, for example, I often in my past would set up these things I was going to do and then disregard how I felt at the time I wanted to do it. This is an example of what happened. So drinking was one of those things. I would do that on Tuesday. I'd say, You know what? My wife's going to be home late Thursday. That's a good day for me to drink. I will start drinking on Thursday around noon. Noone would come on Thursday, and sometimes I didn't even want to do it. At the time, I'd say, No, no, I don't want to do this right now, and my mind would come in and say, Well, you planned on doing this before. You have to do it now, even though I didn't want to do it at the time. My instinct my now in the moment I knew it wasn't the right thing to do when I did it anyway. But at some point before I had a thought that decided that's what would happen, that I did it the Now How many times have you done this in your own life? How many times have you said okay, tomorrow at 6 a.m. I'm going to do this and you wake up at 6 a.m. and you don't want to do it if you are trusting. If I am in line with trust in life, I do the right things and I tend to plan the right things, and I tend to change the things I plan as needed. So, for example, I plan to get up at 5:30 a.m. When my wife is working and 6:30 a.m. When she's not, because that works good for my life and I get straight out of bed and get to work. However, if for some reason it doesn't go like that one day, then that's OK. If somehow it doesn't work out like that, that's fine. But I set that up out of love out of wanting to so the same thing with my courses. Sometimes I don't get to film first thing in the morning, but that's OK. I film as soon as I have the chance. Trusting in a higher power takes out the need for me to direct things. It takes out the need for me at this moment to decide when I'm going to do at another moment. Sure, calendar time clock time is very helpful for scheduling. I have a personal training appointment at 12 30 today. I expect I will be there on time, but I don't know if it 12 o'clock something happens, and I feel the right thing to do is to skip that appointment. Then I will do it if I end up not leaving until 12 20 I'm late, Okay, that's what I'm supposed to do. Then I will do it. The idea is I don't let now decide what goes on at another time, and fundamentally it is always now. But trusting removes the need for 99% of the frustration and struggles most of us go through. So, for example, here's a great scenario where trust is evident or not evident. When I used to go out on dates, I'd often plan out all these things I was going to say, Well, if she asked this, I'll say that Well, if she asked this, I'll say that if she says this, I'll say that you know what that did Half the time, she didn't say any of the things I plan out in the other half of the time, giving a canned answer to a question she'd asked in the moment was the wrong response. How often have you done things like that where you're going to hang out with family or you're going to a certain situation and you plan out okay, If this happens, I'll do this. If that happens, I'll do that. Why do you think now, when you're not in a situation that you're going to be better informed than when you're actually there? So that's idea of scripting a course to Why would I sit and go through beforehand and write down what I'm going to say? Instead of trusting that, I'll say what I'm supposed to say When it's time I trust, I'll tell you the right thing. When it's the right time, I don't have to sit there and go through beforehand. Well, at this point in the course, I'm going to tell them this. And then I'm going to say that Well, I don't know if I want to say that, because what will they think I trust? I'll tell you the right thing to do it the right time, and that's what makes my courses exceptional, their original. And it's not me. It has nothing to do with me. I'm allowing the universe to shine through me arm, allowing the creative, unmanaged, festive spirit to be brought in through me because I trust it. I trust my higher power. God, You could call it Nirvana, Nature, life. I trust it to do with me when I'm supposed to do so. I don't have to micromanage life. I don't have to plan everything out beforehand. All I have to do is be here right now with you. That's all I ever have to do. I don't have to go anywhere. I don't have to do anything except what's right now. And that is what trust is about when you trust life. When you trust yourself, you can always stay in the moment you can do what you're supposed to right now. I have nothing else I ever have to do. Except right now. What a relief. I don't have to plan out my day tomorrow. I can schedule a couple things on the calendar. But if stuff comes up, Uh oh. Well, I trust life will do with me what I'm supposed to, and that is a huge relief. That's what having trust in a higher power does. That's what's having a life you might call it if you use God. You could call it a God directed life. That's what the power you get relief from all of the mental games. I don't have to plan out my day. How many times have you got anxious about what you're going to do later that day? Whenever that feeling comes up, I notice it. And I say, Well, I suppose I'll do whatever I'm supposed to today. I don't have to go through and say, 00 well, I've got three hours here. What am I gonna do? I'll figure it out when it's time. Trust is huge into getting spiritually opening. You want the love in the grace of the universe to shine through you and that takes trust. It takes faith. It takes surrender. So I hope I've shared what I'm supposed to with you here. And I'm grateful for the time you've spent here with me talking about trust. 9. Using trust as a foundation for navigating the rest of the 12 steps.: Why is trust so important for moving forward? The 1st 3 steps give you release from your existing way of life and enter you into a new one, and you've got to have faith and trust to move forward. The reason is some of these steps for the mind can be very scary. But if you have faith in the universe, the higher power you have if you trust the higher power to direct your life. If you trust life to do with you what's supposed to be done with you, then you can go through these steps almost effortlessly. If you find yourself in the moment now, just doing your best today. You can go through these steps without so much fear without so much anxiety, because these steps are here to set you free from fear and anxiety and financial concerns and fear of other people and your life and fear of death. That's what the's steps air here for, and you've got to trust in your higher power to move forward from this point because trust is needed to go through these steps. He steps can be scary on their own. I think sometimes about what I've done working these steps. And if I had tried to decide mentally to think about it and to say Okay, well, I'm gonna plan this out. What if I do this? What could happen? Why am I going to do? If I had went about it like that, I never would have done it. I would have just said all That's ridiculous. I'm not doing that. Why would I go through and think about all the bad things I've done that's passed? Why would I try and make amends for the things I've done? Why would I need to be restored from my fault? I'm perfect. Why would I need to spend time trying to take this dollar people? That's exhausting. I don't have time for that. If I didn't have trust, that's what would have happened, and I never would have made progress. So the three steps surrender give up trying to fight. That creates a void. Ah, fight takes up a lot of time and energy. I knew for me drinking as long as I was in the fight. In other words, I was fighting to stay sober or fighting to get drunk as often as possible and minimize the consequences or fighting to try and drink controlled. I had to use a ton of energy to do that. Surrendering and giving up that fight released a huge void in my life. Oh my God, What do I do with all this time on my hands? When I tried to get sober the last time and I didn't have these 12 steps, I started a company. I was in grad school and it just moved in with my now wife. I already had a lot to do, and I started a company. I had so much energy and I started exercising like crazy. But I never went through these steps, especially the next two steps of step four and five. I never went through and did any of that. So I surrendered at first, and I tried to place my faith into some different things, but not a higher power. And that worked for a while. But without continuing through this process, I did not get to a point of spiritual awakening without getting no point of spiritually awakening. I sunk back into the same things the same thoughts, the same compulsive thinking, the same addictions, the same problems as before I surrendered, I had a moment out of the water, right could see and there was hope. And then I sunk back down because I didn't grab on to the lifeline. That's in these steps, which is trust in a higher power, faith that I am restored the sanity and surrendering to life on life's terms, surrendering and giving up the fight against life. I don't fight life. I let life happen because life will happen rather high fight or nine. But my fight against life is futile. Just like my fight against death is futile. I will die. You will die. Therefore, the only thing that makes sense is to surrender the fight, give up fighting death and let death happen when it's supposed to have faith that you will live your life each day, how you're supposed to trust your higher power to do with you what's supposed to be done with you until it's time to give up this body, that will give you the chance to finish these steps and toe live these steps every day and to experience a miracle of life right now. When you do that, I'm honored you're here with me because I ultimately believe I'm talking to you as myself. You are me. I am you in one. Now I'm sitting here. You are here sitting at the computer, talking in another version. I'm sitting there listening to you, which is me talk. So that's how I see this working the best I can share it. It's a truth that, you know, deep down. That's why when you're listening to this, it's touching something deep down in your spirit that you're saying. Yes, I get that. Yes, Yes, yes, you're right. I know this Good. You're open. You are open to the rest of this process. The rest of this process is can be very mentally scary if you let your mind control things . If you trust your heart, if you trust your higher power. If you have faith and you've given up trying to fight life, doing this will be as easy as anything else you've ever done. So I'm honored you're here, and I appreciate you continuing to spend time using this 10. Getting started with step 4 reflecting on what you have done in your life: Step four is reflection, taking an honest, deep look into yourself into who you've been, what you've done, who you are and what you're doing. This look is very important. This reflection helps you to dig up all of these things. Your mind uses toe hold you hostage. This can be a very painful process when you get really deep down into it. For example, I'm often a very selfish person, and selfishness and self centeredness have been the root of the problems in my life of feeling like I was alone, of thinking only of myself and of making decisions and actions and thoughts based simply on what I thought was best for me at the moment, without regard to what anyone else was doing. I reflect on these things constantly and at every opportunity. And starting this reflection process will help you root out and figure out what baggage you're carrying around. Right now, most of us have huge loads. If you've seen the Christmas Carol, if you look at Marley with his chains that he's carrying in death, most of us have huge burdens were all carrying around from our past, and we don't even consciously engage with it lots of times. So, for example, shameful things that happened when you were a child. You're embarrassed. You've never told anyone about them. Things you've done is an adult. You feel like define you as a bad person, things you've never told anyone about things that you sworn you'll take to the grave. Step four is about reflecting, looking at those not hiding them anymore but bringing them into the light. Often it helps to write them down, to share things that often you'd be horribly afraid to. And I can't do this and tell you to do it without giving a good example for myself. So I often would go through my life judging people and being condescending and looking at someone in pointing the finger. And the more hard I pointed the finger and judge them, the more likely it was. I had that issue buried deep down, and I never even thought of it consciously. So one of those things was suicide. If you said at some point you thought about suicide or were very likely to have tried it yourself for you'd had a suicide attempt, I judged hard on that. I said, Wow, and I looked down upon people and I was rough. And then I acted like I didn't understand when I've been very close to suicide several times. That is a good thing for me to reflect on and to note, because if I'm open and honest about it, if I reflect on it, then I don't have to repeat it. I don't have to try it again. And when other people share and reflect on what they've done, if you reflect on what you've done, then you can openly and honestly admit and be prepared to do the next step to release these burdens. So when you find in this step what burdens you're carrying around, what shame you are carrying around when you find it, then you can be prepared to drop it in the next step to let go of it. So what I had done with every shameful thing, I'd held them so close. I'm gonna squeeze this to death. I'm gonna hold this onto it forever, and no one will ever find out. No one will ever know. I'm going to hold this inside and no one will ever know about it. What a burden that burden is there every moment until you drop it. And that's why I sought release in things like alcohol and gambling and relationships and overworking over exercise and overeating. That's why I sought those things is because I'd never until I was 29 years old, went through and took an honest inventory of myself and said, This is what I've done I've been a very selfish person A lot of times I've been very close to killing myself several times and on Lee, by grace of the higher power. Am I still here to talk to you? I've been through some things in my childhood that were very shameful. I've created a lot more shame for myself as an adolescent and as a young adult, I've looked at these shameful things and say that happened. I look at it and I put light on it, and when the lights on it, when I'm aware of it, it loses its power over me. Before I started these 12 steps, I started to realize I needed help when one day, a little bit of that inventory, a little bit of that reflection happened, and then right after that, I had a thought about drinking, and then I noticed that I said, Oh, this is a lot bigger problem than I ever imagined because for one of the first times I saw that thes shameful memories I held inside were encouraging me. We're taking control of me in that I wanted to be free of them. I wanted to numb the pain. I wanted to push them deeper. I wanted to drop them out of thought and anything. I engaged in alcohol, gambling, women work, exercise those things, movies, books, those things. Video games pushed that shame down a little bit. But whenever those things lifted, the shame was right there and everything around me played into it. And so doing this reflection on myself gives me the ability to drop. All those shameful things often say, Okay, that happened. It's not happening now. There's no gun. I'm putting to my head Now It's over. It's OK. Everything worked out. Step four is crucial because this is where you're likely to stop in these steps out of mental things like fear, anxiety. Oh, I can't. I can't go into my past. The more I go into my past, the more things come up that I didn't even remember things surface. All of a sudden, it's been years. I've pushed them down, and I never consciously remember him. But they were always there in the form of this shameful feeling, like I was an awful person. And then I sought ways to escape that, especially in things that would boost my ego. I sought to do things that would make me feel great, make me feel respected, make me feel like a big shot because I wanted to get away from those shameful feelings like you're nothing. You're a disaster. You are free. Cure a failure. You're a fraud. The memories we carry around give those things life. And if we want to, If you want to embrace life with me if you want to embrace your life, is it supposed to be shining light on the things you've been scared to think about? Looking at them honestly, Maybe writing them down will help separate now from what happened before. I just got a call before this on the phone from my bank, asking me, do a survey. I was very irritated. At first I said, Come on, I'm making an online course And as soon as I did that, I realized I reflected and I said that I was selfish. That was inconsiderate. Maybe there's nothing more important for me to do than to do this survey right now. Who am I to say I didn't get this phone call now for a reason? That's reflection. It's looking at myself. Mawr, like God might look at me like someone else like you might look at me stepping outside, giving some space from the relativity of myself and saying, Here's me in relation to everything else. Here's what I've done in relation to everyone else. And that reflection is where you start to separate from selfishness and self centeredness. It takes surrender, faith and trust to get started and to do this reflection. But if you want to get the spiritually awakening, if you want to get the miracle I'm talking about, if you want to feel the liberation, the love, the freedom that I feel and that millions of others feel and that you can feel right now doing this reflection is huge. Have courage, faith, trust, go into it. Look at the worst memories you have. Look at them and know that it's okay right now. It doesn't matter what happened before. Rather you did it Or rather it was done to you. It doesn't matter. You're here with me right now. That's all that matters. That's all that matters. Those things that happened before our Onley as really as you let them be in your mind. I am here with you right now. That's riel. What's going on? Immediately surrounding you. Rather your at the gym, which is where I do most of my uni courses in the car, at home, at your desktop, sitting on the couch, sitting in your office in your bed. That's riel. When you reflect on what's riel and what happened before, then you can separate selfishness and self centeredness from life. You can isolate the problem and then be free of it. So take this bold step with me. Take this four step of reflecting on yourself honestly and see what happens. Thank you for sharing this with me. 11. How to do step 4 in writing down your shameful experiences.: The easiest way to get started with Step four is to write these things down one at a time and to just let them come out. So the first time I ever did step for I typed out a 2 to 3000 word story of my life, highlighting a lot of the things I done wrong. For example, the first time I'd ever came out with the suicide attempts very openly was writing about it . In that first inventory I took on the 2 to 3000 word story. I've never been so honest about it before, and the only thing I had done a little bit of was to talk to my dad about it on the phone shortly after it had happened. But I still gave very few details and was not very honest about it. So the first time it's easiest to just write things down, and I wrote down a lot of what I done wrong in my life as well as of what I'd done right. The four step is not all about getting out the bad things you've done, but also noticing the good things you're doing, too, and I feel like I noticed the good things I've do Ah, lot on a regular basis, and I get a lot of good feedback from people about the good things I'm doing, and I'm grateful for that. So if you're not in that position, it may be very helpful to write down a lot of the good things you're doing. And I love the good things you've done in your life. There's probably a lot more of, um, The reason the four steps powerful for the bad things you've done is because we're all in this habit of hiding thes bad things we've done away so were in the habit of hiding them, even from ourselves. I just went through and again did a four step. I wrote down about 100 things that I've done bad or shameful things like that, and I wrote them down on a piece of paper. I think that's ideal because it's nice in this day and age of monitoring to not have anything available. Elektronik Lee It's easier that way for you to put it down, Concrete Lee and then the feel secure about it. If you put it all down Elektronik Lee, then it could be out there anywhere. But if you write it all down, you can feel safe and secure that it's not going out into the whole world uncontrolled, and that's a really good thing. So I just used a legal pad right before doing this lecture and right after doing the lecture before this, like I said about trusting life to guide you what to do. I didn't expect to do that right now, either. But I just went and did it because now I see the purpose. I can make a lot better lecture for you on this. So I just went and wrote down about 100 things. I'm shameful for shameful, horrible things that I wouldn't tell anyone before in my life that I kept to myself and that aren't even appropriate to share with you right now in the form of this course, since this is for mass distribution, but that are appropriate to share as ill defined with you and step five through a process of confession, which starts with yourself in your higher power and then translates when the time is right to doing it with another human being. But to give you an idea, I will share some of the things I just wrote down to get you an idea of what could be on your inventory. So, for example, I wrote that I lied to my parents on their when I was four years old. I spilled perfume off my mom's messing around. And then I lied to my parents and I said, I found it under the bed when they asked me, Why did I smell like my mom's perfume? Things like that stick with you and our burden and I wrote things down like I didn't ask girls to be in a relationship because I was so selfish. And I just focused on getting what I wanted that regardless of what they did, I didn't offer them a chance to be in a relationship that was wrong. That was selfish. That was hurtful. And now, thankfully, I'm where I'm supposed to be, and I've always been where I'm supposed to be. But I'm not suffering so much. So things like that on an inventory really good, and I just started. I just whatever thought came up 1st 1 of my worst Chambal thoughts came up first, and I wrote it down. Followed by one of my other worst shameful thoughts. And I wrote that down next and then I just started writing and lots of the things seemed kind of small in comparison. But they're still significant. They're a part of that accumulation of baggage now. Two of the things I wrote down first are two of the single biggest ones, and those both go back to childhood and early adulthood. So they're not things I've done recently. But there's some of the earliest, most shameful experiences I've had, and putting them down on paper just helps. I'm like, OK, it's not so bad. Look, I just wrote it down, And so then I kept going down and writing down all these other things that I've done in somewhere, Or just like hurting people at my job, like by saying mean things to them. And they had all these expectations. I disappointed them. Lots of them are things that aren't a big deal. Like I wrote down, didn't call my mom and dad. My dad's not here anymore, but often I didn't call my parents how she would have called more often. That was the right thing to do, and I didn't do it because I was so selfish to doing Step Fours and exercise a big exercise in trust from Step three. It's action. It's one thing to say I trust in our parts, another thing to trust and then put that down in the action. So Step four is about putting it down into action, and for me, writing makes it easiest. If you just want to say it aloud, that could help to, and some of what I'm doing here with you through Step five comes through in this Step two. But it starts with taking that honest inventory of yourself, and it helps to just no holds barred. If you think of something, write it down. There's nothing that's above being written down in this step. The more hesitate you are to write it down. The mawr impactful it likely is now. Some things I came across them like Okay, this is pretty minor. Like, Do I really write this down? And I mean the relationship with girls things. One of them, like I just wasn't really wrong and like, Well, if I felt like I was wrong to never asked like six girls to be in a relationship with me that I dated, but to just do with them everything I wanted and not even offer what several of them outright asked for or several of the others were hoping for. Then just write it down. It doesn't hurt to write something down. And if you are just hating the idea of writing anything you've done down, then that's something that really does need to be out there. You've got to get it out. Admit to it, shine light on it. Okay, Yes, I did this. I went and did this and it's OK because once you admit to it and shine the light on it, then you can drop it and say, All right, I did that back in 1993 or whatever. It's not now. It's not now. I'm not doing it now. I did that before and it's over. That is where the miracle of this process happens because all those guilt and shame, and were more send embarrassment. All those things haunt you and they hang around in your sub consciousness, and when you're trying to do some good, they'll threaten a pop up. And, like for me, those things would threaten a pop up, not even. They just barely touched the tip of consciousness. And I say no. All right, I'll drink. I'll do whatever it takes. I don't want to mess with that. I don't want to think about it. I don't want it to exist. I don't want to go there going There is exactly the solution. Go there And one thing I didn't write, but that is appropriate on my list is I've been afraid of dying. I've been afraid of dying a lot and going there admitting shining light on that fear helps . It makes it better even just saying that I'm less afraid than I was before I said it. And it's all about little tiny steps, little baby progress, little bits forward. So you go down and write out your inventory. You write these things down once you write all of them down. And then, like today, I just sat down and did it again, and I can do it again at any time. And I bet next time I do it all right and ADM or things that I didn't write nad today. So that's good. Get all these things out taken honest, look at yourself, especially the bad things you're willing to hide if you're willing to hide it and deny it, especially if you think about like, would you put it online and you're like, Oh, no, that's something good to write down. So Step four is easiest. If you just write it down, just get it out, purge it, get everything out, Put it down there to admit to it honestly, at least in front of yourself. And that will lead straight into Step five and step five, where giant relief from all these burdens you're carrying and that I've been carrying. That's where the relief starts to come. So thank you for going through how to do and what to do in step for with me and I'm honored you're here sharing this time with me. 12. Getting started with step 5 using confession to purge your shame: Step five is confession and forgiveness. It's where you share your inventory from step four. You share that with your higher power. You share it with yourself, you go through it and you share it with another human being. Now you don't have to verbatim take what you wrote and read it to someone. You just do it how it feels right. And this step was huge for me because what happened the longer I started to live a better life without being free from my mind. These things, these shameful experiences, started to overtly pop up in my mind every time that had happened before. I'd always resorted to acting out. I often resorted to drinking, but in absence of drinking, for example, I didn't drink and tall is 18. Before I was 18 I exhibited a lot of other forms of acting out being mean with my family withdrawing from life, playing way too many video games, getting obsessed with girls and with various problems. However, the negative energy takes hold of you and whatever helped you to get to a point where you said you surrender to get started with this process that will try and take hold of you again until you get thes shameful things out and the way it happened with me after I started living a bit better life and started trying some new things, these shameful experiences started to pop up in the very front of my mind in the form of a recurring compulsive thought that would not go away. If you looked at how I drank, you could easily say having these shameful thoughts come up was the exact thing I tried to avoid and minimise through my drinking. Some of these thoughts were things I'd done when I was younger, shameful experiences and just general feelings of shame about myself that I'm not a good person. I don't deserve to be loved. I'm a liar. I'm a thief. Those kind of negative thoughts and getting specific memories is one of the worst things that will happen. One specific memory came up and started haunting me, and it kept bothering me in times where I'd be quiet. So I'm grateful The support group I go to has a system where you get someone who's been in the program longer than you and you work with them to do this fifth step, and the fifth step involves confession. Because you can do the 1st 2 on your own. You can confess and share your wrongs openly, toe a higher power and to yourself. But then there's a human being in there also, and I've found great relief from that, dropping off a gigantic burden by openly admitting something and a bunch of things then. So I started with one thing, and then I moved into a bunch of things through this confession with another human being with a few other human beings that I trusted. I moved into this confession about some of the worst things in my life that I promised myself I'd never talked about or that no one knew about it. And I knew no one then would ever find out about. Those were horrible burdens I carried around. They would haunt me, and often what I do is try and do so many things. What worry? Obsess and fill my life with all these things so that those thoughts didn't have time or the opportunity to come up in the consciousness, while the more I started getting peaceful in doing the 1st 4 steps of the program, that I've shared with you here, the more these thoughts started consciously, openly presenting themselves and when they consciously openly present themselves, confession is a purging. You get rid of them. And now that I've gone through confession and I will continue to do confession throughout my life, that's the I. D. You don't just do it once, but you do it back with someone who's doing it with you. So the people, especially the second person I did confession with, was really helpful because when I shared with him my worst and deepest, darkest secrets, he shared some of his back with me, and it wasn't the first time for him. He'd shared his with a lot of people before and most people would say he had a lot worse, more torturing, awful things, mostly that had been done him that he had. And when he shared that with me, it was just ah, great diminishing of self because looking at his problems, his fourth step looking at what he had been dealing with in his life, his burdens, my burdens felt a lot lighter, confessing made my burdens feel not so bad. It's is if we both picked each other's burdens up on between the two of us, the overall load was much lighter. And you can see I feel relieved just talking about it. That has been one of the single biggest steps that's helped. May be free of the compulsive thinking, the insanity that goes with trying to hide all these things, the lying the two faced, you know, with one person, you'll be this way and another person. You'll be this way. I can be the same with you as I am with everyone else in my life because I've got nothing to hide. I've got nothing to lie about. I don't need to try and act some way with you because I am me and I am happy with who I am . I'm thankful for who I am in a big part of that's because of this fist step purging and getting out through confession. The things you've brought up and discovered in a four step will set you free from them. That's what I said before about trust and faith and surrender. This is not a I'm going to think about in debate and decide on this. This is a you do it because it's the right thing to do in. You disregard any of your mental decision making process when it comes to this. So here's how it worked for me twice when I went to my support group. I've done very good confessions. And then I've done parts of the confessions through making amends in the steps as I'll show you in step eight and nine. I've done those all ongoing with the people most affected. So in other words, if I had something in my fifth step for confession, it was related to a family member, and it made sense to make amends right. Then I would go tell them the confession and then make amends for that so you can do that the same time. But two of the most direct fifth steps I've done that I'm sharing with you happened like this. I was in my support group meeting. The thought was haunting me, and I suddenly felt that the right thing to do very strongly was to talk immediately after the meeting with a certain person about it. The first time it was more obvious it was the person I had chosen to support May so that was more of an obvious choice. A second time caught me gigantically by surprise. I noticed I laughed at something that one guy said in the meeting, and all of the sudden this one of the most horrible, shameful childhood memories I'd came bursting into consciousness, and I knew exactly what I needed to do. At the same time, I needed to talk to that specific person about it. He had given all of the signs and what he'd shared, that he would be open to going through and doing this with me. I grabbed him right after the meeting. It wasn't even having a very good day that day, and he thought I wanted to talk about him and he initially said no and I said, No, I want to do my fist up with you right now He said, okay, and he went and shared his fist step with me and I shared my fist up with him, and it's for a few days. What he shared with me haunted May, and once I accepted what he shared with May, I've been experiencing an amount of freedom that's hard to even describe. I'm not afraid of those shameful thoughts coming up because I've shown the light on them. I've told another human being about them. They're okay. Everything's okay. Nothing is happening right now. That's awful. And that's what these whole 12 steps air about is helping you and me to stay in the moment , to let go of the past toe. Let go of our ideas about the future and to stay in the moment to focus on today. So I hope sharing this fist step process with you of confession has been helpful has been fantastically helpful for me. That's why I share it with you. So thank you for going through this with me. I'm honored. You're here, and I appreciate the time you spent with me. 13. Diving deep into step 5 in the details for how to confess.: Step five is a very delicate step. And here's how you conduce Oh, it that worked for me and that you can figure out a way to make it work for you. So Step five, I trust instinct. I don't make any mental decisions. I might have a thought beforehand like, All right, I should do this. But I trust my gut because this is something that comes out of the heart when I've made my biggest progress. It's all the sudden in the moment been obvious exactly when I should get started with Step five. So Step five. The big part of it is sharing the nature of your wrongs with another human being, which usually involves them sharing the nature of their wrongs with you. That's a very trusting thing you want to do so you don't just want to do it with anyone on the street corner. This is why having a support group helps, and you can find a list of support groups that you might be able to get a lot of value out of. I don't know exactly what your particular problem is and what flavor it takes, but I know a support group is really helpful with Step five, but you don't have to do this with someone in the support group. You could do it with a friend, a family member and associate. You just have to go on the previous steps. Very careful, especially the faith in your higher power and the trust you placed to lead a life directed by your higher power. These are not things you can do very easily with the mind. So it's not very easy to plan something like this out, because if you go to rationally planning out, there's too many what ifs. There's too many things that could go wrong when I have made progress doing these steps. It's been all the sudden and overwhelming direction, Like in that moment, I could suddenly see I'm going to do this and I need to do this. So it was most powerful the second time. I really deep went into this the first time I had planned it out. And if you need to plan it out a little bit, pick a person to do this with It helps if they're willing to do it back with you, too. So if you share with someone who's willing to open up and share honestly with you. And sometimes this can be good to do with a friend. Sometimes it can't. Sometimes this can result in your business getting spread around. And here's the thing. If that's what you are supposed to do, then do it. If you are supposed to share something that ends up getting shared with someone else, then that is what supposed to happen. So you don't wanna fight life now. I'm not saying that's how it will work out for you. Most of the time. It seems to me doing this works out very well in that when you share, you open up with someone and they open up with you. So you both have a lot of these shameful things you share with each other. You both have a strong investment not going to share them with anyone else. And it's easiest when you just stick to sharing your own things with people. Then you don't have to worry about you sharing other peoples things that I'm sharing yours . So this is the thing that will happen by intuition, and it's not something that's likely toe happen just out of the regular planning you might do. This is something that will likely kind of take hold of you. So here's how it took hold of me. I was at my support group meeting the first time I've been having this thought that kept bothering me. I was thinking about the steps that I'm sharing with you here, and I realized all the sudden is just out of inspiration. It's time to talk to your sponsor about this and a sponsors a person in a support group that helps lead you through how to do that program has been in it longer, so I just suddenly knew, Okay, it's time to talk to my sponsor about this. It was more of a knowing than a thought, though. Like I knew I was going to talk to my sponsor about, and I knew I needed to do it. And my mind voiced objections. Well, what if What if What if What if? And I just accepted them if that happens, Okay, If that happens, okay, I'm trusting my higher powers, placed me in the right place to do the right thing every moment And thats most challenging when your mind will point out all these bad things that could happen. That's when it's most challenging. So this fist step is crucial for getting into all of these steps. Because if you're not willing to have some faith in your higher power, when you confess the nature of your wrongs than how are you going to have faith in anything else, you're wrong. Zehr Not wholly or special. I have mine. You have yours, and it's not something that makes you horribly different from anyone. Years are a little different flavor than mine, but we both have them. We've both done shameful things, and that's okay. When you find the right person to share with, you all know it, and it won't be like how. I think maybe you'll know it. It'll grab on to you is if someone grabbed the back your shirt or grabbed the front of your start shirt and started to pull you towards them. It's the law of attraction, like if you've read the secret or the power the law of attraction, you will get pulled towards the person. So the first time it happened, it was kind of gentle. The second time it happened the first time it happened very powerful e I had started to share, and I shared a couple of shameful things from my past. The second time it happened, I had started to have all of these things surface after I'd opened up by sharing those 1st 2 And I had no plans at all. All of the sudden after. It's one guy that I respect a lot whose very trustworthy who leads by example who is always open and sharing what's went on in his life, his shameful experiences, even in the group setting. He said something. I left at it, and I had this horrible realization that you will talk to him about thes shameful memories . And it wasn't like a thought. It was just like I did saw it, and it already happened. And it was like I'd strapped in on a riding Amar in. Oh, okay. And that was more of Justin acceptance like, Okay, I'll do this. And the mind leaves no room for this kind of thing. The mind just No, no, no, no, no. Don't do this. Don't do this. The mind uses the shame to get that death grip on you and let you be stuck in a world where you have to think all the time, this step is a letting go of thinking and trusting what's right. So when this happened, he talked for a minute, and I had this like Oh, like the feeling you might get before you're going to throw up. It was about kind of like that, except mentally. So I A few minutes later, after a meeting and I got him, we went out and sat and talked by ourselves for about 30 minutes. And I shared some of the most painful, awful things that had made me feel bad about myself, that I never told anyone before, and he shared some of those same things back except what had gone on in his life with me. And suddenly, instead of having my shame, I now got to experience his shame. And his shame was just this horrible kind of unbelief to me like, Wow, how could that happen to you? And how could anyone do this and be in this position? Is he not a lot of bad things happen to him, and I was just for a couple of days of my mind, just couldn't handle it just like round, aground and round with it. And then I just accepted it and got this miracle of relief to be trusted with his shame. To have given my shame away was just wonderful. And now I don't have to be scared of those thoughts coming up. If those thoughts come up there, okay, and I'll share him with someone again to it's okay, but I just trust by instinct and build a relationship over time. That's why I support groups are good, too, because you don't rush into a support group. Usually you do it a little bit every day. When you've been going to a support group a lot, You can really get an instinctual knowing of people, even if you haven't talked with them that much. And this can be a bit easier to do, even in a support group than with your friends. Because if you've been kind of playing a role with your friends, it can be hard to get a little more out of that role and be you with your friends. But if you can find a friend or a family member to do this with, I know I've had lots of fist step, little details that I've done with individual family members. I had a thing as it relates to my own sexuality that I felt most comfortable sharing with my wife because that shameful thing about you know it's a shameful thing most men have in common with, You know, the ability you have to do it yourself. I felt most comfortable sharing that with my wife because my wife is the only person I have sex with. So it makes sense because our sexual relationship is very important. It felt right to share that with my wife and to go through and do that with her. And that's what felt right, so I did it. But the same time, I don't burden my wife with all of my shameful things from my whole life. It's too much right now. You do these things a little bit of a time, and you do them with the person that feels right. Not that you've logically decide is probably right, but who feels right often they'll be suggested by someone else. If you start talking about doing this often, for example, I have when I'm working with and Support Group now, a new sponsor, and he has suggested another person that will be really good to do my fist step again with , and then I can do it in even more detail. So that's how this works, and it will work differently in the details for you than for me. But the same basic foundational things go on, though it's a dropping off. The fist up is a concrete releasing of these burdens of these things you've been holding on to all the shameful memories that you are holding on to so tight, so then they'll never get away. It's like holding onto a bird. It has so much life in you while you're holding on to it in this step, you let it go and it flies away and it's gone. And there's gigantic relief I feel, and you probably can get a little bit of it through the webcam in the mike. Even I feel gigantic relief like I've never felt since I was a kid. I feel more like a kid now, a kid who's only a few years old, who barely knows anything about life, who just feels free to explore and toe live each life and who doesn't have all these shameful memories strapping them down that are haunting their mind and allowing their mind to say You do that, you do that. You do it this way. You do it. That what? You better do this or I'm gonna do that. I'm free and it's a miracle. And when I've given you here in Step five is a huge thing you can use to get that same thing. So thank you for sharing this with me. I hope it's been helpful for you in accomplishing the same thing. 14. Willingness to work on all character defects and problems.: Step six is willingness. It's an every moment, every day, kind of step. Are you willing to have all of your defects removed large and small? So you started here with one bigger problem that seemed to overcome all of the rest. And the 1st 5 steps are about surrendering and being restored. The sanity which gives freedom from that big problem. Well, what's left are a 1,000,000 little problems, and the often cause for me personally for drinking was that it simplified my life. I could just drink and have fun and then drinking. And the problems surrounding drinking were my problems. The times I was sober before were wrought with a 1,000,000 little problems, and that drove me insane. Once I wasn't drinking, all of these other character flaws became very exposed. Selfishness, self centeredness, rudeness exploit iveness, taking advantage of other people. All of these little character defects, which seemed little and which led to my drinking, were then exposed for everyone to see. And it often was better in my mind to just go back to drinking, numb all the pain and dive into those defects instead of being willing to do something about them before I had these 12 steps. All of those little character defects shocked me. Things like lust. I didn't know what to do with that, because when I drank, it was just a part of everything else. But being sober and being able to actually look at lost and say, Wow, why am I like that? Why do I lust after all these other women all the time? That's a pretty scary thing to deal with when you've never dealt with it before. And if you've had a big problem in your life, you often never dealt with all these a little defects of character that step for and step five bring up. The other times I got sober. I didn't want to deal with any of these other character defects. Self righteousness was a big thing. I wanted to just be perfect. Just be right all the time. I didn't want to go through and do a step four and five, and I was not willing the work on all my little character defects. So the idea is, once you've tackle the big problem in the 1st 3 steps, now you start dredging up all of the defects and step six is being willing to do something about them. I am willing right now to work towards perfection. I'm willing to work towards dealing with all of my character defects, which, compared to just drinking, seems quite minor. Drinking, in other words, seems like a very specific thing I can work on. For example, I don't take that first drink, so whatever your problem is, maybe very similar. I don't overeat. I don't lust over this person. I don't keep on going with this relationship. I don't go that job anymore. I don't do this kind of drug. I don't gamble. It may be that easy, that simple, for one thing, but tackling all of these defects can be quite overwhelming, and it often will encourage you to just go back to that bigger problem to distract from all of these other character defects. I know the last time I had some success getting sober lust was one of the things that I just was not willing to deal with and really horrified me after several months sober. Seeing that I had so much lust in myself was so shameful, I didn't talk with anyone about it. I just went back to drinking again. And now, working these 12 steps about getting honest and being willing and step six toe work on all of these defects and the first step toe working on these defects is to figure out there there. You already did that in step four, and you do that all the time. New defects pop up, especially when you successfully handle some of the ones you've had. New ones will appear. It's like playing whack a mole. You hit one on the head and two more come up the steps. Six is a daily, constant willingness to do whatever it takes to be free from those defects. And I'm grateful you're here with me and sharing this journey with me because this is me today working on my Step six with you being willing toe work on all of my character defects because one of my character defects focused on self pity. Oh, I'm lonely today. I'm sad today all poor me. That's one of my character defects, and one of my solutions was to drink. Then I could just numb that pain and then feel that euphoria. So I'm willing today to work on myself. Pity I'm willing to acknowledge when self pity comes up, I'm willing toe work towards perfection, and this is not something you are going to get immediately. It's a willingness to take little steps forever towards it when you see an imperfection toe work on it. So I'm grateful you're here. 15. What does unwillingness look like? Resistance is painful.: What does willingness look like versus unwillingness? So here's willingness. I will do anything right now to be the best person I can be. I will do anything to serve other people most effectively. I will do anything to serve my higher power. Whether you call it God or something else, I will do anything to serve God most effectively. I will do anything to stay sober today. These statements are willingness, and the key tends to be. I will do anything. Here are statements that share unwillingness. I'm never giving up coffee. I'm never giving up smoking. I don't want to quit going to bars even though I'm sober. I don't want to quit going to casinos, even though I have a gambling addiction. I don't want to stop lusting after other people. I don't want to quit fantasizing. I don't want to stop watching porn. I'm never giving up, staying up all night. I'm never giving up my freedom. These are unwilling statements, and the key with unwilling statements is resistance. So Step six is about willingness. The opposite of willingness is resistance. So think of it and police situation. Terms of a police officer comes to your house and says You're under arrest. Willingness, you say. OK, I'm going quietly. Resistance, You say Nope. You're gonna have to carry me out, Beat me out, Shoot me, taste me whatever. That's unwillingness that you can't get through Step six with the critical threshold of resistance and resistance in anything. And this is challenging for me because for me, personally, resistance pops up like a whack a mole. I stopped resisting in one place. I get new resistance in another place. One of my latest things has been speculating with Bitcoin. I have resisted trying to be willing and to do my best to not have these character defects because speculating on Bitcoin for me is stupid. There's no reason to do that, so I work. Step six on that I'm willing to do better. I sold by Bitcoin. I'm not speculating on Bitcoin now. Every little area that you encounter resistance in is challenging, and this is a work towards perfection, the idea being whenever I see resistance, I try and drop it. So in other words, if I'm up, if I imposed toe fight on something, if I'm up to fight about it, if I don't notice I'm doing that. I have. No, I can't do anything about that. But if I see I'm fighting like on the Bitcoin speculation I was fighting. Oh, I'm doing this to help my friend. Oh, I'm doing this to make money. I'm doing this because it's gonna work out. These are those are resistances. So when I see that, drop it. Okay, I'll stop resisting. Okay? I'll do what's right. And what's right is usually obvious. How many times in your life have you known the right thing and did something else? Most of us. And I'm betting you No, the right thing to do nearly all of the time. Resistance is the only difference between doing the right thing and not doing the right thing. For example, he got on a date with someone you know you don't like him. You know the right thing to do is to tell them. Look, I don't want to go out with you again. It is nice a way as possible. Like Look, I am glad we had this time together. I don't think I want to keep dating you, though. That's the right thing to do. It's usually obvious and all of the resistance and awkwardness comes in from doing other things from being afraid of doing that. Well, I'm afraid I don't wanna hurt someone's feelings. I'm afraid of looking bad. That's resistance. Fear and resistance often go together. A lot of people I've heard of that air quitting one habit often have another habit than they're unwilling to give up. For example, a lot of people in my support group are willing to quit drinking, and then they have to deal with smoking. And it's a whole other thing. So if you're doing things that are bad for yourself and bad for other people, willingness to give them up. And this is tricky because resistance comes in a lot of different forms. So say you've had a bad habit in one area of your life. You're willing the work on that. But you have another area, maybe business, where you tend to exploit other people. You tend to take other people's money. You tend to be very aggressive and inconsiderate of other people. Willingness in that area is just a Zim porton to the problem. You're trying to quit as willingness in the problem. You're trying to quit so if you're willing to work on your main problem, but you're not willing to work on all of your other problems, your main problem will come back at you or you will suffer in lots of areas of life. We see this in the righteous person. They often don't drink, or they often don't have a lot of bad habits, but their righteous. They're very ego driven, and you can't tell them anything. They have contempt prior to investigation with everything. They are not willing to work on any of the character defects they do have, and it's usually based on their lack of more common character defects. Well, I don't smoke, I don't drink. I don't have irresponsible sex. I don't gamble. I don't do drugs. I have money in the bank. Therefore I'm perfect and I don't do anything wrong. You probably know someone like that, and you probably don't spend a lot of time with them. Often it's a parent or an older family member in your life, and you just can't stand them because they're always right all the time. And you know, they're Justus messed up Aziz ur at some level, and yet they go around trying to act like they're perfect. This is what step six is about willingness in all areas of life, everything. So, for me, that means to simply do the step before this effectively so I can notice areas of resistance and then try and drop that resistance. Because until I notice it on steps four and five, steps four and five are about noticing where I'm wrong, accepts more and five, Help me. See? Okay, I'm wrong in this area. And Step five helps me admit that with the Bitcoin speculation I did that right? At least I admitted and noticed I was doing it wrong. And then finally, I dropped my resistance to doing what was right. What was right. What is right is me not speculating on Bitcoin. That's obvious. I had resistance on that. Nope. I'm doing this out. No, no, Step six is all about willingness and willingness comes from dropping resistance from applying the same few steps you looked at your big problem with to all of your little of problems. And if that seems daunting, it iss The good news is you only have to do it right now. This moment I only have to work on whatever willingness I have at this moment and drop whatever resistance I have at this moment. And that's a big relief because looking at all of your problems and thinking, Oh, I can't do something about all of these or looking at your problems and saying I have no problems, I'm perfect. Now that I don't do X, y or Z, I'm perfect. That happens with a lot of people quitting a big problem. They get this. I'm perfect now. The one thing I do wrong, I don't do that wrong anymore. I'm done willingness to admit you always do things wrong. I always do things wrong every day. The good news is I tend to do a hell of a lot less things wrong every day than I did before . Before, when you asked, what do you do wrong? I might have given you a very small list or I would have probably said I'm perfect. I I'm doing everything great now I can give you a laundry list of little things I do wrong and I'm willing every moment I try and be willing to not resist doing my best on the path towards perfection. So I hope this has been inspirational for you. I hope this has been helpful to see the difference between willingness and resistance. 16. Being humble, developing humility, and asking a higher power to remove defects: step seven is humility being humble? And in that humility, you ask your higher power as you understand your higher power to remove all of your shortcomings, I humbly ask your higher power to remove your shortcomings. So the key to that is developing, reaching for in being willing to build humility. So what is humility? Humility is being down to earth. Absence of ego Humility is me saying to you that I am no better and no worse of a person than you are that I am no better or worse than any person on this planet or who has ever lived. I am no better or worse than the murderer in prison, the millionaire and a mansion or a bum on the street, a beautiful model winning a competition. I am no better or worse than any of them. Humility in my support group was very obvious as to how it developed when I first came to my support group, saying people in wheelchairs, older people and very young people, I mean, you could say I'm young at 30 would seem people in their twenties or seeing people in their eighties is very easy for me to look around and point fingers and say I'm better than you. You're in a wheelchair. I'm better than you. I'm because I'm smarter than you. I'm better than you because I'm young and healthy and fit in your old and you're gonna die soon. I'm better than you, 20 year old in college because you don't know anything. That is how I lived my life before going around. I'm better than you. I'm better than you. And then I look at other people back. I want what they have. You're better than me. You've got $10 million in the bank. You're better than me. What can I do to suck up to you and get a piece of that? Humility is the absence of that of kind of putting your head down a little bit in realizing your place. In this universe you have a great complete equality with everyone and everything. I am no better or worse. Then my dogs, your dogs, a lizard crawling around on my wind. So a tree that's in my backyard I fundamentally em the same. And I'm at peace with all other parts of life. I am a part of life. I am life. You are life. You are a part of life. You're not a part of life that's more important than any other part of life. And you're not less important than any other part of life, either your equal partner in everything that's been created. And to me, that humility involves poking a lot of holes in the ego. So here's an ego. You've seen lots of egos in life, too, and ego pops up and says, I'm better than you or look how good I am at this or they're not very good at that. The easiest way to see my ego is toe watch what I say about other people, I noticed now that I say a lot less bad things about other people, because when I used to say bad things about other people, that was my ego. That was my way of trying to be better than someone else. Look how stupid that guy is. He can't even add. Look how ugly that girl is. Looking face. These are things that are do not come from humility. These come from pride. Humility comes in all forms. If you might notice, there's a little edit there where a plane flew overhead. Humility is putting my head down and accepting that. That's okay. There's nothing wrong with that. That's okay. Ego is blowing up and saying, Damn it, Why do you have to fly over while I'm making this? Don't you know I'm doing this online course right now? Damn it, That's ego. Humility is a poking holes in of letting go of that ego steps. Six. The willingness is key to developing humility, because humility is a constant every day thing. Humility takes effort, especially whenever you start solving and doing better. With the big problems you have, it's going to be easier to get more new one things like pride. I am grateful. I've heard so many times, maybe more times than any other part of my life, how wonderful I am, how good I'm doing. I'm grateful that you taking my course have been so supportive off me. I'm getting hundreds of great reviews, thousands of kind comments. When I go to my support group, I hear nice things all the time about how good I'm doing. And if I'm humble, those things reinforce my humility that I didn't do any of these things as much as I got out of the way and let life happen, I stopped resisting life and let God or my higher power as I understand, direct my life. So there's no ego. There's no pride with me that Look what I did. I'm so good now. Thank you. Yes, I'm the best I am Was so much better than I used to be. Which means I'm so much better than you now too. That Look how ugly ego looks. Just look at my face when it's like that. That's what ego looks like. You want to be free of that. Humility is the way to be free of it when people give me a compliment. Now I say thank you. That's kind of your I appreciate your kind words. At the same time, I am aware of the temptation to wrap pride around that complement. Oh, yes. Thank you, man. I am doing really good, aren't I? Hear that's me. I'm really kicking ass out there. Yup. You wait to see me next year. I'm gonna be on top of the world next year. Humility is critical because pride is why you had your problem in the first place. why I had all my problems in the first place. When I'm willing to drop my pride and drop my ego and admit when I'm having a hard time with something. I have a little anxiety today. That's okay, doesn't make me a horrible person. I'm I'm a little anxiety today. That's OK. Like you've seen in some of the videos I've said before, I've shared with you very things that I never would have shared before. I was more humble. Humility is a great gift when your humble you have a peace and serenity and you can see it . I have a great peace and serenity, and that's not my pieces running. It's the piece of all life, of all living the peace of God as it's called Nirvana. As it's called, it's the peace that we all can have when we're not prideful, full of ego and selfishness. So you've worked really hard to get through the first half of these steps, and Step seven is about letting go of all those things you're holding on to so tight. Oh, I got I got ahold of this. I am so good at this. I'm the best. I'm better than everyone. A, uh you just let go of it. I'm just an ordinary person. I'm just me and who I am is okay. I'm not the devil. And I'm not God. I'm me. I am life. And that's good. I'm here. And that's humility and humility We'll give you gives me the ability to do and stay in these steps is a way of life. The minute I let pride start running things, do you know what that's going to look like? First, it will look like maybe little prides. Oh, thank you. Thank you. No. Yes. I've got a lot of money in the bank. It's great, then. Bigger things. Oh, I'm doing fine. Yeah. I haven't had a problem in the year. My life's perfect. Then to you know what? I got this. I want a drink and I'm gonna go the liquor store cause I got this. I can't a liquor. I can handle anything like Training Day. King Kong ain't got shit on me. Then right back into the problems. The worst of all the problems. Now your problems may look a little different on the surface. Humility. We'll keep you free of those problems. that you've worked so hard in these last few steps to get in a place where you're free of them. So thank you for listening to me. Talk about humility. I'm honored. You're here. And I appreciate your time because your time is just a valuable az minus. And I'm grateful you've spent your time here with me. 17. Building a list of people and organizations you have harmed. : now that you've demonstrated willingness and humility to remove all of your character defects, the next crucial step is to repair your relationships with other people and especially the people in your life that you've heard in the scope of having a problem. Most of us are very likely to have went about hurting. Ah, lot of people with our selfishness, our self centeredness, our focus exclusively on trying to manage and deal with our own life. I know in the laundry list of problems I had and can easily have today without complete maintenance. Every day of this program, I heard a lot of people with my selfishness, my self centeredness, my thoughtlessness. I used to think a lot about myself and the key, and Step eight is to figure out where I hurt people and how I hurt them. So, for example, it's easy enough to see when I was drinking and full of anxiety, struggling with depression, bipolar, it's easy to see that my wife got hurt a lot in that it's easy to see my immediate family got hurt in that. But what's more challenging to be to see all of the little details everywhere so for example, the people I heard it, my previous jobs, all the random people I cussed out online that people's kids. I said So many horrible things. Two on Xbox Live when I was drunk, the neighbors. That's what you do in step eight is go through and do a complete list, starting with the people you hurt. The most people who come to mind first and then try and go is deep as possible. And that can include things like other drivers. Yeah, I often drove really selfishly egotistic. Lee and I, still on a daily basis, have toe work too, dr. In a way that doesn't hurt other people. And rather that means actually crashing the car or just downright being rude to people over and over and frustrating other drivers. It may not seem like a big thing, but all of these little herds add up to a lot, the selfish things done in business. Step eight. You go through and figure out as many of these as you can, and especially the biggest ones first, because you're looking to make restoration as much as possible, and it has nothing to do with the other people. It has to do with you. When you make restoration, you feel good. You and I doing this. It's the same when I make restoration, I can drop the baggage I'm carrying. And I've worked hard on restoration already this year. Over the last calendar year, I've worked hard to go through and say, Look, I'm sorry I hurt you doing this and do that as much as possible. I try and make a little bit of restoration with my wife every day I went through, especially of my mom made restoration, my brother and even things like my in laws. Some of these apologies are tough to like. Look, you know, I was mean your dog when you left him over. That's hard to do that, but it's a wonderful thing. You drop off this baggage because, especially when you have some kind of problem, like depression, addictions, anxiety, bipolar disorder. When you have some kind of problem that is consuming your life. Other people know and they often no way more than you'd ever imagine. And it's not even necessarily conscious. It's often quite unconscious, and if you bring it up consciously, then you can help restore the damage done because I thought I was so good at hiding things all the time. The fact is, people know a lot more than they talk about. Your friends and family know a lot more about you than you ever believe, regardless of on what you've told them, and it's not all conscious where that they could tell you and point a finger at it. But when you bring up something you did wrong when you bring up an area of hurt, even if they haven't thought about it, you can mend a relationship. And Step eight is about figuring out what relationship you need to mend and figuring out what baggage you want to drop off. So, for example, I worked at a police department before and I was the rising start. First, everyone loved me so much, and it was just great. And then I lost it. I went crazy with all kinds of the laundry list of things I've shared with you, the problems I have and I heard a lot of people there. Now the thing with Step eight is you just want to be aware of where those hurts our and step nine you'll deal with doing them, then Step eight, just in the police department I worked in before. There's probably 20 to 50 plus people that I hurt in that police department. And it's not that it was a gigantic, huge, monumental hurt. I'm not saying it's like Earth shaking on all of these hurts, some of them. It will be some of the people closest to you. It likely is. But even all of these, a little small hurts add up their baggage, and you want to use your willingness and humility to be honest and say, Okay, I did this. I hurt thes people because when you do that, you are liberating yourself from carrying all that baggage around. That's the value of going through and restoring thes relationship. So in order to make amends, which step nine is about, you've got to make his complete of a list as you can for all the people organizations. You hurt my undergrad in college. I smashed and did a lot of property damage there. That's not a person per se, but it is an organization that was very tolerant and loving of me, and then I hurt, and there are ways I can make a restoration to that organization. But I have to know that I hurt them first. And so you can include things like companies or places. There's all kinds of ways to make restoration, but the first step is to realize, OK, I hurt this person or this organization or this part of town or whatever. Once you've realised that, then you can go on the Step nine and start making amends, and then you're on the weight. A liberation this step getting through and doing it consistently has helped me gigantically to drop off all those chains and baggage and problems I was carrying along with me. If you want to drop off your depression, your anxiety, you're bipolar, your addictions. If you want to drop those off of the curb, having a very healthy network of people in your life combined with dropping all of your shame, guilt, remorse about what you've done before is a powerful step on that. So that's how Step eight fits in. I appreciate you going through this with me, and I hope it's been helpful for you in your journey to be free of the problem that's haunting you 18. Make amends to the people and places you have harmed without creating more hurt.: in step nine, you get toe work going about fixing as many off the things you identified and step eight as possible, so long as it does not cause additional harm. So, for example, if you'd had a relationship before that, you really destroyed, you wouldn't necessarily go back and make amends unless you could do it without causing additional harm. That's a very important thing with this step. You want to do good as long as you can only do more good and not add to the hurt. So for me, I've heard a lot of girls in relationships, and that's one area where I'm not likely to go back and make many amends directly to them, because that would more likely cause additional hurt and just open up on can of forms that they probably would rather be done with. That said, most things you can make amends for directly, and it doesn't cause any additional harm. And here's the way I look at it. I trust inspiration and opportunity to make amends. Once you've went through and made your list in step eight, then you've got these things in your conscious awareness. You can figure out little opportunities to go through and make amends. So, for example, in my personal life, I've worked actively to make amends, especially with my closest family members. First, my wife, I worked to make amends to her a little bit every single day, and that is by treating her good. That's by honestly acknowledging talking about apologizing for what behavior happened before. And it's by thanking her for her love and patience with me, especially during the times when I was such a pain before. And it's by having love, patience and understanding with her when she's having a bad day instead of making it worse . And I go through and I do these amends at every opportunity, and I don't go through and plan them out. I get them in my head through Step eight on when the opportunities right, I just go for it. For example, in Step eight, I had identified that I had hurt my in laws specifically when they left their dog here. I was very mean to him and once identified that and Step eight, and that had come up initially in my Step four and Step five. But then, in more detail in step eight identified. Okay, I have hurt my wife's parents. I need to go to them and say, Look, I'm sorry for being mean your dog while you left him here and my wife was a little bit uncomfortable with that because she didn't quite know. Do they actually know whatever I'm like? Yes, they know. It's obvious. They know some of the things they've said. It's obvious they know, and that's the whole point of Step nine is to go through and fix those things, go through and fix those wrongs that exist in all of my relationships in every relationship with me. At some point, my selfishness, alcoholic, depressed, bipolar, anxious behaviour came across to you and hurt you. And even this course is part of making amends by sharing this with you with the hope that you will have the chance to do the same things in your life. So with my wife's parents, after a Step eight, it took a few weeks before there was an opportunity in all of the sudden, they were both sitting on the couch. It was quiet. I looked out of my new This is a time to apologize right now and it again. Just came from, like, from the heart. It wasn't like a mental thing. Like I'd planned it out. Okay, let me schedule. This was just like, whoa, all right. I got to do this now, Almost like throwing up kind of where it's more of, Ah, coming from inside. And you just have to deal with it. And so I did. I looked at him. I said, Look, I'm sorry. When you left your dog over, I was pretty mean, am lots of times. And I'm sorry about that. And they took it pretty well. They said, thank you. And they accepted my apology, and it was nice. And that's step nine over and over and over and over and over again. And that's where the miracle starts toe happen When you start up, purge and fix all these things you've smashed apart in your life In the name of whatever problem you have, I'm depressed. I can't talk to you today. I'm anxious. I'm gonna be in a bad mood and be mean and push you away so you don't get hurt anymore. All these problems that we've had in our lives we go through in smash all of our relationships up, and this Step nine is a miracle for improving them. My relationships with everyone in my life are so much better today and especially the people I've went through and made amends with the people I've went through and said, Look, I hurt you and the beauty of this step it doesn't matter what they do back. You do this with the understanding. It's good for you. Sometimes you'll be amazed when you apologize and you make amends on something. The person you were doing it with will do it back with you to, especially if you both were having a hard time on at the same time and you both gave each other our time. You'll be amazed at the relationships you can fix. It's a miracle I know with my wife now, the more I'm willing to make amends them faster. She's willing to make amends to When I do things wrong, I try and fix them as fast as possible and my wife has gotten way faster at doing the same thing. Both of us used to be very stubborn and she would be more stubborn in terms of time. I often would be more willing to once identified, I'd done something wrong that I usually wouldn't identify did anything wrong, But once I did, I usually would turn around on it pretty quick. My wife often would take off quite a while days sometimes before she would say, Look, I'm sorry for how I was before, even though she had already realized it. She just didn't want to fix it, whereas I just didn't want to admit things in the first place. So now both of us admit things and fix things. I mean exponentially faster, and it is a miracle for our relationship. We spend probably 1% of the time angry and frustrated with each other that we did for most of the first couple of years of our relationship, and we had a way better relationship than I'd ever had with any other girl. Now, picture that that's the level of improvement you can get by doing these steps. Now you have to detach for many results, though you may make amends to someone, and they may leave you, that's goes back to step three. You accept the direction of a higher power in your life. If that's what's supposed to happen. That's what happens. These amends are for your good. Like I'll show you in a lecture in this section where I made amends right before doing this lecture. The amends are for me, so I don't have to feel shameful about why am anymore. And most importantly, so I go forth and sin no more. I don't have to keep doing these things these steps. When you go through and make amends, it puts a lot of barrier between wanting to do that thing wrong again. When I think about doing wrong, shameful things now, I think I don't want to make amends for the who's like I really don't want to apologize for that. And I never used to think like that. I used to just think it wouldn't this be fun to get drunk right now. Wouldn't this be fun to go on a trip and, you know, go on a real rampage? That's all I used to think about was to fun. Now I think about thes steps, man, I sure as hell wouldn't want to apologize for doing that. So why even do it in the first place? Thes steps give you freedom from letting shame and problems control your life. And Step nine gives you a huge part of that by going through and fixing all of these things you've done wrong in your relationships. So I hope sharing the power of Step nine in fixing your relationships and serving other people is valuable for you. I appreciate you going through this with me, and I hope it's been helpful. 19. Step 9 in action making my own amends to my university today: So here's a example from myself that I just did before making this lecture of step nine, because when I went to go make the lecture on step nine, it occurred to me, Hey, what have I done today to make amends? So I realized I ought to give something today to my university. I haven't given anything to my undergrad university before this, after being an alumni now for nine years, and I owe it to my university to pay them back, not only for their education, which I certainly paid for, but for the four years my university put up for me and especially the staff that took care of all of the things I did drunk on campus, smashing up property for the fun of it while I was inebriated. So that's something in Step eight that I did wrong. That's hurt. I caused. Now am I able actually go back and make amends with actual staffers? No. Am I able to go actually pay for something specifically know? What I can do is just give a little donation. I gave $50 and that is enough for me to feel like I did something good today. So that's how you can go about making amends. And that's how I just went and made an amends is a little bit every day. It's not right for you if you go giving more than you can afford to give. If you don't have $50 to give to someone, then you don't want to give that out. But, well, step nine, you do what you can do when you conduce. Oh, it. And ideally, you should be able to do something every day with it. So you can see here that I'm leading by example. I just went and gave this. Right now, I feel good about it, especially because now that I've done it once, I know I'll probably do it again, too. And with the thousands of dollars of property damaged I caused, it's nice to make a little bit of amends for that. So in making amends, I trust what feels right. This felt right and it came in kind of like a burning desire, like just all of the sudden right before making this lecture, I got the idea. I need to donate now to my undergrad university to demonstrate that I've actually done something on step nine today to actually live and work the steps, so it wasn't more of an idea in my head. It was just kind of like just a bursting. I need to go give right now to my undergrad university. So once you do step eight, you don't have to force and plan out all of the things you'll do in Step nine, when there is the right time in your life, you will know when the chance pops up exactly what you can do to make those amends to. You don't have to go through the list and schedule out exactly what to do. You just have to be ready to get a sudden burst of energy coming out of. I guess my heart's the most accurate way to feel it, that here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to makes a little bit of amends today for this. I don't think in one day I'm going to suddenly wash everything away magically, but right now I can do a little bit to make some amends on that, and I can feel good about that today. So that's me doing Step nine and I hope leading by example in this case is the best way to share with you exactly how I look at these steps and how I'm working the steps myself. Thes steps are something I'm living every single day. So just because I have one and done this once, when the opportunities right, I will do it again. So thank you for going through this with me, and I hope it's been helpful and inspirational for you. 20. These steps are a way of living that you do every day especially admitting wrong: step 10 is consistency continuing to do these steps and quickly admitting when you're wrong and moving forward. So Step 10 is to let you know that this isn't every day, every minute kind of program of action. This is not something you do once and then get absolute relief. You do it over over and over again every day, and that's where the miracle happens. That's where I've seen the miracle happen in my life. I try and practice these principles and everything I do. I'm consistently looking for opportunities to do every single step, and I trust inspiration. Toe. Let me know when's the best time to do that. So once you've went through these nine steps, Step 10 encourages continued use of them every day and especially admitting when you're wrong, because this tends to be one of the most toxic things each of us does. Every day is to try and be right about something. That's where all of these steps go wrong is when ego creeps in, when all of a sudden being right is the only thing that matters. That's the old way of living. So Step 10 reinforces two of the most important points with these steps consistency and admitting when you're wrong and fixing it so to give you consistency. Here's my you to me course productivity sheet, and this is an example of what you get out of consistency. So what I'm doing is I tracked the date in the amount of lectures I made in some more details on that. So I'm going to zoom in so you can just see the lectures in the date. So if you take off the total here and you just look at what I'm doing every day, it doesn't look like much. And with the steps, you might be able to say the same thing. You could look at each individual day, your progress and you'll note here I had five days where I traveled to see my mom. I didn't do anything, and I have worked to get a system where I can account for that now so I can do things every day. So it's the same way with the steps. You see how there's days, some days, I just do three lectures. Other days I do, too. Sometimes I go crazy and do like 14. The consistency with these steps is critical for success because on any one day you're not going to fix all the things you've done wrong on any one day, you're not going to figure out every single thing you've ever done wrong and share that with another human being on every single day. You're not likely to find willingness in every single one of your character defects all the time and get them all removed. You have to do your best that these steps every day. But it tends to be with a little bit of progress every day that the miracle happens. So to me, that starts with beginning the day out with the understanding that I wanna work a little bit on living these steps today. And then I do that every single day. So in terms of the big change, impatience is a enemy of these steps. If you get impatient and you try and work them all at once and get them done, then you're likely to end up back in your problem before you know what happened. Because the miracle comes in through the cumulative value of all of these steps. So if you look at my you Timmy lectures none of these numbers air that big in one single day. I've never done enough to create an entire course. In fact, a lot of days only two lectures and two is What I try and do is the minimum. So if I sit down to do one, I look at it and always at least due to. Here's where the miracle happens, though. Look at the total and this is from the Fourth of December 2014 down to today, which is the 25th of January, and I'm on my fourth or fifth lecture already today. This is where the miracle happens. 235 lectures in less than two months. That's enough for between 5 to 10 courses, and if you scroll over to this column, you can see I've got six entire courses approved in two months. That's twice as many as I had in a year before that. Thes steps are the same way. The miracle happens through the cumulative work of these every day. So you do a little bit every day and now some days like I've had days where in my steps you could look at it. It was a day like this where I went through and shared some of the most shameful things in Step five with a number of member of my support group, and you could look at it may be that day was a day where I effectively did 10 lectures. But how does 10 stack up out of 235? And that's just for two months? 10 is less than 5% of this number in one day. I've never done more than 5% of the total. So the power of these steps is in doing them every day all the time, because you will quickly. I have quickly seen a miracle by putting these steps to work every day. It's all of those little conversations, all of those little healings, like with my wife. It's all those times where I am wrong. And then I quickly figured out and admit it. Our relationship was the best I'd ever had, right from when we started. After trying to have lots of relationships, and now is so far beyond that, it's absolutely like I'm in outer space. And these steps have been one of the biggest factors in that because I'm giving a little bit better every day, and then my wife gives back a little bit better every day also. So to put this in perspective, it's not just what you do, it's what you get done back to you when you do these steps to when you make those repairs with your family and your friends, then they will start being nicer to you on the whole, not with necessarily anyone in particular. But when you go through, like in step nine and make amends for all these things, you done wrong when you quickly admit you're wrong. As in Step 10 your consistent with applying these principles in your daily life. A miracle very quickly happens, and it can be in as a little as a few months. If you look at it. The same as I've shown you that I'm doing with my work a little bit every day is very powerful. So if you look here these five days, these five days air very hurtful in my unity course production, and I've just was getting started and figuring out how I could actually do it every day. So to take a look at this in a different way. If we zoom out, what you want to see now is the average, so the average is 4.5 a day. That's my average. Now what's my average? If you take out those five numbers, it's a lot higher. And the thing is, the steps in the consistency work the exact same way. So it's 4.5 without those, it's five. Without those days, it's 4.5. With those zero days, it's five. Without those days, that's a significant increase. So if we use the calculator here 4.5 divided by five, that's 90%. So just those five days alone dropped my average lectures, 90% of what they would have been otherwise. The steps of the same way you take days off of these steps at your own risk. I try to never take a day off of these steps because for me, that's the day my problems will come back into play. That's the day I'll be heading the liquor store. That's the day I'll be really anxious and starting to be really mean to people. That's the day I'll be depressed and suicidal, and I don't want that I worked the steps every single day, first thing in the morning and then consistently throughout the day. So Step 10 is all about consistency and an understanding that if you want relief from your problems, you can use these problems to get a relief today and since every day is today, when you work these steps every day, you can see a miracle happen in your life the same way I have in the same way millions of other people have working these steps. So thank you for sharing this with me, and I hope it's been helpful for you to show in numbers exactly how doing a little bit each day adds up to a lot. 21. Establishing conscious contact daily with your higher power and praying.: Step 11 is conscious contact with your higher power through meditation and prayer. You want to be consciously connected and aware off whatever you've chosen to use as your higher power and feel connected and close every day. I do that first thing in the morning with prayer and meditation. Right after I get out of bed, I said in alarm to get up it either. 5:30 a.m. every day. If my wife has to work or 6:30 a.m. If he doesn't, I get out of bed. I have a little snack and I go sit down and I have about an hour. I pray and meditate and rest on the couch, and that allows me to have conscious contact with my higher power, who I call God for convenience. And then I can pray and meditate. I can pray, and Aiken asked to be God. Please let me do anything today that I need to to be the best person I can be. I'll do anything today to stay sober, stay away from a drink and to serve my fellow human beings best I can. I'll do your will today. I want you to direct my life, not me. I want you to inspire me so that I know what to do, and I want to know what I'm supposed to do today and have the courage to do it. I'll do whatever you ask. That's what I mean by conscious contact in prayer, having that connection there where your higher power is a part of your life. They're not somewhere up in heaven or down in hell or in a bottle, or they don't exist. But they are a conscious, connected part of your life. You feel close with God or your higher powers. You understand you feel close connected so that at any moment you can reach out and say, Hey, God, I could use a little help here. I'll take whatever help you can get on Do whatever you ask that kind of close connection. I talked to my brother about what he's trying to do, and he gave me a few big things he's ask God's help with. And I said, I ask God for help with every single thing all the time everyday, because if there's this infinite power that created and intelligently runs the universe, why would I want to feel separate from that hell is feeling separate. I don't want to feel separate from the infinite power that created and runs and manages this universe. I don't ever want to feel separate from that. That is hell, to feel separate, to feel small, to feel apart from God or your higher power that is hell to feel separate. So Step 11 focuses on building that close conscious relationship where you actively feel connected with your higher power. And that brings a miracle into your life. Because when I feel close and connected with God, then I trust life to unfold the way it's supposed to. I don't have to be anxious about what I'm going to do later. I trust that I will do the right thing later. I trust that God will guide me to do the right thing at all times. I trust that when something bad happens, God has planned that God has put that in the way for me to hurtle over, to surrender and put my knees down in front of to climb over or to have the courage to do whatever I'm supposed to do with it. So that removes a gigantic amount of anxiety from my life. I remember one of the times I was trying to stop drinking, that I made it a week. I remember telling my wife I have anxiety. And boy, did I have some anxiety. I had a hell of a lot of anxiety. I was afraid and worried about everything. What am I going to do about this? What am I going to do about that? If you have anxiety conscious contact with a higher power is the amazing solution. When you trust that the universe is going to work out how it's supposed to, you don't have to direct. Everything goes right back in with Step three. This is how you communicate and stay connected and allow step three every day. This is back to step one. You surrender and have that conscious contact with your higher power to reinforce constantly that they are directing your life. My life. I'm doing what I'm supposed to right now. I ask God this morning. God, please tell me when I'm supposed to do. Please let me do your will and not mine. Let me know what I'm supposed to do when the time's right and do it. This is why I love doing this because it feels right. Because I love it because I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing now. I'm not doing this. Is it a means to an end? Maybe I can make this course and make a whole bunch of money or let me get this course down . And I feel really proud of myself. I just love doing this and you can feel that you can feel that I love doing this because that love I have is reaching out to the love you have in That is the love for a higher power. That is a love for yourself, for myself. For you. It's all universal. It's all connected when you established through prayer and meditation contact with your higher power. You will always have someone there who's close to you when you need them. When I lay down in bed last night, my wife was out of town, and that used to be really tough for me because I was very co dependent with my wife. Especially if I was trying to stay sober last night. God is there. God is always there, and I didn't feel all alone. I felt happy to be where I was doing when I was supposed to. I didn't feel like I'm so alone. This is awful. My wife's not here like I felt before when I was younger. I was scared of my wife being out of town when I was sober because I was sure I was going to drink when I have conscious contact with the higher power. I came free of anxiety and I'm free of depression. I don't have to go around feeling sad about my life. I'm doing what I'm supposed to and I keep asking God, what am I supposed to do? Please let me do whatever I'm supposed to do. Please let me know. I will do anything you ask. I will do whatever I'm supposed to do as long as you let me know. And I will try and keep my mind open and keep in touch with you So that I do know. Because if I close my mind off, if I close out my contact of the higher power, how am I supposed to know what I'm supposed to do? It's up to me to keep that connection open because that infinite intelligence is always there. I have the ability to shut it out, though, and most of my life and most of the people I see shut out that higher power. They shut out that connection with everything and try and do it on your own. Why would you want to do that? It's utterly miserable. I know I was miserable lot because I was agnostic for a lot of my life. I don't know if there's a God or not. What is God do for me? That is the miracle that happens and you're so into it now. So I start every morning off, I pray and I meditate and I sit on my couch and do it. I hear getting on your knees is a good way to do it. And I'm open to trying that whenever it feels right. So I hope sharing this has been helpful for you. These things that I do in my life have made a miracle. If you do what I do, you can have the exact same thing that I have, and I'm sharing with you as best I can concisely in this course. What I'm doing that gives me exactly how I am now here with you. It's a prayer and meditation to start the day off. And then whenever I need help all day, any day, any time God, Hey, it's me again. I We'll do anything you want. I want to know what I'm supposed to do and so I can do it if I'm having a hard time, especially and gratitude. God. Thank you. Thank God. That is a huge phrase that runs through my mind all day is a little more casus inked in saying thank you. Higher power or whatever. Thank God. Very short and concise all day. All the time. Thank God. And that crushes all kinds of these things. Like bipolar disorder is up and down. I don't have to go up and down now because I can thank God when I'm blowing. I thank God when I'm high and that keeps me steady and peaceful. So thank you for sharing this with me. I hope my description of step 11 is useful for you. 22. Use the freedom you have from your problem to give others the same gift.: Step 12 is where you have a spiritually awakening have result of practicing thes steps on a daily basis, and then you carry the message in these 12 steps to other people who are suffering and practice these steps in all of your affairs. That's what I'm doing right now, and I have consistent gratitude every day for the chance to be righ Matt. It's absolutely unbelievable to me to have had such an amazing spiritually awakening. I have not had it as much in the instant experiences that you might see that are sudden and drastic. What I've had is more of an educational variety. I consistently apply these principles every day. I've been dropping off all this mental baggage I've carried around for so much of my life, and I'm able to just enjoy the moment. I'm able to enjoy perfectly this moment here with you, without needing to be somewhere else. I'm right where I'm supposed to be. In that is the spiritually wakening is to realize the power of now. Eckhart totally does really good with describing thes things that happened with spiritually awakening, and you get through these 12 steps, a mind that's open to processing all types of spirituals, information and messages. It lets a miracle happen right now in your life. My life today is just absurd compared to how my life used to be, in the sense that I live free and happy and blessed every moment. I have little ups and downs. What I consistently have is peace and joy all the time in my life. Even when I recognize I'm feeling a little sad. It's OK. It's okay. It doesn't change what I do. I do what's good for me every day I do. It's good for other people around me. Every day I do what I love every day, and I'm spiritually fit to be in a lot of different situations now. And I'm grateful for that. I'm humble, I'm no better and I'm no worse than you. I'm just another person, and I'm just doing what I feel is the God directed right thing to do right now. And I understand that everyone is always doing that. The only thing that ever will make it hard is my judgment or my rejection of what's going on. For example, you might notice a slight edit right there. My dog started barking normally. That would have made me mad like you are. It's okay. So what? Their dogs? I love them. They bark and I'm happy they're here. I'm happy they're live with me today. That's the spiritually awakening. And you've just seen me do it for Riel. When something happens that formally I would have looked at is an inconvenience or wrong, something annoying. I kind of bob my head a little bit and accept it like, OK, this is what supposed to be happening right now. And I have a miracle in my life that I am working through this step to share with you. Right now, I want you to have this same miracle that I have in my life the same awareness, the same blessing, the same gratitude and wonder the childlike vision of looking around at everything like, Wow, this is so cool. As if I've seen it for the first time, not having that burnt out look around at everything like who and that depression, bipolar anxiety, alcoholism, gambling, addiction and absurd amount of problems in my life. I don't have any more contingent on maintaining my spiritual condition every single day and freely giving away, working to serve you every day and give you the best of what I have to offer the best of what I can do to serve you of living a life that's not selfish and self centered in all about my fun and my pleasures and in fact, a life where I have joy and pleasure all the time everywhere at every moment. If I'm not, it's because I am not in the present moment. I'm not living in the solution, and it takes me very little time usually to get back to that and to notice when I'm out of it to notice. Whoa, Okay, I'm a little annoyed right now. That's fine. Everything's fine. Back into peace and tranquility. That's what I'm hoping to give you in these 12 steps. I can't control what you do with it. All I can do is give the best I can and have faith that what I'm doing is why I'm supposed to and that you will use it. The best is you can, because I fundamentally feel that you and I are not so different, and I want everything for you that I want for myself. So that's the spiritual awakening I've experienced. I feel like I've become the person I've always been in. That I had cluttered up and clouded up with all of these resentments, angers frustration, shameful memories, guilty conscience, hurting other people. I put all of this crap on top of myself toe armor myself up against the world and to be prepared to deal with all the problems. And you know what? The problems lived rent free in my head all the time and made me miserable. And I was miserable because I didn't choose to be anything else. And now I've chosen. I want to experience the peace and joy and happiness that is right here in this moment on. I want to give that to you because I can't grab and hold onto it myself. This body is just a passing form. It's here now, in some other. Now it won't be. There's lots of now's before that. It wasn't here. All I can do is enjoy it and have peace and look around at my body and say, Wow, this is cool. I'm alive. I am. I'm here. I don't know who I am, but I know I'm happy. I'm joyful to be watching and experiencing one I am right now and sharing that with you. That's the spiritually awakening. That's the infinite power that's always there that you can tap whenever you want to. That's what you get going through and living these 12 steps. You get a spiritually wakening that liberates you from the prison of self that has liberated me. I feel like I've been let out of a prison where I was the warden. I kept myself in this prison because I thought it was good for me and said, You'll go ahead and suffer. You sit here and suffer. That's what you're supposed to do. You suffer. I don't have to do that anymore. It's awesome. I never have to do that. It's wonderful. It's a miracle. I don't have to do that now to myself. And there is on Lee now. Everything else is my imagination to past in the future. All my imagination. The only real thing right now is me and you right here. That's all that's really right now and all of eternity. You already have eternal life. Eternal life is now. There's nothing in any existence ever that is not now they're on. Lee is now, and now is eternal life because now has no start, no finish. It always has been and always will be. That is a gift. You don't have to do anything for it. You don't have to go anywhere. You're always right where you're supposed to be. That helps me tremendously. To reduce anxiety and depression when I get anxious is when I'm trying to be somewhere. Besides now, I don't ever have to be anywhere. Besides, now now is right. Where I'm supposed to be all the time for all eternity. When I'm doing now is always exactly what I'm supposed to be doing, and I don't ever have to suffer. If I don't resist what's going on right now. Now that doesn't mean to say I just walk around, bounce around like a pinball, let anything happen to me without doing what's right when I just live in and now what's right usually obvious. And you know that, too. You know, it's usually obvious what the right thing to do is if you're just in the moment, the moment is simple, so that's a spiritual awakening. You get doing these steps and living these steps. I'm honored you're here and you are sharing this with me now. And in this section I share with you a cool, spiritually experience I've had as a result of doing these steps. A way of thinking that helps me to stay in spiritually awakening. Thank you for going through this with me, and I hope it's useful for you. 23. An spiritual awakening experience I had recently that you might enjoy!: I just had an amazing experience that I will share with you. That might be really helpful if you're struggling with something like an addiction, compulsive thinking, frustration, fear or just plain pissed off are angry or annoyed. When I'm going to share with you is the way I found out of it, and it's a way that anyone can find out of it. You can use this whenever you're ready, including right now, and I wouldn't use it while you're driving or doing something else. It's pretty crazy. So here's exactly what just happened to me. The last few days I've been struggling with compulsive thinking, getting into negative thoughts and fear and worrying. Like Ho, what's happening? What's gonna happen? What if this happens? What if thats happens? I've been noticing that I've been struggling to appreciate the moment. I've been doing things like sitting with my wife in the morning and noticing Hey, why am I not appreciating this right? This is a great moment. This is a beautiful thing, having time with my wife and I notice, and I do it in my work and I've noticed several times last few days. Why am I not appreciating. Why am I not here? Why am I stuck in my head with all these crazy thoughts? Why can't I appreciate what I have right now? So if you're struggling with this and these things come out all kinds of ways, they've came out for me before and addictions in bad behavior, acting out, being mean to people, being a bad employee, being a bad friend, being a bad son. How has been all these things come out in the same way, and it's all the same basic frustration. So here's what just happened to me today, and if you can let this happen to you or find your own way of doing it, it provides absolute, complete total relief. But it requires confrontation off the most thing you might be afraid off, and that's death. Here's what happened. So I went to the gym. I've been going along my day, kind of with this anxiety, frustration, fear hanging over me a little bit and I've been listening to a neck are totally retreat. Siri's Eckhart Tolle has been really inspirational, helpful for me in my spiritual journey, and I was listening in his book and I was eating a sandwich. He knows talk about appreciating and noticing the forms. Now it takes. So I was looking at the sandwich. I was looking at the half sandwich. I'd already eating the other half, and I looked at it and I thought How cool this is right here. I just made this. I normally just make a sandwich. You need it and don't even hardly think about it. I looked at him like How cool is this? It's right here. It's right now and it's about to be gone. I'm about to eat this and then it's gone. Shuriken, go make another one. But this one sandwich in this exact form I've made it is here and it's going to be gone. So I eat the sandwich. And then I walked into the shower, and then I got this moment of clarity. I went into something my mom said is really helped me. My dad passed away last year, and it's been really hard on my mom. They were married 30 years, and this thought Mom said, came to me. I'd give anything to have another day with your dad, even a bad one, and I thought about that and I remembered what my wife said this morning, she said, This time with you, we sit on the couch quietly for like, 10 or 20 minutes now each morning said this time with use one of my favorite parts of the day, and I really felt that compliment right when she said it. But I had my armor up. I was still in that frustration anxiety. Annoyed. I saw it was a beautiful thing, she'd said, and it couldn't quite sink in. So that complement what my mom said about my dad in the sandwich all collided. So let me explain exactly how that can happen in the mind. I looked at it and realized and looked at everything around me, and I went into not being here and the certainty that this form this body, this face, everything I do everything whatever is here in my life that I call my life, including my wife, my mom, my family, everyone will die for sure, and at some point none of us were here to start with, and I went deeper into that and thought exactly the place of nothing where that is a place where this form is gone. where my wife is gone, where everything I care about my dogs, my brothers and sisters, my cousins, my nieces and nephews. Everyone's all gone in dead and no one even remembers. There's no trace left absolute nothing. And I went deep and deep and deep into that, and at first it was awful. At first it was awful to think, from an ego point of view, er, to thinking to see everything just disappear. But I kept going into it and I focused on what Mom said. And the wife, what the compliment she gave me in the sandwich. I'm just like the sandwich I've been put together. My mom was very generous to raise me and my dad the have me and raised me for so many years , and I've been put together just like I put together that sandwich and at some point life is just going to eat me and that's it. This form is gone forever and that's OK and that's OK. I went deep into that thought and understanding and knowledge of death and understanding that beyond nothing beyond all of these forms, beyond all of these forms is eternal life and that eternal life that Jesus talked about that idea of Nirvana that is all right here right now. That's the awareness and noticing everything, and it's tough to explain this, so I'll just tell you what happened. So I went deep into that, and at first, when I pictured my wife being gone, when I looked from a place where everyone was dead, when I looked from that place, the place of looking as if my wife's already gone and burned up and cremated, which is easier for me to see now that my dad's gone. When I looked from that place, at first it was awful. I immediately started crying and the tears came. And then, seeing that for myself to this body, gone, deteriorated, burned, not even remembered. When I went to that place, all of the spinning thoughts in my head stopped all of the thinking about what if everything was just shattered. So all of these compulsive thoughts that I've had for almost all of my life with the What do I need to do next? One. I'm What time is it? Where am I going? Who's doing this? What's happening to me? How do I feel? What I want all those compulsive thoughts shattered because in the place of death there is nothing. There are no worries, no concerns, nothing to care about. Nothing to be afraid off. And when I went to that place and then came down to look at my body again and by this point I was in the shower just sobbing, picturing my wife being gone. When I came back to that place, something ridiculous happened. Then I could see the miracle of being here right now, going to a place of death and non existence and then coming back into this moment I'm here and it was is if I had been dead and dropped back into my body again and I was blown away. I went from crying, two laughing hysterically. I don't know how long I was in there, but I just started laughing is so ridiculous. I looked down at my hands like I've never seen them before. The way you would feel if you died and got stuck back in a body again, you'd feel like it was a miracle you'd look down and everything for the first time, like wow, the same way you see, a little baby looking at the world, that sense of wonder that unconstrained, undefined looking where you just watch and see the world and look around at it like what is going on here? And I just I was in the shower and I would been crying, going into the thought of death and losing my wife, and that the whole stream of thoughts and consciousness shattered and there was peace. Inquire the piece of death, the peace of God, this stillness where everything is okay. And once I came back into that, I looked around. I realized my body's here is just so cool, as if I just got issued a new one, not regarding what I just did or what I might do. But it's here. It's right now. It's so cool. And I started laughing hysterically and just like wiping the mist off the shower, looking up the water like I had just came back from death and got stuck in my body again. How cool is that? The miracle is to see from death. See this life from a place of nothing and it's so cool. Everything is so cool from a point of view of nothing It's cool. It's here. I I was in the shower like I'd never showered before I was standing out of the water. I turned it up hotter. I'm like who? I turned it down. Real coding like, Wow, that's cold! And I turned it back to her. It was nice and pleasant. Just a child like fresh look on life. This has never happened to me before. This was weird and it was so cool. I've been on a spiritual journey. I've struggled with a lot of problems in my life. Addictions and a lot of acting out. Negative behavior. Rude, selfish. Ah, lot of things like that and discovering not taking this form so seriously. But looking from a place of nothing looking from a place of death, it helps me appreciate everything. I feel alive. I am a love I am. I am here right now. It's so cool, and nothing else matters not what happened yesterday, not what's going happen tomorrow, not what's going to happen in 10 minutes or what you're going to think of this video. It doesn't matter. I did feel compelled to share this with you because of how much I've struggled in my life. I felt compelled to share this with you because I would love for you. Because ultimately I believe you and me are not any different. We're all part of the same one life I want you toe have access to this infinite spiritually power that I and millions more people on the planet are starting toe. Wake up to. To me. One way to go into it is through seeing through death. When your eyes see through someone who's dead, look as if you are dead. Look as if the people you care about her dead. The things you care about are dead and gone when you can look from that point of view, there's infinite power and peace, and you can come back into being aware of the body as if you just got issued a new one. Now I understand if this might not make any sense at all, I'm doing my best to put into words something that was just incredibly powerful and is still powerful. And that helps me to be free from addictions. From a compulsive thinking from nasty, rude, selfish behavior that plagued me my whole life. I can go. I am always in that place of stillness. I am, That is where I am. That is my soul. If you want to call it that God, that is where ultimate reality is in this form is something cool. It's something to have fun with to be played around with, and it's something that's here now and gone soon enough. So I hope sharing this with you has given you the ability to know that you can go into this place any time you want to. In that fundamentally, you are not your body or your thoughts or what you've done or what you're going to do. You are simply that which is aware of all of this that's here to experience life. You are that little Cato just is looking around at their body like, What is this? That's you. You are sitting on everything you ever need. I saw this lady that was homeless today, out begging on the corner, and I usually would kind of avert my eyes from her because oh, I don't want to see that's unpleasant today looked at her, and the thought that came was she doesn't even realize she's out here all day trying to get things given to her. And she already has everything she needs. She looked utterly miserable and she eventually couldn't look at me as I just stared at her like, Wow, she's out here and she's just like me. The only difference might be that she doesn't know she has everything inside. She's hoping people will give her. She doesn't need to ask for money. She already has all of the wealth and power and beauty in her life that she wants. And you do, too. And I do. We all do. There's nothing you can get that will satisfy you forever. You have everything right now, right at this moment that can satisfy you forever. There is no then and there is no waas. All of life is now. There is nothing else. All of eternity. Eternal life is simply realizing now that passed in the future constructions of the mind. They're helpful for practical things like paying bills. They're helpful for things like realizing I should make this video and that maybe it will be useful for you. But ultimately there is on Lee. Now now is all that's riel the past In the future, our imaginations that always plagued me. Reading history books like Why Is the Past seems so money in the future, so unclear. That's because it's imaginary. It's not riel now is all that Israel. And now we'll take many different forms, including one where this body is not a part of it anymore. That's okay. When I look from a place of death, I can see life when I'm stuck in every day, Russian hurrying and anxiety. And I got to get this done when I'm stuck in that utter misery and suffering the liberation I've found. I can leave that any time I want to in the first step is to notice I'm in that. Even if you just realize, man, I'm really anxious today or I'm really having a hard time with this today. You're never upset for the reason you think you are. The only reason they're ever is to be upset is that you're not connected with reality with now. And for me, all practical tool is I try and look from death. If my wife's giving me a hard time, I look from what Mom said about Dad. I would give anything to have another day with him I've got today with my wife. I'm grateful for it. I've got today with this body. I'm grateful for that. If you want to get out of all of your pain and suffering, that's all you have to do. Go to a place of death. And hopefully you don't have to take your form your body there to death. But go mentally there, where your mind's afraid to go. I am amazed. I don't know that I've ever had a laughing fit quite like this before. It was a ziff. I was crazy. And yet it was all to make complete, utter joy complete relief from all of pain and suffering. Utter beauty and peace. The peace that you would think of when you would leave your body and come back into it. Beautiful. You have that. You have everything you need right now. You conduce this right now even just hearing this when now is right, you'll know it. So I'm grateful you've spent this time with me. I hope this has been useful for you. You are all I care about because you are me. We are all one life. I've made this because it felt like the right thing to do. And that's how I live my life. I do what feels right. And the easiest way to see what's right is toe look from a place of death. Because in there, when there is nothing, it seems to be very clear what there is and holding on and appreciating to what I have now that's the right thing to do. And to share that with you with the hope that I've communicated to you what I felt. So thank you for being here with me. Thank you for sharing this time with me. And if this has been helpful for you, please let me know that I should keep making these videos. This is something new. Please let me know to keep doing this. Rather, it's a comment or like or however this appears for you. And if you want to do something good and you felt positive you felt this Share this with someone who needs it. Share this with your friend or your parent. Here, sister. Your wife your son shared with someone who may be can use it. Thank you.